Chapter 191 - I Have a Good Dad
Translated by Eve
Edited by Serefina
16. I Have a Good Dad
Liang Chengshan stared at Xie He. For a long time, he didn’t react.
He had thought that he had already made all necessary mental preparations. But right now, seeing Xie He looking at him with anticipation, treating him as Yang Jin...he realized that he hadn’t been prepared at all.
He had never expected that this would happen.
Xie He saw that Liang Chengshan wasn’t speaking and began to look nervous. He held the older man more tightly and cautiously asked, “Dad, why aren’t you saying anything?”
No. I’m not your father. Your father was killed by me....
I personally killed him. And then I drove you mad. I’m your enemy. A completely irreconcilable enemy.
Liang Chengshan shut his eyes, his heart cold and aching.... But...I can’t say that out loud.
I’ve already brought you so much pain. How could I bear to see you heartbroken and upset again? How could I bear to see you disappointed?
So I’ll give you what you wish....
【Ding, the target Liang Chengshan’s Favourability Value +1. The current Favourability Value is 98.】
Liang Chengshan slowly reached out and returned Xie He’s embrace. He said, “Don’t be afraid. I came to take you home.”
Xie He was surprised and overjoyed. But there was still a profound fear and unease in him. “C-Can I really go home? I can leave this place?”
Liang Chengshan nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry it took me so long.”
Xie He looked at him with a childish admiration in his eyes. “It’s fine. I’m really happy you came.”
Liang Chengshan forced himself to smile. He held Xie He’s hand, helping him sit up on the bed. “Then let’s go home now.”
Xie He was really happy. He held Liang Chengshan’s hand and walked out of the room with him. This time, no one stopped him. He could finally leave here! His dad had come to take him home!
Liang Chengshan’s secretary saw Xie He’s state and heaved a heavy sigh.
Kenny had been waiting outside. He had smoked several cigarettes. He had been told by Bishop that Xie He had lost it. When he saw Xie He obediently coming out while holding Liang Chengshan’s hand, he thought that the other had indeed gone crazy, considering how much he used to hate the older man.... Otherwise, how could he look at Liang Chengshan without any hostility?
Kenny had also learned to behave himself. He didn’t try to make things hard for Xie He. It was none of his business how Boss wanted to dote on him. He just had to fulfill his duty as a bodyguard. Moreover, what was there to bicker about with a pitiful person who had lost his marbles....
He adjusted his mentality and suddenly felt like he could accept it all. He went to respectfully pull the door open for Liang Chengshan.
At this moment, Xie He suddenly asked Liang Chengshan, “Dad, is this your car?”
Liang Chengshan smiled. “Yes. Get in. We’ll be home soon.”
Kenny’s expression warped. “....”
Dad...Xie He was even able to call him that. He had really lost it!!!
........................
Liang Chengshan took Xie He back to his manor and softly asked him, “Are you hungry?”
Xie He rubbed his stomach and nodded.
Liang Chengshan immediately had the servants prepare them a meal. They made all of Xie He’s favourites. When Xie He saw the table full of food and Liang Chengshan sitting in front of him with a gentle, steady smile, tears suddenly started streaming down his face.
Liang Chengshan’s heart ached. He went over to wrap his arm around Xie He, wiping his face for him. With a soothing tone, he asked, “Why are you crying? Are you unhappy?”
Xie He sobbed. He said, “No, I’m just overcome with happiness. I’ve been waiting for you all this time. I thought that I wouldn’t see you again.... Dad, don’t leave me again, okay? You barely come home. You’re always away for work. You never have time for me. I really missed you....”
“I was really scared there all by myself....”
Liang Chengshan pressed Xie He’s head against his chest. He didn’t let him see the pain in his eyes.
Back then, when Yang Jin had been with them, none of them had known that he had a family. Yang Jin only went home a few times each year. He had left Yang Ling and his mother, who were forced to rely on each other, on their own. This child...had actually lacked paternal love since he had been young. Later on, after Yang Jin was exposed, Liang Chengshan had found him in less than a year’s time.
Yang Jin had then been killed by him.
Their family hadn’t been whole for long before the happiness had ended...Yang Ling had become an orphan.
It was Liang Chengshan who had turned him into an orphan.
He had personally stolen from him the beautiful life he meant to have.
Liang Chengshan patted Xie He’s back softly and slowly said, “I won’t leave you again.” Not unless I’m dead.
When Xie He heard this, his tears turned into laughter. “Mn.”
Liang Chengshan covered up the suffering and sadness in his eyes. He was as gentle and warm as always. “Eat quickly now. After you finish, rest early. You’ve gotten thinner.”
Xie He didn’t eat well at the psychiatric hospital. He felt very at ease, seeing the table full of his favourites and his father by his side. He ate very happily.
After Xie He finished eating, Liang Chengshan had a change of clothes prepared for him and had him wash up. Xie He had still been wearing his wrinkly hospital gown. Xie He finished washing up very quickly but wasn’t willing to sleep by himself. He was insistent on sleeping with Liang Chengshan.
Liang Chengshan could only nod. So that Xie He would sleep soundly, Liang Chengshan held him in his arms.
Xie He slept very well in Liang Chengshan’s embrace. There was a small smile hanging on his lips and his face was thoroughly relaxed. There was an unprecedented calm and tranquility in him. He was like a child without any worries.
Liang Chengshan’s gaze bore into Xie He’s face. This was the person he loved so dearly.
He was currently lying in his arms peacefully, relying on him and trusting him in body and soul. But it was only because he had gone insane.
There was a chasm between them that couldn’t be crossed, preventing them from ever being together. If he were to force it, all he would get is a pile of shattered fragments. He loved the other so much but he had destroyed him in the end.
This had been like a puzzle that couldn’t be solved. His choices were to give up, or to destroy his beloved....
Right now, I finally know the answer to this problem.
If I had known what would have happened, I would have chosen to let go of you sooner. As long as you’re doing well, even if you’re not mine, that wouldn’t have mattered.
Liang Chengshan lowered his head, pressing his lips against Xie He’s forehead. His intense eyes were filled with a sea of love, but there was also sorrow mixed in that couldn’t be dispelled.
I killed your father...so I will accept Heaven’s punishment. I will love you in place of your father.
I will do everything I can to make it up for you. I will give back everything I stole from you....
This is the punishment I deserve.
Xie He was lying on a soft, comfortable, fresh-scented bed and wrapped in a warm, wide embrace. It was completely different from that ice-cold room....When he woke up, he discovered that Liang Chengshan was still with him.
It was noon of the second day. Liang Chengshan hadn’t had the heart to wake Xie He up. So, he held the other all this time, with one of his arms being used by Xie He as a pillow. He hadn’t moved an inch the entire night. His arm had already lost all feeling, but there was no pain on Liang Chengshan’s face. He smiled gently at Xie He, “You’re up.”
Xie He shifted, sitting up in bed. His eyes were full of happiness as he looked at Liang Chengshan. “Yes, Dad.”
Liang Chengshan saw that Xie He intended to get up. He also shifted. However, his right arm was still very stiff, so he couldn’t move it for the time being. He could only rub Xie He’s head with his other hand. “Go get changed. It’s time to eat.”
Xie He didn’t notice Liang Chengshan’s discomfort at all. He got up joyfully and went to get changed.
Liang Chengshan slowly got out of bed. When he raised his arm to put on his coat, his brows furrowed in pain. However, the pained look quickly eased and he went to take Xie He out.
Xie He was very dependent on Liang Chengshan. His eyes were constantly on him. Even when they were eating, he would occasionally look at Liang Chengshan. It was like he was afraid that Liang Chengshan would disappear in a moment of inattention.
Liang Chengshan smiled helplessly. “Don’t worry, I’m here.”
Xie He was a little embarrassed. He lowered his head. “I’m scared you’ll suddenly disappear. It was like that in the past. You would always come home all of a sudden but would have to leave again soon after....You’d leave Mom and me at home....”
Liang Chengshan looked heartbroken. “I’m sorry.”
Xie He seemed to have suddenly thought of something. He asked Liang Chengshan, “Dad, where’d Mom go? I haven’t seen her in a long time. Where is she?”
Liang Chengshan’s gaze grew distant as he recalled that woman. He had only seen Ji Ling once. That time, she hadn’t hesitated to jump in front of Yang Jin and die under his gun. She had been an innocent, courageous woman....
Yang Ling’s mother had also been killed by him.
Liang Chengshan felt his heart throb in pain. It felt like his blood was being drained from his veins. He slowly spoke in a low voice, “She went travelling. She won’t be back for a while.”
Xie He looked dejected. “Mom doesn’t want us? Why did she go away for so long?”
Liang Chengshan looked at him. “Of course not. She’s only gone for a little while. She would never throw you away.”
Xie He took in Liang Chengshan’s earnest and firm expression and was finally convinced. He flashed a radiant smile. “Mn, Mom loves me the most! I also think that she’d never throw me away! I’ll wait for her to come back!”
Liang Chengshan nodded. “Good.”
After saying this, he didn’t dare meet Xie He’s eyes. He could only turn his face away so that the other wouldn’t see the pain in his eyes.
I’m sorry. The person you’re waiting for will never come back.
Liang Chengshan had gone to great pains to take Xie He out of the psychiatric hospital. He could see that Xie He’s state wasn’t very stable, so he didn’t leave the house for several days. He spent all his time with Xie He inside the manor. He cared for him and cherished him as if he really was the other’s father.
When one loved someone enough, one would no longer care about how one was spending time with them. As long as Xie He was happy, Liang Chengshan was willing to continue like this forever, pretending to be the other’s father.
He was willing to give Xie He anything he wanted.
His formidable self-control that he was immensely proud of, as well as his shrewdness, allowed him to conceal his pain. He would only let Xie He see the sides of him that Xie He wanted to see.
He would bear the weight of his ugly, rotten sins by himself.
Another couple of days passed. Liang Chengshan had some business to attend to and had no choice but to leave the house. He hesitated before asking Xie He, “I have to go out for a bit today but will be back soon. Are you okay staying home on your own?”
Xie He really didn’t want to. But he knew that his father had to go to work, and that he couldn’t spend all his time at home with him. Therefore, he nodded.
Liang Chengshan didn’t feel assured. He ordered the servants and the bodyguards repeatedly to take good care of Xie He before leaving.
As soon as Liang Chengshan left, Xie He’s smile fell from his face. He became quiet and reticent. He sat on the sofa in the lounge with no intentions of going anywhere else.
The butler cautiously asked, “Young master, do you want to watch TV? Or take a walk in the garden?”
Xie He shook his head silently.
【Xie He：It’s definitely better with Uncle Liang. My quality of life here is so much higher here. Honestly speaking, the psychiatric hospital really isn’t somewhere people can live. It’s not easy for me with what I have to do for the sake of Favourability points. Smile.JPG】
【444：NodNodNod.GIF】It had been really terrible there. It had been really hard to give Host dada ‘special treatment’ there in secret. He was watched all day long. It was just barely better than the little black room.
【Xie He：Uncle Liang has really good situational awareness. He’s actually good at being a dad. This just shows that sometimes, when someone doesn’t do something well, it doesn’t necessarily mean that they can’t do it, they just don’t want to do it. If he was willing to treat Liang Ze even a tenth of how well he treats me, Liang Ze wouldn’t have blackened. Truly a pitiful child. Tut tut.】
【444：......】
【Xie He：Although he’s really pitiful, I can’t let him go because I want those experience points. Keep a look out for news of Liang Ze, Baby.】
【444：(⊙v⊙) Mn!】
【Xie He：I’m really pleased with Dad Edition Uncle Liang. But if we continue like this, the Favourability Value won’t rise. It’s about time to give him a little surprise. Smile.JPG】
【444：......】I’m shaking._(:зゝ∠)_
Xie He waited at home in silence. His ears were pricked, trying to listen for any sounds of movement from the other side of the door. Finally, he heard those familiar footsteps. A smile immediately bloomed on his face and he jumped off of the sofa, dashing to the front door. Because he was too much in a hurry, he tripped and fell onto the floor. His knees stung but he didn’t care. He continued to run outside and charged straight into Liang Chengshan’s arms.
Liang Chengshan wrapped his arms around Xie He and scolded him lovingly. “What are you running so quickly for? Be careful not to fall.”
Xie He hugged him. “I’ve been waiting for you. I missed you so much.”
Liang Chengshan shut his eyes. Every time he heard Xie He say things like this, he couldn’t help but think of when Xie He had ben in his right mind....That gaze full of hatred constantly reminded him that none of this was real.
Every sliver of this beautiful illusion was evidence of his sins.
Liang Chengshan carried Xie He to the sofa. He said, “You hurt your knee.”
Xie He only seemed to notice it now. He felt his knees sting.
Liang Chengshan’s heart ached. He went to get some cotton swabs and rubbing alcohol. He then rolled Xie He’s pants up gently, revealing the other’s injured knees. There was a bit of blood oozing from the wound.
Xie He looked down. When he saw the blood...his face paled and his breathing turned frantic. His eyes closed and he fainted!
Liang Chengshan hadn’t yet treated Xie He’s wounds when he saw Xie He suddenly faint. His expression changed at once. He immediately had his butler call for a doctor.
He paced back and forth anxiously, waiting in the living room.
The doctor arrived very quickly. He examined Xie He carefully and then asked Liang Chengshan about what had happened. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, he said, “He’s fine. He just fainted at the sight of blood....”
Liang Chengshan didn’t feel relieved. His expression sunk slightly, as if he didn’t believe the doctor. “He fainted because he saw blood?”
The doctor nodded. “Yes.”
Liang Chengshan was silent for a while before he nodded. “I understand.”
The doctor treated Xie He’s knees before leaving.
Only then did Liang Chengshan come over to Xie He’s side. He held the other gently and gazed at Xie He’s pale face.... Fainting at the sight of blood? How was that possible? He hadn’t forgotten that Xie He used to be his most efficient subordinate. He had been coldhearted, killing people without blinking an eye. He had been so determined when attempting to assassinate Liang Chengshan too.... How could a sharp, dangerous being like this, who was always treading the line between life and death, faint at the sight of blood?
He caressed Xie He’s cheek. Pain accumulated in his eyes. He had made the person he loved most become like this....
Xie He woke up, consciousness murky. He found himself in bed. Liang Chengshan still held him, but the gaze the other used to look at him was more profound than before, as if there was some kind of indescribable, heavy sorrow in those eyes.
Xie He didn’t understand. He pressed closely against Liang Chengshan, his voice trembling. “I’m really scared....”
Liang Chengshan stroked him softly. “Don’t be afraid....”
Xie He calmed down under Liang Chengshan’s ministrations. He finally smiled. “Luckily Dad’s here. I don’t have to think of anything or fear anything if Dad’s protecting me. I like my life right now.”
Liang Chengshan nodded and earnestly stressed, “I will always protect you.”
He said this very calmly, but no one knew just how much pain he felt inside.
Yes...Xie He wanted a peaceful life like this. If he had had parental love and a complete family, he would not have been controlled by his hatred from a young age. He would be living a blissful, serene life right now....
He wouldn’t have had to see bloodshed. He wouldn’t have had to kill. If they had a choice, who would be willing to walk along the blade of a knife and be faced with danger with every step of the way...? Who wouldn’t want to lead a peaceful, stable life?
The damage Liang Chengshan had inflicted on Xie He had not started when he had imprisoned him. It had begun much, much earlier....
If it weren’t for him, Xie He wouldn’t have had to learn how to kill people. He wouldn’t have had to conceal his identity and infiltrate his organization. He wouldn’t have had to do all those things he hadn’t wanted to do. He wouldn’t have had to discard his conscience. He wouldn’t have had to force himself to become a cold-blooded, ruthless person.
He wasn’t that type of person. He had been a very good child. But it had been Liang Chengshan that had pushed him onto the road of revenge.
Liang Chengshan held Xie He tightly. What should I do to help you get better? Or should I let you continue on like this, let you forget about all that pain...?
I don’t know what to do. This is the first time I don’t know what to do.
Regardless of whether I go forward or back, a bottomless pit awaits me.
..............................
Xie He stayed at home with his mind at ease. He was a very good child who was never fussy. In the beginning, he stuck to Liang Chengshan. But later on, he seemed to develop new hobbies. He began to take up drawing.
He drew at the level of an elementary school-aged child, likely a reflection of his mental age. But regardless of what he drew, Liang Chengshan would always encourage him and praise him gently.
This made Xie He very happy.
Xie He practiced for some time. One day, when Liang Chengshan came back from work, he watched as Xie He happily handed today’s drawing to him, as if presenting a treasure.
He had drawn three people—there was a little child holding the hands of the adults on either side of him. Xie He pointed to the people in his drawing and said, “This is Dad, this is Mom, and this is me. Is my drawing pretty?”
Liang Chengshan felt his heart clench. He quietly said, “Very pretty.”
Xie He was ecstatic. But his mood dampened right after. He said, “Why hasn’t Mom come home yet. When will she come home...?”
Liang Chengshan didn’t have an answer for this. He could only say, “She’ll be home really soon.”
Xie He was still in low spirits. He had waited for so long. Dad always said that she would be back really soon...but Mom had never come back.
After dinner, Liang Chengshan held Xie He as they lied in bed. With a gentle voice, he said, “Sleep early.”
Xie He didn’t sleep. His bright eyes were opened wide. He stared at Liang Chengshan and then suddenly kissed Liang Chengshan on the lips.
Liang Chengshan was startled. There was the cool scent of the person he loved on his lips. It intoxicated him. But he hadn’t forgotten that Xie He still thought that he was Yang Jin right now. This wasn’t right.
He pulled Xie He away from him, his expression rather stern. “What are you doing?”
Xie He looked helpless. He had never seen Liang Chengshan look so stern. He timidly said, “Are you angry?”
Liang Chengshan sucked in a deep breath. “You shouldn’t do that.”
Xie He looked like he didn’t understand what was happening. He subconsciously felt like Liang Chengshan would like this. He felt puzzled. “Don’t you like me kissing you? I thought you would like it....”
Pain emerged in Liang Chengshan’s eyes. He does like it...but he couldn’t accept Xie He doing this right now. It would only cause him more pain.
Because the current Xie He...thought he was Yang Jin.
Xie He’s eyes turned watery and he spoke in an aggrieved tone. “I just want to make you happy. I don’t know what I can do for you. I just knew that this was supposed to make you happy.... Dad, bring Mom home for me, please?”
“Bring Mom home for me. I’ll be good. I’ll make you happy. I really miss Mom....”
As Liang Chengshan heard Xie He speak, he felt his heart tear into millions of pieces.
He couldn’t do it. He wasn’t omnipotent....He couldn’t bring back the dead. He couldn’t help the person he loved return to normal....
He couldn’t give Xie He a normal life. He couldn’t give him back his deceased parents.
He could never make up for the harm he had caused.
Liang Chengshan suddenly hugged Xie He tightly, subduing the other’s uneasy struggles. He held him tightly. This was the only way...he could ascertain that the person in his arms was still warm.
The person he loved still lived, just like he had wanted. But to live like this...he might be better off dead.
Xie He watched as Liang Chengshan hugged him tightly like this, not responding to his questions. He didn’t dare move. He felt like there was something off about Liang Chengshan’s emotions. However, he quickly fell asleep, held in this warm embrace. It was just that Liang Chengshan still hadn’t promised to bring his mother back....
Liang Chengshan felt the breath of the young man in his arms even out. He rested his chin on the top of the other’s hand, his hold tightening slowly. He was shaking slightly.
He didn’t move for a long time. He then slowly craned his head down and placed a yearning, affectionate kiss against Xie He’s hair. He then spoke with a quiet, hoarse voice.
“If you get better...I’ll let you kill me yourself.”
“So get better, okay?”
【Ding, the target Liang Chengshan’s Favourability Value +1. The current Favourability Value is 99.】
sere: oofie... right in the feelz.... You deserved it u turd...
Eve: This world will wrap up in the next chapter. Then, we start the final world and finally get to meet ML. This is it guys~ The moment we’ve all been waiting for is coming~
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