Stranger Danger

Chapter 102: Exceptional

“I have forests but no trees.

I have lakes but no water.

I have roads but no travelers.

Who am I?”

With Wawa as his guide, Ye Qing easily made it all the way to the ninth step almost as if he was taking a slow walk. He answered immediately when he saw the riddle, “The answer is map!”

A map had images of forests but no actual trees, images of lakes but no water, and images of roads but no travelers. It was such an easy riddle that he didn’t even need to use Wawa this time.

In fact, he had barely used Wawa at all throughout his climb. As long as the seal scripts—or rather, the Riddler—didn’t cheat, he was fairly certain he could answer every riddle without relying on Wawa!

“Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh… Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh…”

He had just finished answering the ninth riddle when he heard a long, disturbing groan from behind. He turned around just in time to see Xiao Yang crawling up to the ninth step.

“Brother… you haven’t answered a riddle correctly even once, have you?” Ye Qing sighed sympathetically as he stared at the man—no, the man-shaped liquid in front of him. Xiao Yang looked so spent it was a miracle he was even capable of crawling. One look was all Ye Qing needed to know the guy had screwed up every riddle presented to him and screamed the whole way.

“You have my respect if nothing else, brother!”

And how could he not? Xiao Yang was basically brute-forcing his way up the Mountain of Riddles by throwing himself into every pitfall like a suicide machine. While it allowed him to keep pace with Ye Qing, a lesser person would’ve lost their minds after their second or third punishment in a row, much less the ninth.

“You flatter me, brother!” Xiao Yang shot him a grin before flopping over like a fish. Then, he uttered without even bothering to look at the riddle in front of him, “Come get me!”

Xiao Yang had given up after the first few attempts to solve the riddles. It was because he realized that the riddles were specifically targeted at his weakness. No matter how hard he racked his brain—seriously, he was thinking harder than when he was plotting against his victims—he just could not get it right no matter what.

No wonder true scholars could climb up the ranks and earn heaps and heaps of silvers just by flapping their mouths and shaking their brush. No wonder people like him could only risk their lives on the battlefield to earn just enough money to survive until the next day. If smart people excelled at governing people, then dumb people excelled at being ordered around like the dumbass they were!

Xiao Yang made up his mind then to kill a couple of scholars for his people as soon as he got out of this Strange Realm—especially those who reminded him of Ye Qing!

“Come, bebe! I am the one who will endure all the punishments!” Xiao Yang shouted with great courage. As if sensing his determination, the floating words transformed into an inferno and trapped Xiao Yang in an instant.

“Last time it was deep frying, and now it’s BBQ? The Riddler really is plotting to turn him into a dish!” Ye Qing muttered to himself while looking sympathetically at Xiao Yang.

It was at this moment he noticed something. “Huh. I guess he isn’t all brawn and no brain after all.”

Xiao Yang looked like he was having an absolute heck of a time within the flames, but a closer look would reveal that the hat he was wearing was leaking something golden that clung tightly to his body. As a result, the flames failed to do any real damage to him at all.

Not only that, his senses were telling him that the hat was continuously absorbing the essence of the flames and weakening them. He would not have noticed it if his spiritual power hadn’t drastically increased thanks to the “Emperor Fuxi Visualization Method”.

That’s definitely a Strange Artifact, a fire-type Strange Artifact no less! A thought suddenly popped into Ye Qing’s mind. What if… no, forget it. I should just resume my climb.

When Ye Qing climbed onto the tenth step, a loud and melodious chime suddenly came from the peak. The sound waves pushed away the rainbow fog above their heads to reveal the ink-wash seal script they had met at the beginning. It declared loudly and clearly while flapping its wings, “It’s time for a couplet challenge!”

“Oh… did an incense stick pass already?” Ye Qing exclaimed in pleasant surprise. In his opinion, completing couplets was way easier than solving riddles!

“The first line is: grow long, grow long, continue to grow long—” Ink-wash words full of life and energy started aligning themselves in the sky. “—please complete the second line. You have one tea time!”

“Wait a second, I recognize this couplet! This is plagiarism!” Ye Qing blinked. In fact, it was a world-famous couplet in his previous world. [1]

What a scummy Stranger… is what I would say, if not for the fact that I know several answers thanks to it!

“Wawa, you don't need to help me this time. Allow me to show you the power of five thousand years of Chinese history!” Ye Qing winked at the Book Sprite sitting on his shoulder.

“Okay! Wawa loves it when you embarrass yourself, friend!” Wawa clapped her tiny hands excitedly.

“...” Just you wait, you'll be sorry but your tears will be too late!

He was just about to mouth a retort when he heard a scholarly voice saying, “Allow me!”

He looked up. The rainbow fog in the sky abruptly joined together to form a large mirror. It showed an unfamiliar man clad in a moon white uniform.

“Damn. This challenge is going to be broadcasted live?” Clearly, the scholarly voice he heard earlier belonged to this person. “This guy isn’t one of us though. He must be one of the people who went missing!”

It was at this moment the young man in the sky coughed twice and shuffled his feet a little before answering, “Grow long, grow long, continue to grow long; soar high, soar high, continue to soar high.”

The moment he finished giving his answer, the line “soar high, soar high, continue to soar high.” appeared in the sky. The text was gold in color, and there was a “1” floating above it.

“Well answered, well answered! It’s my turn now!”

This time, it was a frivolous-sounding voice who spoke up. The scholarly man in the mirror disappeared and was replaced by a handsome middle-aged man who looked like he had bedded his fair share of women. While holding a folding fan and wearing a casual smile on his face, he answered, “‘Grow long, grow long, continue to grow long’, is it? In that case, my answer is, ‘dive deep, dive deep, to dive ever deeper’.”

Flap! The middle-aged man opened his fan as soon as he finished and fanned himself twice. There was no mistake. He was definitely a heartbreaker.

The middle-aged man’s answer appeared underneath the scholarly man’s answer. The text was silver in color, and the number ‘2’ floated above it.

“My turn.”

A third voice answered the call, but this time it was bright, melodious, and feminine. It clearly belonged to a woman. The image in the sky changed again to reveal a shapely woman, though her face was concealed by a veil. Ye Qing could almost hear the middle-aged man sighing in dejection.

She breathed through vermillion lips, “Grow long, grow long, continue to grow long; always growing, always growing, continually growing.”

Her answer appeared in the sky just like the others, but this time it did not appear at the bottom. Instead, it appeared atop both answers and shone a golden color. The number ‘1’ also appeared above it. The former number 1 answer dropped to second place and turned to silver, whereas the former number 2 answer dropped to third place and turned to bronze.

“I see! It’s a ranking list!” Ye Qing exclaimed in realization. Obviously, the higher one’s ranking, the more steps would be awarded for clearing the challenge. The woman definitely deserved first place though. Not only was it the answer to the couplet in his previous world, it was also structurally appropriate and more meaningful. He was going to claim it for himself, but now he was going to have to use an inferior answer instead.

“Is it really that easy? I have it then!” A boorish voice interrupted. The mirror shifted once more to reveal a brawny man with a square head carrying a crucible steel stick in his hand. With a proud grin on his face, he declared,

“Listen well, brothers and sisters! My answer is, ‘get hard, get hard, getting hard as fuck’!”

“......”

For a moment, Ye Qing could not think of anything. “Grow long, grow long, continue to grow long; get hard, get hard, getting hard as fuck”? How sublime! It was simple yet illuminating, shocking yet unforgettable, uncouth yet oh-so-evocative… ahem.? Whoever said that the right answer must be the best answer? If he was the examiner, he would definitely award the guy first place!

Unfortunately, it would seem that the ink-wash seal script had a different opinion. As if enraged by the answer, it uttered, “Uncivilized boor!” before flapping its wings and somehow slapping the man across space and time. The poor man was slapped so hard that he literally spun a circle on his feet, leaving a dark red palm print on his cheek.

The boorish man clutched his face looking wronged and innocent. The ink-wash seal script called him an uncivilized boor, and it was right. He was an uncivilized boor, so how could he possibly provide a “civilized” answer? If it thought that he was unsuited for the Mountain of Riddle, then it shouldn’t have kidnapped him to begin with!

“Wow… uncivilized much?” Ye Qing blinked. Obviously, the ink-wash seal script was one of those types—a hypocrite hiding behind a veil of civility.? He knew the boorish man couldn’t see him, but he mentally offered him some sympathy and moral support anyway.

The challenge resumed, but every answer that came after the legendary answer felt so plain and boring that Ye Qing wished they could get on with it already. Not only that, the ink-wash seal script had placed the boorish man’s answer at the absolute last place of the ranking. The challengers continued to answer the couplet one after another, but no one’s answer was ever bad enough to “bottom” the ranking.

“Such a shame! Such a shame!” Ye Qing shook his head regretfully. You do not understand love, Stranger!

“My turn!”

It was at this moment a familiar voice jolted him back to reality. Xiao Yang’s image then appeared in the sky mirror.

“Xiao Yang? I don’t want to put you down, but are you sure you know how to complete a couplet?” Ye Qing looked at the Patrolman and rubbed his chin doubtfully. Xiao Yang’s spirit was commendable, but his intelligence? Tsk tsk.

“Ahem…” Xiao Yang coughed once before clasping his hands behind his back and looking forty degrees upward. He actually looked pretty handsome at that moment. After he was done posing, he began slowly, “So, the first line is ‘grow long, grow long, continue to grow long’, huh? It reminds me of a farmer’s hopefulness as they watch their crops grow. Not bad, not bad! It would only be right if I give my all to provide a fitting answer.”

He shuffled back and forth for a bit and touched his bangs. Then, he slowly raised an arm to the heavens as if confessing to a lover and said with a most narcissistic expression, “My answer is, ‘shit hard, shit often, do not stop shitting.’”

“Manure is key to growing strong, healthy crops. With periodic fertilizing, one can ensure that the crops will ‘grow long’ and ‘continue to grow long’. Is this not the perfect complement to the couplet?”

Ye Qing: “...”

Everyone: “...”

The ink-wash seal script: “...”

For a long time, Ye Qing could only gape at Xiao Yang. You know you have found a truly exceptional soul when their words or actions stupefied both humans and Strangers alike. When he finally came to, Ye Qing gave the exceptionally shitty answer a mental thumbs-up and thought: Respect, brother!

1. The original in Chinese is 长长长长长长长 - an English example would be “Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo”, and no, it’s completely different from the raw text. I’m using this because it allows me to actually be somewhat accurate in the following translation, as you will see later. 👈

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