Sorcerer’s Handbook

Chapter 150: Protecting Yourself

“Am I afraid?”

Freya asked subconsciously, “But didn’t you just say I was happy?”

“Happiness and fear can coexist,” Adra explained. “I’ve seen many people like this in the betting games at the casino—they get an excellent hand, so they’re thrilled about the prospect of winning, but they also worry that their opponent might have a better hand, so the fear and anxiety linger.”

“Happiness comes from what you already have, while fear stems from the possibility of it being taken away at any moment. Freya, who are you betting against, and what’s the stake?”

“Since this class is so boring anyway, you might as well talk to me instead of a psychotherapist; it won’t even cost you.”

Freya hesitated, “Usually, for psychotherapy, one should seek a psychotherapist with no connection to their personal life…”

“True,” Adra propped up her chin, gazing at Freya’s lovely face, “but you look so happy, yet your eyes are screaming ‘save me.’ I simply can’t stand by and do nothing.”

Freya gently caressed her cheek, momentarily lost in thought.

Adra didn’t rush her, waiting quietly at her side.

Today’s sunshine was pleasant, and the professor’s lecture was almost hypnotic.

In such a tranquil everyday scene, Freya seemed out of place.

Because she radiated a happiness that Adra had never seen before.

Even when Adra had seen gamblers turn the tables at the casino, clearing their debts and avoiding a fate of being turned into a mechanical miner for life, they weren’t as joyful as Freya;

Even when students got accepted as graduate students at the Red Mist Research Institute, they weren’t as carefree as Freya;

Even successful entrepreneurs, sorcerers, professors, scholars—they weren’t as at peace as Freya.

It was truly… blinding.

Even Adra felt a sense of revulsion, to the point of wanting to vomit.

After a long silence, Freya finally spoke, “I know a Bewitcher…”

“Oh, pfft, hahaha, go on, you were saying?” Adra could hardly contain herself.

Freya gave Adra an annoyed glance and continued, “Recently, she met a man due to some special reasons…”

Because of the Contract, Freya couldn’t reveal specifics about Ashe’s identity, appearance, or the fact that he was living in her apartment, among other details. However, she could share vague information. For instance, their nights spent together could be described as staying in a hotel overnight; their daily shared dinners could be mentioned as Freya visiting Ashe’s place for a meal; the way Freya scared Ashe from getting into bed…

After sharing these fragmented experiences from the past few days, Freya expressed the inexplicable emotions in her heart, “Now, I feel both affection and disgust for him, both a desire to be close and a wish to stay away. I wonder if I’m sick…”

“Isn’t that easy to understand?” Adra laughed. “The Bewitcher has fallen for him.”

“No, that’s absolutely not it,” Freya shook her head. “I’ve been in love before. Love is about closeness, embracing, greed, taking—how could it include disgust or the desire for distance?”

Adra replied, “Love comes in many forms, and it has many purposes. The kind of love you’re used to is born out of physical attraction, a fiery passion to satisfy desires. When you find a better ‘shell,’ your love shifts with it. For you, that kind of love is replaceable.”

“But what that man offers the Bewitcher isn’t a fleeting desire, but the joy of understanding, the companionship of the everyday, the harmony of souls. You may encounter many more attractive ‘shells’ in your future, but intriguing souls? Perhaps there’s only this one.”

“This is why the Bewitcher feels such aversion to this love, even trying to distance herself—because he is irreplaceable. What’s more terrifying is that he has gradually become a part of the Bewitcher’s life, like a poison seeping into the marrow, impossible to extract by any means.”

“What an evil man, integrating the Bewitcher into his life, thus stepping into hers; seeking to understand the Bewitcher, making her want to understand him in return; depending on the Bewitcher, leading her to depend on him.”

“Perhaps only a man who has completely abandoned his self-respect, his independent life, and his privacy would do such a thing. Even someone with the most basic moral education from the Nursery wouldn’t stoop so low.” Adra shook her head. “It’s unbelievable that there are still such shameless men these days, and even more so that one has successfully charmed the Bewitcher. Such bad luck for her.”

Freya listened, feeling bewildered, and asked subconsciously, “What should I do?”

“Follow your instincts, despise him, stay away from him,” Adra said softly. “If you continue like this, you’ll only sink deeper into these intense emotions and lose yourself. In the end, what binds you will not only be the man but also everything you’ve invested in him.”

“You’ve heard it many times in the Nursery, haven’t you? ‘All relationships that worry you will contaminate you’, ‘all relationships that make you compromise will hurt you’, ‘all relationships that make you change will dominate you’. Everything that man is doing is contaminating you, hurting you, dominating you.”

Adra took Freya’s hand, “We’ve received so much education, not to lose ourselves. We are born for ourselves, and only for ourselves; there’s no spare room for others.”

“Do you remember the main essence of the Bloodline Prohibition Act?”

Freya murmured, “It’s… personal freedom…”

“Yes, personal freedom, because after the Bloodline Prohibition Act, the family unit ceased to exist, and with it, the foundations of kinship and romance. Everyone severed all societal shackles, which is how personal freedom was attained.”

“Perhaps he seems very important to you now, but that’s just a current ‘illusion’. Next year, next month, tomorrow, even the next second, new thoughts can emerge, new attractions can form, and desires for a different life can arise.”

“This isn’t just for your sake, but also for his, considering Humans are even more prone to change than Bewitchers.”

“Think about it, what if he suddenly has a new thought, decides to leave you—how would that feel?”

Confronted with the reality of a rapidly approaching expiration date, Freya suddenly felt breathless and managed to say, “…it would hurt.”

“Just knowing him for a short while has caused you pain, what if after months, years, you twist yourself out of shape, bending over backward just to keep him?”

“You’re anticipating this possibility yourself; you’re worried about this future, which is why you’re so unsettled, why you want to distance yourself.”

“Because you want to protect yourself, even from something as soft as a marshmallow, you’re still afraid of getting hurt.”

Watching Freya’s increasingly pitiful expression, Adra whispered in her ear, “We don’t need irreplaceable love.”

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