VOLUME 6 – TO THE LIMITS OF DESPAIR (1)
file 02: fluctuation (yin) ()
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1
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– I can’t believe it.
Haruka dressed herself hurriedly, left the flat and rushed into a cab.
Even after she told the driver the address, it felt unreal, like she was watching a television drama.
The city scenery passing her by in the window that should have been familiar also looked like something from a different world.
Her fingers were trembling slightly.
– Why did this happen?
<Isshin-san was stabbed and taken to the hospital.>
When Ishii told her that, all she could say was ‘Is that so?’ because she hadn’t known what to reply since it was so unexpected.
How was his condition? Why did something like this happen? And who did it?
She had many questions, but at that moment, all of them flew out of her head.
– This is a dream.
She thought that many times. Even now, as she rode in the cab, she still wondered if she would wake up.
There was no reason for Isshin to be stabbed.
He was the sort of person who others would be grateful for rather than begrudge.
– Then why?
Haruka clasped her hands together and just prayed that Isshin would be all right.
When she got to the bed, Isshin would be lying on the bed and smile, saying, ’I’m fine. It’s just a graze.’ Then, Yakumo would complain, saying, ’Uncle, you shouldn’t scare people like that.’
– Right. That’s how it’ll go. Please let it go that way.
The more Haruka wished, the more the uneasiness in her heart grew.
Finally, the cab arrived at the hospital entrance.
It was the hospital she had visited with Yakumo and Isshin today. She hadn’t thought she would return like this.
Haruka paid the driver the fare and got off the cab to go into the hospital’s night entrance.
She went through the passage and stepped into the dim and quiet lobby.
She saw people sitting next to each other on the bench in the corridor.
It was Gotou and Nao.
Gotou had his head hung low, and his shirt was dyed deep red.
Nao was hugging her knees as she sat.
– This really isn’t a dream.
’Detective Gotou.’
Haruka put strength into her body and called out to Gotou.
Gotou slowly looked up.
His usual hearty demeanour was gone – he looked like he could die at any moment.
’Oh, it’s you, Haruka-chan?’ replied Gotou, raising his right hand.
Nao looked up as well.
Her eyes were filled with tears, but she was biting her lip to keep them from falling.
It hurt to look at her trying to act strong.
’Nao-chan, you OK?’ said Haruka, sitting down next to her.
Nao’s face was red from holding in her emotions.
’You can cry,’ said Gotou, patting Nao on the head.
With that, Nao flew towards Haruka.
Haruka accepted Nao and hugged her tightly.
Nao sobbed, shoulders shaking. Haruka’s shirt was wet with Nao’s tears.
Haruka gently rubbed Nao’s back.
’It’s fine. It’ll be fine,’ murmured Haruka, hugging Nao more tightly.
Since Haruka hadn’t heard the situation, there was no evidence behind those words, but all they could do now was believe in them.
After crying for a while, Nao calmed down.
Finally, she wiped her tears and sat back down on the bench, hugging her knees.
’Damn, what a strong girl,’ said Gotou was a wry smile.
’It’s true. Nao-chan is a strong girl,’ agreed Haruka.
’This girl was there too. She was crying because of what happened, and I told her not to. Then, she completely stopped and had held it in until now.’
Gotou appeared to be regretting what he said.
’Nao-chan, you did well.’
Haruka patted Nao’s hair and gripped her hand.
Nao gripped Haruka’s hand too.
It was a small but very strong hand.
’How is Isshin-san’s condition?’
Haruka said the thing highest up on her mind.
’Still in surgery. I don’t know anything either.’
Gotou gave a vague response.
However, from looking at the blood on his shirt, Haruka could easily imagine that the situation wasn’t good.
– But it’ll be fine. Isshin-san won’t die so easily.’
’Where’s Yakumo-kun?’
She’d thought he’d be here first, but she didn’t see him.
’Ishii went to pick him up.’
’I see...’ murmured Haruka, looking at her feet.
After that, nobody spoke.
The silence made it feel like even time was in a stupor.
I wonder how much time has passed –
The sound of footsteps echoed through the lobby.
Haruka looked up.
Yakumo was there, like he had come out of the darkness.
He didn’t appear rushed. He walked slowly, like he was checking every step.
’Yakumo-kun...’
Haruka stood up and called out to him.
However, she didn’t know what to say next, so she shut her mouth.
Yakumo walked up to them with a blank expression and patted Nao lightly on the head.
Though his mouth didn’t open, it looked like the two of them, who were facing each other, were saying something to each other.
’How’s Uncle?’ said Yakumo to nobody in particular.
’In surgery. He lost consciousness, but he was breathing,’ explained Gotou in a plain tone.
’Is that so?’
Yakumo said just that and then fell silent.
’I’m sorry that happened while I was there.’
Gotou stood up and bowed deeply towards Yakumo.
However, Yakumo made no response, as if he hadn’t heard anything. It was like his spirit had left him.
Ishii returned, a little late.
’How is the situation?’
Ishii ran in and spoke in an inappropriately loud voice.
’Quiet!’ said Gotou. He put a cigarette in his mouth and sat on the bench.
Haruka wanted to say something to Ishii, who looked confused, but she couldn’t bring herself up to it.
Haruka silently looked down again.
’Are you relatives?’
After a while, a man in a green operating gown spoke to them.
His oval face looked exhausted. He was so pale somebody might suspect he was a patient.
’I am the doctor on duty, Sakakibara.’
The man in the operating gown gave his name.
A nurse was behind him. It was Furukawa, the nurse who had shown the around the hospital for the ghost sighting.
’Oi! How’s his condition?’
Gotou was the first to speak.
Yakumo was standing and looking forward, like he had been before.
’He escaped death, but he hasn’t woken up yet. We cannot say anything for certain until we observe his condition for longer.’
’Is he OK?’
Gotou stood up forcefully.
’We don’t know. At this stage, he cannot breathe automatically,’ said Sakakibara quickly, perhaps disturbed by Gotou’s fierceness.
’What do you mean, you don’t know!? Aren’t you supposed to be a doctor?’
Gotou gripped Sakakibara by the collar and shook him threateningly.
’Please calm down.’
Furukawa stepped between them to try to stop him, but she was thrust away.
’Shut up! If anything happens to him, I’ll kill you instead!’ threatened Gotou further.
Things couldn’t keep going like this. Haruka stood up to stop Gotou, but Yakumo spoke up before she could.
’Gotou-san, please stop.’
Though he didn’t speak loudly, that one sentence made everyone stop moving.
Gotou lost his force, like a balloon leaking air, and he let go of Sakakibara’s collar.
Yakumo bowed towards Sakakibara, saying, ’I apologise.’
’Anyway, the patient will be moved to the ICU. At this stage, we cannot allow visits, but you can look from outisde.
’I will show you the way,’ said Furukawa.
’Damn it!’
Gotou kicked the bench, letting his anger out at something since it had nowhere to go. The loud noise reverberated through the loudly.
Yakumo’s murmur blended into the sound.
– I couldn’t save anyone this time either.
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2
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– I couldn’t save him, even though I was right there.
Gotou’s anger was directed towards his own weak-mindedness.
The anger couldn’t have been settled by kicking a bench. He knew that, but if he hadn’t done it, he might have collapsed.
Gotou’s life operated like this.
– I won’t let anyone be killed. I won’t let anyone die.
He had come so far believing that, but those thoughts never reached the whole way.
He saw Yakumo and the others walking down the corridor, led by the nurse.
However, Gotou didn’t feel like following them.
He was frozen in the corridor like he had become a rock.
– Even though I vowed to protect him no matter what, I couldn’t do anything.
He felt close to despair as the strength left his body.
He looked at his palms – they were dyed dark red with Isshin’s blood.
’Damn it.’
Regretting wouldn’t turn back the clock, but he still couldn’t help but think about it.
– Why did I leave Isshin by himself?
’It isn’t your fault, Detective Gotou,’ said Ishii, looking like he might start crying at any moment.
The trite consolation made Gotou even angrier.
’Then whose fault is it?’
’Eh?’
Ishii stepped back when Gotou glared at him.
’If it’s not my fault, whose is it?’
’That’s...’
Ishii looked frightened, but Gotou approached him more.
’Is it your fault?’
’I...’
’Who? Whose fault is it?’
’No... I...’
’Tell me!’ yelled Gotou, lifting Ishii by his shirt.
Normally, Ishii would have shrieked, but his mouth turned into a hard line and he took Gotou’s anger head-on.
’That’s right. It’s my fault.’
Ishii’s shoulders shook. There were tears in his eyes.
– Don’t make that face.
’You...’
Though Gotou said that, he felt his anger rapidly dissipating.
Ishii was suffering himself because he felt responsible, but he had still spoken to Gotou in his consideration.
Gotou hadn’t thought he’d need a weak man like Ishii to be considerate of him.
– What am I doing?
He felt very small for blaming himself and stopping.
He could regret as much as he wanted later, but there were other things he had to do now.
’If I had noticed something in the temple, Isshin-san wouldn’t have been stabbed. It was my fault. Everything was my fault.’
Ishii’s face was wet with tears as he spoke pleadingly.
’Don’t cry!’
Gotou hit Ishii’s head.
It felt like something had been woken from its sleep.
– There are things I still have to do.
He remembered.
He needed to reveal the truth of the case and make Miyuki pay for it. That wasn’t all.
– I’ll leave Yakumo and Nao in your care then.
Isshin’s words came up in Gotou’s head.
– He left Yakumo and Nao to me.
When Gotou thought that, he was stirred up by a strong force.
’It wouldn’t have mattered if somebody like you were there or not.’
Gotou let go of Ishii and clicked his tongue.
Ishii staggered backwards.
’What are you spacing out for?’
Gotou hit Ishii’s head again.
At first, Ishii shrugged in pain, but when he looked at Gotou, his expression became brighter immediately.
’I-I apologise.’
’There are things we’ve still got to do. We’ll regret later.’
Gotou said that to Ishii, but the words were actually also directed to himself.
It wasn’t like him to regret the past and think about questions with no answers. He’d move, move and move.
– That’s the sort of guy I am.
’Yes sir.’
Ishii stood up straight.
He’d never live down letting Ishii notice the important things before him.
Gotou hit Ishii once more.
’We’re going.’
Gotou spoke up loudly and then he started walking after Yakumo.
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3
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Haruka walked down the corridor, holding Nao’s hand.
More than being considerate of Nao, it felt like Haruka would lose herself if she didn’t hold onto somebody.
She looked at Yakumo, walking ahead of them.
His back wasn’t crying or angry.
– Yakumo’s empty shell.
It wasn’t an exaggeration – Haruka really felt that way.
Finally, they reached the ICU with Furukawa’s guidance.
Through a thick glass, Haruka could see Isshin lying on a bed.
Machines such as an ECG and EEG surrounded him, their many cords and tubes stretching over Isshin’s body.
A respirator covered his mouth and nose, so Haruka couldn’t see his face clearly.
Sakakibara and a number of nurses kept going in and out. It appeared that they were working hard to treat him.
Nao’s eyes were completely red as she pressed herself against the glass to look through it.
The difficult reality that was happening in front of her eyes –
Haruka’s chest hurt when she saw Nao accepting that and bearing it.
– Does Nao have any relatives besides Isshin?
That question suddenly came up in Haruka’s head.
Nao wasn’t old enough to live on her own. On top of that, she was deaf.
’How’s his condition?’
A voice interrupted Haruka’s thoughts.
She turned around to see Gotou standing there. Ishii was behind him.
’We cannot make any predictions yet.’
Furukawa spoke instead of Haruka.
’You better not die.’
Gotou said that threateningly to Isshin through the glass.
’Isshin-san won’t die and leave Nao-chan behind,’ said Haruka, clutching Nao’s hand.
Nao nodded in response.
When Gotou saw that, he seemed to become determined and he patted Nao’s head with a nod.
’Hey, Yakumo.’
Gotou looked at Yakumo.
Yakumo slowly raised his pale face. Though he didn’t respond, Gotou continued.
’I’ll take care of Nao.’
Haruka’s eyes went wide at those unexpected words as she looked at Gotou.
Even Yakumo appeared surprised. He gaped at Gotou.
’I’ll leave Nao in your care – that’s what Isshin said to me.’
Gotou scratched his head awkwardly and sat in front of Nao.
’Hey. That’s OK, right?’
Gotou turned a gentle smile that Haruka had never seen before towards Nao as he asked for her agreement.
Nao nodded, though Haruka didn’t know if she heard the words.
Gotou patted Nao’s head and then stood up.
He had to stay firm. Though Gotou didn’t say that aloud, Haruka felt that from Gotou.
’Yakumo. You don’t have any complaints either, right?’
Yakumo nodded silently at Gotou’s question.
Yakumo was always calmer than anybody and distant no matter where or when, but right now, he was like a piece of glass that would break if you touched it.
– Can I do anything at a time like this?
Haruka thought about it, but she couldn’t find an answer.
’I would like to discuss the patient with a relative...’
Sakakibara came out of the ICU and called out to them.
Yakumo silently nodded.
’Would you come to the first-floor examination room? Let’s talk there.’
After Sakakibara said that, he looked at all of them, bowed and then stuck his hands in the pocket of his white coat before walking down the corridor.
Even after Sakakibara left, Yakumo just looked down the corridor.
As if something was there –
Haruka looked down the corridor as well.
– What’s that?
She was so surprised she couldn’t speak.
A girl stood there.
Only her face was enveloped in a black shadow, as if it were dyed with ink.
– She isn’t from this world.
Haruka felt that immediately. She could see through the girl.
Perhaps that’s the ghost in the rumour that’s spreading through the hospital –
That girl opened her mouth.
’... die... soon... too...’
With the noise, Haruka couldn’t clearly hear what she said.
Finally, the girl disappeared, as if she had been swallowed by the darkness.
Nao looked at Yakumo questioningly.
She might have heard something.
’Yakumo-kun. That...’
Though Haruka spoke to him, there was no response from Yakumo.
Yakumo took out the black contact lens in his left eye.
Yakumo’s vivid red left eye was exposed.
’This...’
After murmuring that, Yakumo dropped his contact lens to the floor and stepped on it.
Crack –
The sound of the lens breaking sounded incredibly loud to Haruka.
’Yakumo-kun...’
Yakumo was clearly acting strange.
– Yakumo’s going to disappear.
Haruka spoke up in her uneasiness.
’Take care of Nao for me,’ muttered Yakumo. Then, he walked towards the darkness down the corridor.
– You’re OK, right, Yakumo?
Haruka murmured that in her heart.
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4
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Gotou was driving the car.
He looked at the rear-view mirror and saw Haruka and Nao sitting in the backseat.
They seemed afraid of something.
’OK?’ said Gotou, turning around after stopping the car at the red light.
– Is what OK?
He had just been trying to put them at ease, but even he thought it was a stupid question.
However, Haruka seemed to understand Gotou’s feelings and showed him a smile.
’Yes.’
Though she had a stiff smile instead of her usual bright one, it made him feel a bit better.
’I see...’
Gotou said just that and started the car.
’Er... is it all right not to say anything to your wife?’ asked Haruka, sounding concerned.
’It’s not a big deal.’
Gotou shrugged with a smile.
However, the truth was that Gotou had no idea how his wife Atsuko would react.
There was no time to make a fuss about it – would be his excuse.
It wouldn’t be the first time he used it.
– When did that start?
He found the answer to that immediately.
It was when Atsuko had had a miscarriage. Because of that, she could no longer bear children.
– Sorry.
Atsuko had said that to Gotou as an apology.
– Why are you apologising? Having no children isn’t a big deal. I’m fine as long as I have you.
That was what Gotou had really felt.
However, for some reason, he hadn’t said it aloud.
At the time, all Gotou had done was nod silently.
– Idiot!
Gotou had yelled that at himself, but he just couldn’t honestly express his feelings.
After that, the number of conversations he had with his wife rapidly lessened.
’What a stupid man...’
He unconsciously spoke aloud.
’Eh?’ said Haruka.
’Nothing,’ responded Gotou with a wry smile. Then, he parked his car in the parking lot for the police residence, where he lived.
’We’re here.’
Gotou turned off the engine and got off the car. Then, he looked up at the fourth-floor window for his flat.
The light was on.
It was always like this. No matter how late Gotou returned, the light would still be on.
When his relationship with Atsuko began, he had once mentioned that lonely it was living alone and returning to a dark room.
Now that he thought about it, it had implicitly suggested that he wanted to marry her.
Atsuko still hadn’t forgotten that conversation – she always kept the light on.
’OK, let’s go,’ said Gotou, waiting for Haruka and Nao to get off the car.
He didn’t know how Atsuko would react, but there was no point grumbling now.
Determined, Gotou went through the entrance, took the elevator up to the fourth floor and stood in front of the door to his flat.
He never pressed the intercom button.
Whether Atsuko was asleep or awake, he’d unlock the door with his own key and go inside. However, today, the situation was different.
Gotou took a deep breath and pressed the intercom button.
Soon there was a sound and the door opened.
Atsuko didn’t look surprised even after seeing Haruka and Nao at Gotou’s side.
’Oh, what is it?’ said Atsuko without any delay.
’We’re taking care of this girl for the next little while,’ said Gotou quickly, pulling Nao towards him.
For some reason, his hand was shaking.
’OK,’ said Atsuko, crouching to greet Nao with a smile.
Nao smiled back.
Even though it was an unreasonable request, Atsuko just accepted it, without asking anything. Though Gotou felt grateful to her, he didn’t know how to express it.
This wasn’t the first time for that either.
He was always grateful to Atsuko, but he never said anything. That had become natural for him.
Despite that, Atsuko never asked for a divorce.
– Why does she stay with me?
Sometimes Gotou wondered about that.
What was fun about being with somebody like him who never considered the home like him? Wouldn’t Atsuko have preferred a different life?
Gotou didn’t have the courage to ask.
’I’m going back to the precinct now. Ask Haruka-chan for the details.’
’Eh?’
Haruka sounded confused, but Gotou pretended not to hear and left to escape.
– Why am I running?
He didn’t know.
After he reached the elevator, his feet suddenly stopped and turned around.
It looked like Atsuko and the others had already gone inside – he couldn’t see them.
– What am I doing?
Gotou clicked his tongue and went into the elevator.
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5
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After Ishii returned to the precinct, he sank into his chair.
– I couldn’t do anything.
That sense of helplessness made him feel even more exhausted.
The image of Isshin bleeding on the floor kept flashing in front of his eyes.
I should have been able to save him. But –
Interrupting Ishii’s thoughts, which were becoming increasingly negative, his mobile phone rang. The number on the display was Hijikata Makoto’s.
’Hello, Ishii speaking.’
Ishii answered the phone with a heavy heart.
<The situation has become serious.>
That was the first thing Makoto said.
Makoto, who was a newspaper reporter, had probably heard that Isshin had been stabbed.
’Yes...’
Ishii gave a flat reply.
<Are you all right?>
Makoto’s worried voice reverberated in Ishii’s weakened heart.
’It’s my fault...’
He hadn’t planned on saying it, but he’d let it out of his mouth before he noticed.
The first impression Ishii had of Makoto was fear.
However, after a number of cases, he had come to know her and that impression had changed greatly.
Makoto was somebody who could be attentive of others. During the last case, Makoto had been the one who held out her hand towards Ishii, who had lost his way.
<What’s wrong?>
Makoto spoke in a gentle voice.
’I was at the scene. I was guarding Isshin-san, but...’
<Ishii-san...>
’That’s why everything’s my fault.’
<That’s not true!>
Makoto let out a loud voice on the other side of the phone.
’Eh?’
<If anybody is responsible, it’s the culprit. Don’t you think so?>
’Yes,’ replied Ishii, pressured by Makoto’s forceful tone.
<Let’s work our hardest to arrest the culprit. I’ll help as well.>
’I understand. Thank you very much.’
After saying his thanks, Ishii hung up.
He felt like his spirits were just a bit refreshed.
Just as Makoto said, I have to work my hardest to arrest the culprit now – Ishii felt like he had cleared his mind.
Just as Ishii turned back to the desk with a fresh mind, the door opened.
’You were back?’
Miyagawa came into the room.
Though he didn’t say anything, there was regret on his face.
– If I’d put out more guards.
His thoughts were clear on his face.
’Yes sir.’
’Then where’s Gotou?’ asked Miyagawa, looking at the chair across from Ishii.
’He returned to the official residence.’
’Hm?’
Miyagawa frowned. He looked dubious.
’E-er, um... He took in the victim’s daughter, so...’
Ishii quickly gave an explanation. Miyagawa’s frown deepened.
When Gotou said he would take Nao in, Ishii had been surprised too. He hadn’t thought Gotou would say that.
However, now that he thought about it, it was like Gotou.
Gotou was more soft-hearted than anyone. He wasn’t somebody who could refuse when asked to do something.
’Gotou took in the victim’s doctor?’
’Yes. The victim, Saitou Isshin-san, said he would leave the rest to Detective Gotou...’
’I see...’
Miyagawa looked up at the ceiling with great feeling and lit a cigarette.
The smoke slowly rose.
’Right. I almost forgot something important.’
After a silence, Miyagawa threw a file onto the desk.
’What is this?’
’The background of the guard on duty during the interview.’
’Ah,’ said Ishii in understanding.
The guard had been silently when Miyuki announced that she was going to kill somebody. Gotou had said it was suspicious and asked Miyagawa to look into his background.
Ishii flipped through the pages and looked at the documents.
Yamamura Mikio. Twenty-six years old. After graduating high school, he passed the examination to become a guard and took that on as his job.
’Ah!’
Ishii had been disappointed, but he unconsciously spoke up when he saw the address.
’What?’
Miyagawa probably felt something. His eyes were sharp.
’It’s Yamamura’s address.’
’Address?’
’Yes. It’s 〇〇. On the map...’
Ishii searched through his drawer, took out an atlas and spread it out on the desk.
He flipped through the pages to find〇〇.
’Here,’ said Ishii, pointing at a spot on the map.
Right then, Miyagawa’s expression completely changed.
’That’s where Nanase Miyuki’s case occurred fifteen years ago...’
Tension ran across Miyagawa’s face.
The place Yamamura lived and the place Miyuki lived were only a hundred metres apart, though the town names were different.
Though Ishii had no idea what that meant, he couldn’t write it off as just a coincidence.
’Perhaps Nanase Miyuki and Yamamura might have interacted when they were younger.’
By saying that aloud, Ishii became agitated.
He adjusted the position of his glasses with his finger and looked at the map again.
Their ages were close, so it was very possible.
If he imagined a bit further, he couldn’t deny the possibility that they had kept in contact even after the incident fifteen years ago.
’We can’t say anything with just this. It might just be a coincidence,’ growled Miyagawa, scratching his chin.
’Right...’
Ishii had no reply to that.
When he thought about it more, it was too hasty to think that Yamamura might be a conspirator just because he lived close by.
’But it’s too good to ignore.’
Miyagawa smirked at Ishii.
Ishii had been withering, but that was enough to make him swell up.
’Yes sir.’
’All right. I’ll look into Yamamura some more in the detective department. You and Gotou can look into other lines for me.’
’Other lines?’
’Any trivial thing is fine. Look into what happened at the scene again.’
’Yes sir.’
They had been at the scene.
Did we miss something – by looking into their memories again, they might be able to make new discoveries.
’I’m counting on you.’
Miyagawa picked up the documents and left the room.
– I’m counting on you.
The last thing Miyagawa said circled in Ishii’s mind.
Ishii had virtually never been counted on to do something in his life before. The exhilaration he had never felt before naturally brought a smile to his face.
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6
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Yakumo left the hospital through the night exit.
His body was heavy.
It felt like he would sink into the floor if he stopped even shortly.
Where should I head – without the answer to that question, Yakumo started walking.
He treaded along the asphalt road.
The sound of the passing cars was discomfiting.
He wanted to stifle his five stimulating senses and go to a world with nobody in it.
However, no such place existed.
No matter how much he ran, he would not be able to escape.
When Sakakibara informed him of Isshin’s condition, he could not possibly accept it. He wanted to believe it wasn’t the case.
– Why did this happen?
In Yakumo’s heart, rather than pondering over that question, he thought about how it was his fault that Isshin was in this situation.
Before he noticed, he had reached an empty lot.
It had originally been a building – but now it had been demolished, its rubble left behind.
– I should have died here.
Fifteen years ago, Yakumo’s own mother strangled him here and brought him near death.
However, he did not die.
To put it correctly, he was saved by one man.
– If I had died then.
That thought had passed Yakumo’s head countless times.
It is not as if I resent anybody. But perhaps I would have been happier if I had not existed – he would think that way.
He had seen the lives and deaths of many people up until now.
He had thought that he would become accustomed to it, but the wounds they carved into him grew deeper each day.
If he had died then, he would not have lost the people important to him.
He might not have suffered this way.
Naturally, he had experienced happiness in his life, but he felt that it had come together with the unhappiness of others.
My own cursed existence continues to make those around me unhappy –
Yakumo looked up at the sky.
The moon was out.
Its pale light was dazzling.
’What should I do?’
Nobody answered his question.
Yakumo started walking again in pursue of that answer.
He passed the shopping street in front of the train station and silently climbed the slope up to the university.
He finally reached the university.
In the moonlight, the lone school building stood like a gravestone.
Yakumo went around the back to the prefabricated building in Building B.
He opened the door to the <Movie Research Circle> and the very end of the first floor and stepped inside.
It was a dreary room, furnished with only a table, a refrigerator and a sleeping bag, but he had many memories here.
He had not had any memories until a year and a half ago.
However, her existence had made memories in this inhuman place.
Like being submerged in lukewarm water, he had even felt like his own existence had been recognised.
– That is a delusion.
He heard a voice.
Yakumo was uncertain as to whether it was his own inner voice or somebody else’s.
– Your red left eye is cursed. It makes everyone around you unhappy.
’Then what should I do?’
Yakumo looked up at the sky and asked that question to nobody in particular.
– The fleeting illusion of being loved will make you suffer.
’This voice...’
Yakumo realised the voice was not his inner one but that of a third party.
This voice’s owner was outside the room.
Yakumo immediately flew out of the room to look around.
However, all that was there was a pitch-black darkness.
-
7
-
Haruka woke up with a gasp.
Her hands were clammy with sweat.
She must have had an incredible nightmare, but she couldn’t remember what happened in it.
Nothing was clear. It was like her brain was refusing to accept what was happening.
Haruka was lying on top of a beige sofa.
Wind blew in from the window, moving the white lace curtain.
She didn’t recognise the room.
– Where am I?
Haruka slowly sat up.
’Are you all right? It seems like you’ve had quite the nightmare.’
She heard someone’s voice.
Haruka looked up to see a woman come into the room.
She looked to be in her late thirties. Her almond eyes seemed a bit strict, but she was a beautiful woman with a tidy air.
Haruka finally realised where she was when she saw this woman’s face.
She was Gotou’s wife, Atsuko.
When Haruka remembered that, the memories of last night came afresh to her mind.
Haruka couldn’t leave Nao alone when she looked so anxious, so she had come with her.
Gotou told Atsuko that they would be taking care of Nao for a while and left without explaining the details.
However, Atsuko hadn’t thought anything of it despite that.
– Welcome.
She had taken Haruka and Nao into her home with a smile, prepared a futon and kept busy until Nao fell asleep.
Once things calmed down, Haruka explained what had happened up until now.
It had taken longer than she thought it would. Gotou didn’t seem to have explained anything about the case yet, so Haruka had had to start from everyone’s relationships.
It seemed like Haruka had fallen asleep in her exhaustion.
To be honest, she wasn’t even sure how much she had explained.
’I’m sorry. It looks like I fell asleep.’
’Oh, don’t worry about it.’
’How much did I explain?’
’You were kind enough to explain to the end,’ said Atsuko, sticking up her thumb.
’I see... I’m sorry.’
’Ah, that’s right. You’ll eat breakfast, won’t you?’
Atsuko wiped her hands on her blue apron and tied up her hair as she said that.
From just their faces, it felt like Beauty and the Beast, but her brisk way of talking was very similar to Gotou’s.
They really are married – Haruka felt strangely touched by that.
’No, I’m sorry for staying so long. I should go soon...’ said Haruka quickly, getting up.
’That’s no good.’
’Eh?’
’I’ve already made it, so you have to take responsibility.’
If Atsuko said that much, Haruka couldn’t refuse.
’I really am sorry.’
Haruka bowed her head.
Atsuko put a hand on her waist and looked at Haruka like she thought her mysterious.
’What a strange girl. Why are you apologising?’
’Even if you ask me... why...’
She didn’t have a reason.
Apologising had always been her habit.
’Taking things on yourself, blaming yourself and apologising.’
– That’s tedious.
Atsuko’s words had that echo to them.
Haruka couldn’t deny it. She knew she took things on herself.
’That might be the case...’
’If you blame yourself for everything, you’ll end up like my husband,’ said Atsuko, sticking out her tongue.
When Haruka saw that, she couldn’t help but laugh.
’Is Gotou-san also like that?’
’He is. Even though I’m not concerned about it myself, he’ll say “Sorry” with a grumpy face.’
’Really?’
’Like an idiot, isn’t he?’
’That’s...’
’If he’s worried, he can just say it aloud. Little things like this don’t surprise me anymore,’ said Atsuko.
It was true that Gotou did tend to take things on by himself. Now that Haruka thought about it, Isshin was the same too. The worst of them was Yakumo.
Without saying anything to anyone, he took everything on. Even if he suffered, he wouldn’t talk to anybody.
They might have all gathered because of their similarities.
’Honestly. What’s so fun about taking everything on yourself?’
Haruka felt like there was a bit of a shadow on Atsuko’s face as she said that.
– She wants them to understand each other.
Haruka felt that when she looked at Atsuko’s profile.
Happy things, sad things and painful things – she wanted to share them with the person she loved, but he wouldn’t say anything, taking everything on by himself.
He might not have wanted to trouble her, but that wasn’t what she wanted.
’I’m sorry.’
’See, you’re apologising again.’
Atsuko made an angry face.
’I am.’
Haruka smiled wryly.
’Women have to be reliable, especially during troubling times. Men just complain and don’t do anything at all.’
Atsuko snorted.
Even though so many things were happening, Atsuko wasn’t bothered at all.
Perhaps she had always been a strong woman, or maybe she had become stronger from living with Gotou, but it appeared that she wasn’t too concerned about the matter this time either.
’That’s right.’
Haruka nodded.
’Anyway, at times like this, let’s work together and do our best,’ said Atsuko, gripping Haruka’s hand. Atsuko’s hand was a bit cold.
’Yes.’
Haruka felt a bit better after talking to Atsuko.
-
8
-
’T-that’s ridiculous!’ yelled Gotou, unable to understand the reality in front of him.
Ishii leapt up in surprise from his seat across from Gotou.
Miyagawa, who had spoken up first, just glared at Gotou with his arms crossed.
Gotou could tell Miyagawa wasn’t joking from seeing his eyes, but he just couldn’t accept what Miyagawa said.
In the report that Miyagawa brought in this morning, there was something Gotou had to be surprised by.
– The fingerprints on the knife Isshin was stabbed with were a perfect match with Nanase Miyuki’s.
’Are they really Miyuki’s fingerprints? There must have been a mistake,’ said Gotou again, unable to accept it.
’They’re the fingerprints we got when she was arrested. No doubt about it,’ said Miyagawa flatly.
– What the hell is going on?
Though he was surprised, if the fingerprints matched, there was no doubt about it.
’Let’s arrest Nanase Miyuki right now.’
Gotou stood up forcefully.
’Can’t do that,’ said Miyagawa, shaking his eye.
’Why not? It’s simple!’
Gotou slammed his fist into the desk as he said that.
He didn’t understand why they were hesitating.
’Did you forget? Miyuki has a cast-iron alibi.’
’A crime from within the detention centre is impossible... is what you mean then,’ added Ishii.
– I forgot the most crucial point.
Miyuki was being held in the detention house. It’d be understandable if Miyuki had escaped the detention house and gone to stab Isshin.
However, that wasn’t the case. Miyuki was still in the detention house now.
’Er... Would it be possible for her to have left once and returned?’
’How?’
’By walking through walls, she...’
Before Ishii could finish speaking, Gotou dropped his fist on Ishii’s head.
’It’s not as simple as heading home.’
By saying it aloud, Gotou accepted the fact and felt horror.
How the hell did Miyuki stab Isshin from the detention house – as long as that puzzle remained unsolved, they couldn’t arrest her.
– Damn it.
Gotou clicked his tongue.
’Haven’t we got anything?’
Gotou gritted his teeth.
’If Yakumo-shi were here...’ said Ishii while scratching his head.
– That’s right. Yakumo might be able to solve this puzzle.
Gotou recalled how Yakumo had looked last night.
Yakumo had been like an empty shell then. There was no life in his face, and his eyes had been hollow – it was like he hadn’t been there.
Gotou had found some time to call him, but Yakumo hadn’t answered.
’He’d be no help right now,’ said Gotou, disappointed.
’I don’t know if this’ll help, but...’
Miyagawa spoke up, brushing away the stagnant mood.
’What is it?’
’Looks like there was a bit of a fuss at the detention house yesterday.’
’Fuss?’
’Yeah. Nanase Miyuki was coughing up blood in her room and then told a guard that she’d just killed somebody.’
’Killed somebody...’
Gotou had thought it might be a breakthrough, but he felt even more confused.
What Miyuki said to the guard last night had to be affirming that she’d killed Isshin at a distance.
’Ah! I see! So that’s how it is! Detective Gotou!’ yelled Ishii, suddenly standing up.
’What? You’re so noisy.’
Gotou was immediately suspicious, what with Ishii’s wrong guess earlier.
Ishii’s reasoning was always off. Gotou would regret it if he took Ishii too seriously – he always talked about things that made no sense like magic.
’Chief Miyagawa. How was Miyuki after she coughed up blood?’ asked Ishii agitatedly, fixing the position of his glasses even though they weren’t off.
’She was taken to the infirmary.’
’I see. I see. So that really is the case. Do you know when she was taken to the infirmary?’
Ishii wriggled as he continued asking questions.
’Past six in the evening. She rested in the infirmary for a night and was brought back to her room in the morning.’
’Just as I thought!’
Ishii clapped his hands together and smiled triumphantly.
’What’s just as you thought?’ asked Gotou while glaring at Ishii.
Having only one person understand made Gotou strangely irritated.
’At the time of the crime, Nanase Miyuki was not in her room.’
’What about it?’
Gotou was becoming even more confused about why Ishii was so agitated.
’Nanase Miyuki was taken to the infirmary past six in the evening. Saitou Isshin-san was stabbed at nine in at night. That’s a three-hour delay.’
’I see. That’s a good point.’
It seemed like Miyagawa also understood what Ishii was trying to say – he was smirking.
However, Gotou still didn’t understand.
’What are you talking about?’
’After she was taken to the infirmary, she escaped the detention room, stabbed Saitou Isshin-san and returned.’
Ishii was shaking in excitement.
’She couldn’t get out so easily.’
’It would be possible if she had an accomplice.’
’Accomplice?’
’Yes. The man named Yamamura we discussed last night.’
Gotou finally understood when he heard the name.
Yamamura was the guard who had been silently watching as Miyuki gave her advance notice of murder.
’I see.’
Gotou clapped his hands together in understanding.
It’d be difficult to escape from her room, but it might have been possible from the infirmary.
That was well done for Ishii. This was possible.
’Miyagawa-san, I have a request.’
’I get it. Questioning at the detention house, right? I’ll get permission,’ responded Miyagawa, clapping Gotou on the shoulder.
– He’s reliable as usual.
’Ishii! We’re going!’
Gotou grabbed his jacket while he said that and ran out the room.
-
9
-
– I can’t breathe.
Ishii sat in the chair in the visiting room of the detention house as he wiped the sweat on his forehead with his sleeve.
He’d corner Miyuki and reveal her trick when he got out of the precinct – that was what he had thought, but now that the meeting with Miyuki was actually looming, that thought left his head, and he just had the impulse to run.
He had planned on cornering her, but he felt like they were the ones who had actually been cornered.
’How long do we have to wait?’
Sitting next to Ishii, Gotou was unable to hide his irritation – he had been bouncing his knee for a while now.
Ishii had never seen Gotou with a stiffer expression than the one he had now.
– Can we really win against her?
That question came up in Ishii’s head.
Finally, the door on the opposite side of the glass opened and Miyuki came in.
The man who brought her in was the same as last time – Yamamura.
Ishii and Gotou thought that he was an accomplice.
Miyuki sat down gracefully with the tips of her lips turned up into a smile.
When Ishii saw that, a jolt went down his spine.
Normally, a smile would comfort a person, but Miyuki’s didn’t.
It was cold, insidious and full of malice. It agitated the anxiety at the bottom of a person’s heart.
’What’s so funny?’ said Gotou, glaring at Miyuki.
Though Gotou didn’t yell, his voice shook the bottom of Ishii’s stomach. It oozed with irrepressible anger.
’You don’t know?’
Miyuki licked her lips.
’What?’
’Isn’t it obvious that I’m happy?’
’What did you say?’
’My plan succeeded.’
Miyuki crossed her legs and looked at them scornfully.
– She’s challenging us.
That was how Ishii felt.
’Too bad for you. Isshin’s still alive.’
Gotou leant forward, bringing his face close to the glass.
Gotou’s and Miyuki’s gazes met.
Ishii gulped as he watched them.
’Oh, is that so? I should’ve stabbed him deeper,’ said Miyuki with a dissatisfied pout.
’What did you say!?’
Gotou stood up, unable to control himself.
However, if he got riled up here, they would just be going along with Miyuki’s plan.
’Excuse me.’
Ishii repressed his fear and interrupted the conversation.
’From what you just said, we can determine that you admit your crime against Isshin-san.’
’Yup,’ agreed Miyuki readily.
’You admit it then.’
’Of course. I’m the one who stabbed Saitou Isshin. There were fingerprints, right?’
’Why do you know that?’ interrupted Gotou harshly.
Gotou’s question made sense. Information was limited in the detention house. There was no way for Miyuki to know that fingerprints were analysed from the weapon.
Furthermore, because of its importance, the information about the analysed fingerprints wasn’t even released to the press.
’I wonder?’
Miyuki’s gaze was close to a glare.
She was probably trying to provoke them.
’Perhaps you had an accomplice in the police?’
Ishii said the first thing that came to mind.
’Ishii-san, you really are interesting.’
Miyuki laughed with shaking shoulders.
’Of course not!’ said Gotou with a red face, before dropping his fist on Ishii’s head.
’Ack.’
Ishii bit down the urge to yell from the pain.
’Gotou-san, you’re not imaginative enough.’
Gotou’s eyes went wide at Miyuki’s words.
’What?’
’Just as Ishii-san said, I might have an accomplice in the police.’
’Don’t be ridiculous!’ yelled Gotou, slamming his hand against the protective glass.
Ishii half-stood up from surprise, but Miyuki just kept sitting with the same smile on her face.
’Why not check for yourself?’
Miyuki crossed her stretched out legs again as she said that.
’What the hell did you say!?’
Gotou yelled even louder as he hit the glass again and again.
– Oh no. We’re completely at her pace.
’D-Detective Gotou, please calm down.’
Ishii grabbed Gotou’s arm.
’Calm down? It’s your fault for saying something unnecessary!“
Gotou hit Ishii’s head.
’But I just...’
’Don’t talk back.’
Gotou hit Ishii once more.
’You really are an interesting combo.’
Miyuki covered her mouth with a hand and started laughing.
’What’s so funny?’ said Gotou threateningly, but Miyuki still didn’t stop laughing.
’Isn’t it funny? It’s like watching a comedy show.’
’Who’s a comedy show? I’ve always been a detective.’
Miyuki snorted at Gotou’s claim.
’If you’re a detective, you should understand why I know about the prints on the knife.’
Ishii finally solved the puzzle when he heard Miyuki’s words.
’You left the fingerprints on the knife on purpose,’ said Ishii, looking straight at Miyuki’s eyes.
It seemed that Ishii had lost his reasoning ability after being played with by Miyuki.
’That’s right. I gripped the knife with my bare hand.’
Miyuki licked her full lips.
She had gripped the knife with her bare hand. It was natural that her fingerprints had been lifted.
But the question was –
’Why? Why did you leave your fingerprints on purpose?’
’Because you wouldn’t have acknowledged that I did it otherwise, right?’ said Miyuki jokingly.
’That’s true, but...’
’When magicians teleport coins, they sign it with the magic, yes? It’s the same thing.’
Miyuki said that with no hesitation.
’Fingerprints were found on the knife. You’ve confessed. You better be prepared, ’cause I’m getting an arrest warrant now,’ threated Gotou.
However, it appeared to have no effect on Miyuki. She had the same smile on her face as she had had before.
’I wonder if you’ll be able to do that?’
Miyuki narrowed her eyes and stuck out her chin.
’What do you mean?’
Gotou raised an eyebrow.
’Exactly what I said. There certainly were fingerprints on the weapon. I also confessed. But at the time of the crime, I was inside the detention house. I wonder what decision the police will come to then?’
Miyuki’s words were heavy on Ishii’s heart.
Miyuki had confessed that she stabbed Isshin, and her fingerprints had been found on the weapon.
However, she had an iron-clad alibi – she had been held in the detention house.
If they didn’t have decisive evidence that she had left the detention house at that time, she couldn’t be arrested for assault against Saitou Isshin.
At first glance, it seemed like a game they couldn’t win, but their chances of success weren’t zero.
– There’s an unaccounted time.
She had had a spasm and been taken to the infirmary at the time of the crime.
– What happened then?
If they could find out, they could break Miyuki’s iron-clad alibi.
’It’s time.’
The guard, Yamamura, suddenly announced the end of their interview.
Unfortunately, she was the accused, currently in detention. They could only meet her under the rules of the detention house.
’Please bring Yakumo-kun the next time you come,’ said Miyuki as she stood up.
’What did you say?’
’I want to see Yakumo-kun suffering.’
’Don’t tell me you stabbed Isshin to make Yakumo suffer?’ said Gotou, sounding almost hesitant.
’That’s right.’
As Miyuki replied, she spread her two hands why.
’Then why didn’t you attack Yakumo directly?’
’There’s no point to that, right? It’s not like I want to kill Yakumo-kun.’
’You don’t want to kill him?’
Gotou’s brow furrowed. He didn’t understand. That was how he looked.
However, Ishii understood what Miyuki was thinking.
Her goal wasn’t to take Yakumo’s life. She wanted to smile scornfully as she made him suffer – to watch as he submitted to her.
Miyuki had said this when she announced that she would kill Saitou Isshin.
– I can’t kill Yakumo-kun.
I hadn’t understood then, but is this what she meant –
– What an unbelievable sadist.
Ishii felt afraid of Miyuki all over again.
’That’s why you should bring Yakumo-kun next time.’
’What’s your purpose in making Yakumo suffer?’ asked Gotou, stuck to the glass.
’I just want that person to understand that I’m better than he is.’
When Miyuki said ’that person’, she probably meant Yakumo’s father, the man with two red eyes.
Fifteen years ago – Miyuki, who had brutally murdered her own family, went to live with the man with two eyes.
She had come to love and respect him as a father, or perhaps as a man. However, no matter how Miyuki tried, she just couldn’t win against Yakumo.
The emotion eddying within Miyuki was probably a dark flame of jealousy.
’Just for that...’ said Gotou, almost in a gasp.
Miyuki had been about to leave the room, but when she heard those words, her complexion completely changed and she whirled around.
’Just for that, you say? That’s everything to me!’
’What...’
’No matter how much I love him, whenever that person opens his mouth, it’s Yakumo, Yakumo, Yakumo! I’m sick of it! Is being related by blood so great? Is having a red eye that important?’
Miyuki stuck to the glass like a spider as she screamed.
Even Yamamura the guard must have been panicked as he pinned Miyuki’s arms behind her back and pulled her away from the glass.
While Yamamura pulled her away, Miyuki started laughing aloud, as if she found something funny.
Her laughs were maniacal.
Even after Miyuki disappeared through the door, her laughter wouldn’t leave Ishii’s ears.
To show off her existence.
She had stabbed Isshin for that sole reason.
– Terrifying. Truly, she’s terrifying.
-
10
-
Haruka sat next to Nao on the bench in the hospital waiting room.
Nao’s legs were shaking as she stared at the floor.
It was the first time Haruka had seen Nao so dispirited.
– I can’t do anything for her.
All Haruka could do was hold Nao’s hand silently.
’Sorry for the wait.’
Atsuko ran back to them.
She had gone to check at the reception whether Isshin was allowed visitors.
’How was it?’ asked Haruka as she stood up.
’They said that he’s still unconscious, but we can go into meet him.’
Nao looked up at Atsuko’s words.
Nao couldn’t hear. Instead, she excelled at reading the atmosphere.
’Ah!’
Nao raised her voice.
– I want to see him anyway.
To Haruka, that was what it sounded like Nao was saying.
’Then shall we go?’
Atsuko crouched in front of Nao with a wide smile on her face.
Nao was led into smiling back.
It was mysterious how they looked like a real mother and child this way.
Atsuko took Nao’s hand and started walking. Haruka followed after them.
’I’m really glad that you’re here, Atsuko-san,’ said Haruka honestly.
She had been saved by Atsuko’s brightness and energy since last night. If Haruka had been by herself, she probably would only have been able to hang her head next to Nao.
’Oh, you flatter me.’
’It isn’t flattery.’
’I’m glad that the two of you are here too.’
’Eh?’
Haruka was confused by the unexpected answer.
’Don’t worry about it,’ said Atsuko with a shrug.
Meanwhile, they arrived at the ICU.
Haruka recalled the scene from last night and was hesitant to step inside.
’Let’s go then.’
Atsuko led the way. After disinfecting her hands and putting on a mask, she stepped into the ICU.
– She really is strong.
Haruka followed after Atsuko.
Isshin was lying on the bed, like he had been yesterday.
There was an intravenous tube in his arm and an artificial respirator attached to him. Cords stretched over his body for various machines, such as the ECG and the EEG.
Though visits were allowed now, that didn’t mean Isshin was better. Haruka was forced to feel that anew.
Perhaps they shouldn’t have brought Nao.
Right as Haruka thought that, Nao let go of Atsuko’s hand and walked up to Isshin.
Then, she took Isshin’s hand.
As Nao held onto Isshin’s hand, she was – smiling.
’Ah, ah.’
Nao spoke in excited tones, as if urging Isshin to do something.
Haruka and Atsuko looked at each other. Then, they walked up to Isshin, brought in by the voice.
Nao gripped Haruka’s wrist and brought it to Isshin’s hand.
Haruka’s fingers brushed Isshin’s hand.
– He’s warm.
Haruka felt the words Nao was trying to say with her body.
He’s still warm. That meant Isshin was still alive. Nao must have been trying to say that.
’Isn’t that great?’
Atsuko hugged Nao’s shoulders from behind her. Nao nodded in response.
– That’s right. Isshin is still alive.
Since it was him, he would definitely wake up randomly and say ’I’m sorry for worrying you’ with a smile.
Having a hopeful perspective made her heart brighter.
Just as Haruka let out a sigh of relief, she was assaulted by the feeling of something sinking in her stomach.
– What?
She looked about and spotted a girl standing in the corridor through the window.
The girl wore a red dress and had long hair. Her face was dark, as if smeared in ink.
The same girl I saw in the corridor last night –
She was probably the ghost that was said to appear around the hospital.
– When... are you going to die...
Rather than in her eardrum, the voice went straight to her head.
It was probably the girl’s voice.
Haruka recalled the rumour that the hospital was in a fuss over. The people whom the girl asked this question all died.
Haruka looked at Isshin.
– I can’t accept that.
’Ah!’
Suddenly, Nao yelled loudly.
Her two hands were in fists. It looked like she was shaking in anger. Her eyes were on the ghost of the girl in the corridor.
– Can Nao see her?
As if answering Haruka’s question, Nao ran out into the corridor.
’What’s wrong?’ called out Atsuko in concern.
’Ah, that’s...’
Unable to explain well, Haruka also ran out into the corridor to follow Nao.
The ghost of the girl from earlier had already disappeared.
Nao was looking around frantically in the place where the girl had been standing.
Though I can’t explain it, something incredibly awful is going to happen – that premonition alone whirled about in Haruka’s head.
-
11
-
After Gotou left the visiting room, Ishii stood up as well and they walked to the infirmary.
A guard led them down the dreary corridor.
Every ten metres, there was a steel door. The guard unlocked each with a key and fingerprint, and they c
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