Return of the Runebound Professor

Noah slammed into the ground – and bounced. He flailed his hands as he was launched nearly a foot back into the air. Shifting his momentum, Noah managed to land in an awkward roll.

He rose to his feet, spinning to see if he’d mistakenly popped out on top of some unfortunate creature. Instead, he found himself looking at a large, blue petaled flower. It was, for lack of a better word, plump.

The flower had a stubby grey stem and its petals were dotted with bright orange, like someone had flicked a paintbrush on top of it. A pulse of blue energy ran along the ground and up its stem, bright enough to light the roots up even beneath the dirt.

Noah stared at it in wonder. One part of him wanted to take a giant bite out of the plant, but the other part screamed that it was almost certainly poisonous and having to waste twelve hours with a pounding headache was not worth the feeling of eating the tastiest looking flower he’d ever seen.

Probably not.

Noah shook his head and tore his gaze away from the plant. Unlike the Scorched Acres, he could see everything around him, and it was flat. More of the blue flowers were dotted across the landscape.

Towering cliffs rose up on two sides of his landing area. Noah could just barely see their tops, where several more of the blue flowers were growing. Aside from that, he couldn’t see much of anything else.

The nearest edge without a cliff was only a minute of walking away. Noah approached it, slowing as he reached the edge, and peered down. Far below him was another large, flat plateau. It was surrounded by several other plateaus of varying height. Some rose far above his current position, and some were so low that he couldn’t even make any details out of them.

Slow, shambling forms trudged between the flowers on one of the platforms beneath Noah. He couldn’t make out much of them from where they stood, but they walked on four legs and had long, spindly trunks. Their bodies were made of what looked to be thick, fluffy grey wool. The monsters would occasionally stop beside a flower and stick their trunk inside it.

No. Don’t even think about it. I’m not going to jump off a cliff and hope I bounce off a flower instead of splattering like an idiot.

He pulled the flying sword out and set it gently on the ground. The dirt was slightly wet and spongy to the touch, almost like what he would have thought a cloud felt like when he was still a kid.

Noah pressed on it again, smiling to himself, then stepped onto his sword. Once his business here was done, he’d come back and just bounce around a little. The sword hummed to life beneath him and Noah shot away, making a sharp arc through the air before shooting down for the populated plateau.

Wind whipped past his face and stung his eyes. Noah leaned back, keeping himself from driving the sword point first into the ground, and made a wide circle around the monsters, keeping a healthy distance from them.

Not one of them even glanced in his direction. At least, Noah didn’t think they did. It was difficult to tell at the speed he was going at. He aimed at a flower and pulled the energy from his sword, launching himself straight into it and grabbing the hilt of the blade as he fell.

The flower absorbed the shock of his landing, folding in around him like a cocoon before launching him back out. Noah couldn’t restrain his laughter as he flew through the air and landed on his feet, taking several steps to keep from pitching over.

That has absolutely no right being that fun.

He glanced at the nearest of the monsters. It really did look like a shorter, fluffier elephant. Two puffy ears hung low on either side of its head, and it rooted around the stamen of one of the blue flowers. There was no sign of its eyes or mouth behind the thick layer of soft, gray fur.

It also didn’t seem to care in the slightest about Noah’s springy arrival. He glanced over his shoulder to see if any of the other monsters had taken interest, but they were all busy either lounging around or otherwise ignoring him.

“Are these the right things?” Noah asked with a frown. He pulled Moxie’s map out and glanced over it, trying to place himself. It wasn’t particularly useful. He’d never been all that great at geography, and if he actually wanted to place himself, the best way to do it would have probably been to fly up until he had a bird’s eye view of the entire area.

Noah folded the paper back up and slowly approached one of the fluffy elephants.

Fluffants? That’s a good name.

It’s a really good thing I wasn’t a biologist in my past life. I would have gotten fired so fast.

The Fluffant’s trunk undulated as it drank from the flower. Glowing energy ran down the monster’s fluffy trunk and into its body, dispersing throughout it like little bolts of lightning in a cloud.

“This is the thing I’ve got to kill? That doesn’t feel right at all,” Noah said, chewing his lower lip. “It’s so… fluffy. There’s got to be some sort of intergalactic committee that’ll hunt me down if I kick this, much less kill it.”

The Fluffant didn’t pay Noah’s internal dilemma any mind. It simply continued to drink from its flower. Noah watched it for several minutes, walking in a circle around the monster. He found no trace of literally anything on its body except for fur.

Finally, the Fluffant pulled its trunk free of the flower with a pop. It slowly turned its head – at least, Noah suspected it was its head. He couldn’t see a mouth – toward him. Noah tilted his head to the side.

“Hello. You don’t understand me, do you?”

The Fluffant lumbered toward Noah. He stepped to the side and it went right past him, heading for a flower. Noah watched it leave, then walked over to the flower that it had been drinking from.

It looked considerably less plump than the others he’d seen. The luster had left the plush petals and the dots had faded in color, shriveling slightly. Noah scratched his cheek and looked back over his shoulder at the Fluffant.

“Whelp. This is a cruel joke. I almost would have preferred if you were a scary bastard,” Noah said. “You know, maybe there are other monsters here. You don’t even look like you’ve got much wind in you, friend. A wind monster would probably be flying around in the sky above us.”

Noah set his flying sword on the ground and sent a strand of Wind energy into it. A tremor ran down the Fluffant’s back.

Instinct was the only thing that saved Noah. He threw himself backward, abandoning his sword on the ground. A shrill whistle cut the air as the Fluffant’s trunk screamed past where Noah’s body had been.

He hit the ground in a roll and shot to his feet. Staring at him, two tiny red eyes open and full of molten hatred, was the Fluffant – though it took Noah a moment to realize that it was the same creature, and not some demon that had suddenly appeared in place of it.

A long, pointed tip had emerged from the tip of the Fluffant’s trunk. It dripped with blue liquid that gave Noah the strong impression that it wouldn’t be good for his health. The Fluffant raised its trunk into the air and trumpeted, revealing a large, circular mouth full of long, needlelike teeth.

The Fluffant’s trunk whipped at Noah again. He rolled to the side, boosting himself with a burst of Wind magic, and the blade tip punched into the ground with a thud. Noah leapt to his feet and grabbed at his magic, sending a blade of wind at the monster.

Ignoring his attack completely, the Fluffant stormed toward Noah. He darted to the side, sending another wind blade into it. Both spells sank into its soft, fluffy fur and vanished. Noah had absolutely no idea if they’d actually damaged the monster or if it had somehow absorbed them.

Shit. There’s no Ash anywhere. Why didn’t I bring anything with Ash?

Noah scrambled back, trying to run for his flying sword. The Fluffant stormed forward, moving at a disturbing speed and quickly gaining on him. Noah was forced to abandon his attempt and threw himself to the side once more, narrowly avoiding getting crushed beneath the monster as it stormed past him.

It carried on for several more feet before skidding to a stop and spinning to face him again. Whipping its trunk in fury, the Fluffant trumpeted once more. It charged him again. Noah faced the monster, then launched himself into the air a moment before it reached him.

He flew over the monster’s head and shot back down with another burst of Wind magic, hitting the ground with a grunt and sprinting for his sword. Behind him, he heard the Fluffant roar in anger and skid to a stop, spinning toward him.

They charge fast, but it takes them a second or so to stop and turn around.

Noah lunged for his sword, jumping onto it with both feet and sending a pulse of Wind into it. The blade shot forward, yanking him away from the path of the Fluffant’s charge just in time.

He shot into the air and flew in a tight circle above the Fluffant. It thrashed its trunk around in fury, but it didn’t seem to have any way to get Noah when he was in the air. His heart pounded violently in his chest.

Holy shit. I don’t feel bad about killing you in the slightest anymore. Once I figure out how to kill you, that is.

Noah studied the monster as best as he could at the speed he was going at. It was tracking his motion, turning in circles and roaring at him every few seconds.

Did it detect my usage of magic? It takes more energy to activate the sword than it does to keep it going, and I had it basically deactivated by the time I landed. It doesn’t look like my Wind magic did much to hurt it either. With no Ash… that leaves just Vibration – which isn’t going to do anything against something that fluffy unless I can actually get close to it.

Noah pressed his lips together. The monster continued to rotate in circles, following his motion. It started to slow slightly, its steps becoming more unsteady. The monster stumbled over its own leg before catching itself.

Wait. Is it getting itself dizzy?

Noah flew in another two circles around the monster. Sure enough, it was steadily getting queasy. He resisted the urge to laugh. At this rate, it would knock itself out for him. Noah adjusted his angle, lengthening the circle.

Even if it's dizzy, I need a way to kill it. And, unfortunately, I think I’ve got an idea.

Noah finished the loop and accelerated toward the Fluffant. The monster’s eyes locked onto him as he approached, and it pointed its trunk toward him, staggering drunkenly. Noah didn’t slow. He didn’t even veer.

He leapt off the flying sword, tucking himself into a roll as he hit the ground. The blade continued onward, driving itself straight into the Fluffant’s forehead. The monster’s trumpeting call was silenced instantly by a wet thunk.

It staggered, then crashed to the ground. Noah staggered upright, slightly bruised but unhurt. He was more than a little dizzy himself from the constant loops in the air. He staggered over to the dead Fluffant and pulled his sword out of its head with a squelch.

He stared at the bloody blade, then shook his head. “You’ve ruined my perception of cute things forever.”

Even though the monster had fallen, Noah didn’t feel any energy enter him. Moxie had warned him about it, but he’d gotten so used to the sensation that it felt odd. He reached into his pockets to check on the Catchpaper and see if the Fluffant had been carrying the Greater Rune he was seeking.

Then he froze.

Every single Fluffant on the plateau was staring in his direction, beady read eyes locked onto him and needle teeth bared in ghastly scowls. Noah swallowed.

“Oh, shit.”

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