Return of the Runebound Professor

Noah found himself lying on wooden floor. He rolled over and shot to his feet, his heart slamming in his chest as he went to draw on Natural Disaster and prepare for a fight – only to find Jalen standing on the other side of a desk stacked high with paper, his hands crossed behind his back and eyes transfixed on Noah.

“What did you do?” Noah asked, stumbling over his words. The world felt off, as if he was in a spot where he shouldn’t have been.

“I took us back to the Linwick Estate,” Jalen replied. “Not on neutral ground anymore, are we? I believe that means I can do what I want.”

“I’m pretty sure kidnapping someone is against the spirit of neutral ground,” Noah said. He kept his tone even, although it was definitely shakier than it had been a moment ago.

Brayden had talked about how difficult it was to do long range teleportations. Jalen had done one so fast that he’d barely even blinked, and he didn’t even look slightly winded.

“You steal from the Linwick family. You make light of my threats, then flaunt your neutral ground in my face as you send a letter to a man who has the power to snuff your life out like a worthless candle. And when given a chance to explain your actions – you mock me?”

Noah’s hand brushed across his side. His gourd wasn’t there. If he died, he’d return to Arbitage.

That might be for the best, because the only idea I’ve still got left is to actually make an impression on Jalen. He already knows I robbed the Linwicks blind, but he doesn’t actually seem like he wants to kill me or he’d have already done it.

“I wouldn’t say I’m mocking you,” Noah said, choosing his words carefully. “You’re the one that’s been coming after me. All I’ve done is try to avoid trouble and happen to be in possession of a cat that has a general distaste for authority figures.”

“Yeah, well if you didn’t want someone to steal your shit, you should have guarded it better,” Noah snapped. “What the hell is the point of having a catacombs that is so easily accessible with borderline no real defenses on anything? And good god – why would you collapse the damn thing? You’ve just gone and destroyed all your other shit. If there’s anyone to be pissed at, it should be whoever built that shitty thing. You’re blaming the mouse for eating a piece of cheese that the chef left out overnight.”

As soon as Noah closed his mouth, he realized that he might have said just a little too much. Jalen’s face had gone completely flat, his back stiff. Noah matched Jalen’s gaze, baring his teeth in clear challenge.

When he kills me, I’ll claim I used some form of magic to duplicate my body and am actually far stronger than I appear. If it worked on Father, it should work on Jalen as well. This guy won’t take no for an answer, so I’ll have to play things differently. Hopefully this keeps this guy distracted for long enough for me to get strong enough to find a new way to deal with him.

Jalen shifted, and Noah prepared to get blasted to bits. He wasn’t unused to dying by any stretch of the imagination, but it still wasn’t a particularly pleasant experience.

What he wasn’t prepared for was a small huff to slip from Jalen’s nose. He blinked in surprise as Jalen’s stern expression twitched, then cracked. The head of the Linwick family doubled over, roaring with laughter to the point where he was wheezing for air.

“Unbelievable,” Jalen said through his laughter. “Absolutely phenomenal. What a performance. Like a cornered gerbil.”

Noah stared in disbelief as Jalen fell back into crazed laughter, tears of mirth streaming down his face.

He’s completely insane.

It was nearly a minute before Jalen managed to gather himself. Still chuckling, he wiped the tears from his face and shook his head before striding across the room. Noah tensed as Jalen reached him, but all the man did was slap a hand on his shoulder. “The sheer audacity you have. This is what the family lacks.”

“I – what?”

Jalen snorted, clearly just a tiny push away from doubling over in another fit of laughter. He managed to contain himself and turned back to the table, flicking his hand. A wave of purple energy rolled out, tearing through the papers and making them fold in on themselves before ripping them apart so thoroughly that nothing remained.

“Sit,” Jalen said, dropping into his chair and kicking his legs back onto the now-clean desk.

Completely baffled, Noah walked over to the desk and pulled the chair out, sitting across from Jalen.

“What, did you think I’d kill you? Why would I do that?” Jalen chortled as a purple portal wound open before one of his hands and he reached inside, pulling out a sealed bottle and put it on the table. He procured two glasses, then set them down beside the bottle. “You were right, after all.”

“I… was?”

“The catacombs aren’t defended at all. They’re a game, and one that you played and won,” Jalen said, cracking the seal off the bottle and pouring an orange liquid into the glasses. “I still want to know how you got the damn Records out, though.”

Noah watched Jalen warily. The man’s personality had changed so suddenly that he wasn’t sure which one was real. Jalen pushed one of the glasses over to Noah, then took a sip from his own.

“Go on. It won’t kill you,” Jalen said.

Even if it did, Noah wouldn’t have been all that bothered. He took the glass and raised it to his lips, taking a small sip. Noah nearly spit the liquid out. He’d been expecting some form of alcohol or fancy drink, but it was neither.

“It’s orange juice. Good for your health,” Jalen said, taking another sip from his glass. “I don’t enjoy the taste of alcohol much. Got boring after a few hundred years. Just like everything else. I’m on a bit of a citrus binge at the moment, though. And – let me tell you – my skin has never looked better.”

Yeah. He’s insane.

The orange juice did taste pretty good, though. Noah took another sip. At this point, he had absolutely no idea what Jalen wanted. It was possible the whole thing was just meant to trick him into revealing what he’d done with the Records of the Deceased, but that wasn’t happening. He couldn’t have given it back if he’d wanted to.

“Are you really a member of the Linwick family?” Jalen asked.

Noah’s back stiffened and he fought to keep his expression neutral. “Of course I am. I’m part of Father’s–”

“Bah.” Jalen scrunched his nose in distaste and drained the rest of his glass before pouring himself more. “I don’t give a shit about that. All the inter-family politics are the biggest pain in the ass that I’ve ever gotten dragged into. Everyone trying to get more resources. All the little games. Worthless. You just don’t seem like any of the other bumbling fools I’ve met in recent years.”

Is that a compliment? I think it is, but it’s kind of hard to tell. What the hell is going on?

“I’m not sure I follow,” Noah said.

Jalen rubbed the bridge of his nose. “That’s what I’m talking about. You don’t even understand the problem. Watch this.”

He reached under his desk and pressed something. No more than a few seconds later, the door slammed open and an elderly man hustled into the room.

“How can I serve you, Magus Jalen?”

“I’m bored,” Jalen said. “Can you go find some travelers near the Linwick Estate and arrest them so I can have someone to interrogate?”

“Of course, Magus. I will–”

“Stop,” Jalen said irritably as the man turned for the door. “You annoyed me. I changed my mind. Go… I don’t know. Donate your life savings to the orphanage.”

The man’s face paled. He opened his mouth, but before he could speak, a ripple of purple energy rolled of Jalen’s body. Pressure washed past Noah, somehow missing him entirely, but the man in the doorway stumbled.

“I will do as you ask, Magus,” the man dropped to the ground, pressing his forehead against it. “Thank you for sparing my life.”

He scrambled to his feet and closed the door. Noah could hear the patter of his feet on the floor as he sprinted away, and Jalen sent Noah an exasperated look.

“Do you see? No backbone. Nothing. Just an empty shell, desperate to live with no desires beyond that. Isn’t it pathetic?”

“Yeah,” Noah admitted. “It is.”

“That’s what I deal with,” Jalen said, polishing off his second glass of orange juice. He glanced at Noah’s glass, which Noah was surprised to find that he’d actually finished. “More?”

“Hm. I’m actually good, but if you’re willing to give me some of that to go, I’ve got a friend that would love it.”

Jalen held his hands out to his sides. “And this is exactly what I mean.”

Noah blinked. “What is?”

“You didn’t do what I said,” Jalen said. “If I’d asked that coward in the doorway if he wanted anything, he would have said yes even if a single sip would have made him burst. But not only did you refuse, you actually asked me for something else. It isn’t just you, either. The people in your room had just as much resilience, if not quite as much lip.”

He reached into the air as he spoke, pulling out an identical bottle to the one sitting on the table, and set it down in front of Noah. That was definitely a good sign. People didn’t give gifts to people that they were about to kill.

At least they generally don’t. Father might be an exception.

“I want to know why,” Jalen said. “Were you dropped on your head as a child? Do you lack fear?”

“I think I’m just too tired to give a shit,” Noah said honestly.

Jalen roared with laughter, rocking back and nearly falling off his chair. “Too tired to – you can’t be older than… what, a hundred?”

“I’m twenty-six,” Noah said, guesstimating Vermil’s age.

“Same thing.” Jalen waved dismissively. He lowered himself safely and leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. “It’s been so long since I’ve had a chance to speak with someone this plainly. Not even the other family heads will do it. They’re all so caught up in their worthless machinations that they forgot the reason for living is to have fun.”

“You’re welcome, I guess?”

Jalen cackled. He rose to his feet, shaking his head in mirth. “This is too much. Perhaps you have a death wish. Either way, I don’t care. I wouldn’t waste a source of entertainment as good as this.”

Noah craned his neck to follow Jalen as he walked across the room and grabbed a beautiful tapestry hanging on the wall, throwing it to the ground as if it were a used tissue paper to reveal a large, circular board colorful patterns on it.

Jalen grabbed a small box that hung beneath it, then walked over to Noah and set it down on the table. It was full of metal darts. Noah slowly looked back to Jalen.

“What’s this?”

“Darts,” Jalen replied. “Want to play?”

Oh, what the hell. Might as well.

Noah picked up one of the darts and reared back, flinging it at the circle. It hurtled through the air – missing the board completely and slamming into the very expensive looking wall beside it.

“You’re terrible,” Jalen informed Noah, grabbing a dart for himself. “Let me show you how a master does it.”

He flung the dart, and it hit the wall beside where Noah’s dart had landed, missing just as badly as Noah had.

“You don’t seem to be much better.”

“Do you know how long it’s been since I last had a chance to play?” Jalen asked, glaring at Noah as he grabbed another dart. “I’ve forgotten more about darts than you’ve ever known.”

“First person to land ten anywhere on the board wins?” Noah suggested.

“You are going to suffer a humiliating defeat, Vermil. Prepare to suffer.” Jalen threw the dart and it hit the rim of the board with a clang, clattering to the ground without sticking.

“Damn it,” Jalen said. “That one didn’t count. It was a warm-up throw.”

Noah couldn’t keep himself from laughing. “Fine. Let’s play.”

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