Return of the Runebound Professor

“You sure know how to bore a girl,” Garina said, covering a yawn with the back of her hand. She leaned against a large tree, taking solace from the scorching sun in its shade.

Across from her, Ferdinand sat on a blanket he’d laid out, a large basket laid out before him. Ferdinand pointedly ignored the pale woman as he pulled a flask of water out from the basket and took a long swig from it.

“Seriously,” Garina continued. “It’s been weeks, and all you’ve done is walk around in the forest. The only time you’ve gone into civilization is to buy ingredients, but you won’t even spend money on anything that actually tastes good. What’s wrong with you?”

“I’m afraid I don’t see the problem,” Ferdinand said evenly, lowering the waterskin and capping it once more. He set it by his side and took out one of the sandwiches he’d made that morning, starting to unwrap it. “I have done nothing wrong. I am following the rules perfectly.”

Garina threw her hands up and let out an exasperated huff. “I heard what you were asking the baby Rank 6, you bald little brat. I know you’re looking for someone. You can’t possibly expect to find him in the middle of nowhere, though.”

“Great things are often found in the least likely places. I have no way to know for sure where I will find the one I seek.”

Garina’s eye twitched. “Come on. You’re not going to find him in the middle of nowhere. What’s your angle? You’re wasting both of our time, you little shit.”

Ferdinand took a bite out of his sandwich and chewed slowly. It didn’t matter what Garina said to goad him into admitting anything – his lips were sealed. If anyone from the Church of Repose asked, then he was undergoing great suffering and restraining himself from giving away the Holy Mission.

But, in the sanctum of his own mind, Ferdinand was surprised to find that he was having fun. It had been so long since he’d left the Church to do anything other than work. Traveling through the forests was actually quite nice, and he was in absolutely no rush to do anything else.

Whoever the person that the Goddess sought would have to wait. There was no way for him to safely complete his mission as long as Garina was stalking him, so the only option available was to enjoy the moment.

Truly a tragedy. Alas, if only I could return to my task, but I cannot. I will be forced to enjoy this wonderful day and avoid giving away my true purposes.

“Get that smug look off your face!” Garina flopped down on the blanket across from Ferdinand and crossed her arms. “You do realize I could rip you limb from limb in the span of a second, right? Your church probably wouldn’t even notice that you went missing.”

“Probably,” Ferdinand agreed, taking another bite from his sandwich. “That’s the same threat you’ve given me every day we’ve traveled together. You could just leave, you know. I’ve broken no rules. There’s no reason to follow me around.”

“Aside from the fact that you plan to break them.”

“It’s rather unfair to put words into my mouth.”

“Oh, shut up.” Garina rubbed the bridge of her nose. “You’re insufferable. I’ve never been disrespected this much by a pathetic Rank 6.”

“Forgive me. I mean absolutely no disrespect.” Ferdinand genuinely meant his words. A large part of him was surprised that Garina had actually refrained from killing him. He’d fully expected to be dead by this point, but the rumors about her almost seemed wrong.

The woman was irritable and brash, but she’d yet to actually lay a hand on him. She just followed Ferdinand around complaining and threatening him. There was no doubt in his mind that Garina would kill him in a split second the moment he broke any of the rules, but he’d yet to do that – and, so long as she stuck around, his vacation remained in place.

I may have lost my mind, using one of the deadliest mages I’ve ever heard of to waste time picnicking in the forests, but great sacrifices must be made in the line of duty.

“Sandwich?” Ferdinand offered, taking out another paper-wrapped package from his basket. “Made it myself.”

“I know you did. I watched you. If you aren’t going to go do what your damn Church sent you here to do, why don’t you just go back?”

“I would never return with my purposes unfulfilled. It is against my nature. I will see things through, even if they come at the cost of incredible suffering.”

“Is that what you call picnics in the forest?”

Ferdinand just held the sandwich out. He’d long since stopped caring if Garina killed him – the day she decided that she was done toying around with him was the end. There was nothing he could do about it, so there was simply no reason to be concerned.

Glaring, Garina grabbed the sandwich from Ferdinand’s hands. She opened it and took an angry bite out of it, swallowing without even bothering to chew.

All things considered, it wasn’t the worst picnic that Ferdinand had been on.

***

Moxie and Lee had already returned by the time Noah got back to the room. Lee was standing about a foot from the door when he opened it, and only months of Lee-proximity allowed him to twist to the side and avoid tripping over her.

“I smelled you coming,” Lee proclaimed, not even slightly bothered by the fact that Noah had nearly sent both of them tumbling to the ground.

“She’s not lying. Shot up nearly a minute ago and ran to stand at the door,” Moxie said, struggling to hide a laugh.

“Can’t imagine why,” Noah said, setting the two packages he’d brought down by his side. Lee’s eyes tracked his movement and her nose twitched.

“What do you have over there?” Moxie asked, sniffing the air. “It smells good.”

“What, did you take sniffing lessons from Lee or something?” Noah asked, equal parts exasperated and amused. He pulled two meat pies out of the bag and distributed them to Moxie and Lee.

“Thanks!” Lee said, shoving the whole thing into her mouth. She said a few more muffled phrases through the food, but even all the time they’d spent together wasn’t enough for Noah to decipher what she was saying.

“You’re a godsend,” Moxie said with a grin. “I was starving. We earned another six hundred gold today. Took things easier. It was pretty nice, actually. Did you accomplish whatever it was you wanted to do?”

“I told you I was just walking around the city.” Noah tried not to look at the velvet bag he’d set down beside the pies.

Gifts have to have proper timing or something, right? I can’t just hand it to her now.

Moxie raised an eyebrow. “Right. I totally believed that. Well, was your walk enjoyable?”

Ah, screw it. I’m too impatient to wait for that.

“Okay, fine. You got me,” Noah admitted. He held out the velvet-wrapped package. “Here.”

“What’s this?” Moxie walked over and took it from him.

“Not food,” Lee said, still focused on the bag of pies. “Did you get me anything, Noah?”

Noah grabbed a pie from the bag, then nodded to it. “The rest of the food here.”

“You can read minds! This is exactly what I wanted.”

Lee snagged the bag and dragged it over to her bed, sitting cross-legged on top of it and dumping all the pies out onto her lap. Noah tried not to think about all the crumbs that Lee was spilling everywhere – chances where, she’d somehow eat those too.

Well, at least she’s easy to please. It’s hard to believe that she and Azel share literally any traits. Hm. I wonder if the emotion she feeds on is gluttony or something? That doesn’t really fit with her personality, though. She just likes eating.

Eh. You know what? I don’t care. She’s happy and she isn’t hurting anyone. Nothing else really matters.

Moxie unwrapped the cloth, a puzzled expression on her face. It quickly changed to shock as she pulled the wrapping back, nearly dropping the stuffed cat monster as she got her first glimpse of it.

Noah watched her expression carefully, his stomach tight.

Maybe a stuffed animal was too childish. I should have gotten her a weapon or –

“Is this for me?” Moxie asked, looking up to Noah.

“Ah, yeah. It was supposed to be a stuffed bear, but apparently the cat started screwing with Olive while he started making it. Is it–”

“It’s surprisingly cute,” Moxie said, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I guess we’ve decided the cat is on our side?”

“I don’t know what I’ve decided, but I think that’s the conclusion the cat has come to.”

Moxie laughed and squished the stuffed animal. “This is great. I’ve never had anything like this.”

“That’s not it,” Noah said, clearing his throat. “There’s something else in there.”

Blinking in surprise, Moxie looked back down at the package. She pushed some of the cloth out of the way and pulled the cloak out, her eyes going wide. She tossed the wrapping to the side, still holding onto the stuffed cat with one hand, and held the cloak out before her.

“This is for me? Why?”

“Well, you got me the violin,” Noah said, clearing his throat. “I wanted to get you something too. Olive did all the hard work, I just gave him a few suggestions.”

“You just… got it for me?” Moxie pulled her gaze away from the cloak and looked at Noah. “No reason?”

“Did I need one?”

Moxie pulled the cloak over her shoulders and examined her reflection in the mirror. “This is beautiful. How’d you know it would fit me?”

“I imagine we’ll have to thank Olive for that. It’s got some imbuements as well to keep it in good shape. It’ll draw some energy from the monsters you kill to keep itself powered, but not much. There’s also apparently some of the darn cat’s fur in there. I don’t know the full extent of what those Imbuements will do, but Olive seemed to be think they’re good.”

“So we’re matching, then? You don’t know what all the violin’s Imbuements are, and the same goes for my cloak?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I guess we can thank the cat for helping out there.”

Moxie ran her hands along the cloak again. “Is it really okay for me to have this? It feels so nice.”

“Are you kidding me? You got me a violin! I feel like I definitely got the better end of this exchange. Honestly, I wish I could have gotten you something nicer, but I wasn’t sure–”

The rest of Noah’s sentence vanished in a surprised grunt as Moxie hugged him tightly, practically squeezing the air out of his lungs. The stuffed cat’s eyes bulged slightly as she squished it between them.

“This is perfect. I’ve never really worn anything other than the clothes that the Torrin family gave me. I just didn’t see a reason to spend money on something like that, but this is one of the best gifts anyone has ever gotten for me. The stuffed cat too. It’s very– well, you.”

Noah let out a relieved sigh that he didn’t know he’d been holding. “I’m glad you like it.”

“It looks good,” Lee confirmed through a mouthful of pie. “I like my gift more, though. Nice and edible.”

They all burst into laughter. Moxie released Noah, then put a hand on his shoulder and pulled lightly. Noah lowered, confused, and Moxie pressed her lips against his cheek.

“Thank you, Noah.”

Lee polished off another pie, then stretched her arms over her head in a yawn. “What are we going to do tomorrow? I want a more interesting fight. The monsters we fought today sucked. Can we get more pies?”

Noah wasn’t sure if he welcomed the change of topic or not, but he took it regardless.

“Actually, I had some thoughts about that as well,” Noah said, trying not to look too flustered. Judging by Moxie’s smug expression, it wasn’t working.

“What are they?” Lee asked eagerly.

“I was thinking we might hunt a Great Monster.”

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