Dai Zhiqiang still felt that way even though days, weeks, and months passed. Thankfully, it took little to no effort to see her again.
They were studying in the same school, so he was bound to see her eventually. He would occasionally see her in the hallway, in shoe lockers on the first floor, in the library, or in the teacher's office.
Every time he glimpsed that girl's figure, his eyes would unconsciously follow her until she disappeared from his sight. He wanted to walk over and say something to her, but that girl was rarely alone.
If she wasn't with Li Chunhua, she would always be around that popular senior who everyone admired and one of the most influential students in the school. From what he heard, it seemed they were childhood friends.
However, aside from her family member and her childhood friend, he never saw her with anyone else.
It made him even more hesitant to talk to her first because it reminded her of Li Chunhua's warning. He didn't want to scare her or make her uncomfortable.
Another reason was that he couldn't help but feel an invisible wall whenever he saw her with her group.
A wall created by the difference in their family background. The distance between them made him feel inferior.
Dai Zhiqiang wasn't confident if he could act unbothered if that girl looked at him with the same condescending gaze. No, he probably couldn't live with it.
He didn't care about the others, but he probably would feel devastated if it came from her.
So Dai Zhiqiang restrained himself and felt content only looking at her from afar.
The habit of finding her among the crowds was ingrained deeply in him. If he didn't see her for a day, he would look around for her while worrying whether she was sick and couldn't come to school.
Even Dai Zhiqiang thought his action was incredibly creepy because it felt like he was stalking her. As long as he knew she was okay, that was enough for him.
He owed her, so he wanted to make sure she was alright all the time.
Because Dai Zhiqiang was always watching her, he slowly knew things about her. Like her name or how she was very diligent and quiet compared to her sister. She rarely smiled, but her smile seemed to illuminate the room once she did.
Another thing he noticed was that her brightest smile was directed only at one person.
Dai Zhiqiang didn't understand at first what was the uncomfortable and stuffy feeling he had in his chest whenever he saw her smiling at Meng Renshu. Nevertheless, he kept his distance and only watched her from afar.
***
Dai Zhiqiang covered his face with his hand, feeling that everything crumbled beneath his feet. How could he be so careless?
He blamed himself for creating this mess. He blamed his weakness for failing to protect his brother.
An uncontrollable amount of bitterness engulfed him, rendering him deaf to any sound around him. As if there were some water blocking his ears.
"Excuse me, student?"
Dai Zhiqiang jolted when a middle-aged doctor tapped him on the shoulder. He raised his head, and the doctor smiled sympathetically at this boy.
"I'm sorry for startling you, but you didn't react when I called you."
"Yes, I'm sorry. How is my brother's condition?" Dai Zhiqiang asked in an urgent tone.
The downcast look on the doctor's face unsettled him. An awful premonition rose inside him.
"The surgery went well. Thankfully, the patient's life isn't in any danger now, but that one is a close call. The patient received too much damage to his body, causing several internal bleeding. We managed to stabilize his condition through surgery. There isn't much damage to the head, but…."
"But what?" Dai Zhiqiang almost threw up from the suspense. He wanted to hear it but also didn't want to listen to it at the same time.
"I'm afraid your brother will have difficulty using his hand in the future."
At that time, Dai Zhiqiang was confused about whether he should feel relieved or devastated.
As much as he was glad his brother made it through the surgery safely, he knew how much his brother loved to draw. Having a disabled hand was the same as cutting his life.
"W-which one?" Dai Zhiqiang asked in a shaky voice, silently preparing himself for the more bad news.
"Both hands." The doctor said regretfully.
"I don't understand, Doctor. My brother loves to draw; will it have any chance of recovery?"
The doctor sighed. "I felt the patient was an artist when I saw the calluses on his hand. I'm sorry to say this, but the chance that his hand can fully recover is small, let alone drawing like he used to."
Dai Zhiqiang's face turned pale. He dared not to imagine his brother's reaction if he knew this.
"Is there really… really no way out at all, doctor?"
Dai Zhiqiang didn't have to ask to know that was the doctor's roundabout way to tell him that Dai Shenqiang should have just given up on drawing.
There was nothing left to say, so the doctor bade him goodbye and gave Dai Zhiqiang time to let the news fully sink in.
"This is all my fault." Dai Zhiqiang grabbed a handful of his hair and tugged it harshly. He felt so frustrated inside he didn't know what to do. The guilt he felt inside was immense and crushing his soul.
"If only I wasn't tricked by that bastard, we wouldn't have to deal with those barbaric people. Now Shenqiang had to pay for my mistake. Just why? Why am I always late?"
Tears of regret welled up in the young man's eyes. He was pretty optimistic initially. If he worked hard, everything would return to how it was supposed to be.
[You are the decision-maker here.]
Dai Guang's words kept repeating in his head like a curse. The more he thought about it, the more bitter and exhausted he was.
His choice had cost his little brother the thing he loved the most in his life. No amount of money or regret could ever compensate for that.
Inside the busy and noisy hallway, the young man sat with his face buried in his hand.
He was alone, with no one to share his burden.
A face appeared in his mind when he was staring down at the abyss of his mind. It reminded him of the warmth he received from her that day.
How he hoped she would give the same warmth to him once again.
Dai Zhiqiang yearned to hear her gentle voice and see her smile. He wanted her to be with him so badly right now.
With that thought in his mind, Dai Zhiqiang closed his eyes and let a droplet of water fall from his eyes.
It was cold and lonely.
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