"Amano-San, may I ask you something?"
…
"Do I have a place in your heart?"
…
Bai Yunyu zipped his mouth. He didn't know whether he should say yes and give Sakuma hope or say no and break his heart, but hopefully, he would give Sakuma relief and move on.
Sensing Bai Yunyu's hesitation, Sakuma sat closer towards Yunyu and gently held his hand. Sakuma put Yunyu's palm on his heart, so Yunyu could feel the heartbeat, and Sakuma also put his palm on Yunyu's heart, making sure that he could also feel the heartbeat of his beloved.
Sakuma smiled full of joy as he could feel the heartbeat, "Amano-San, I'm so happy that you have a beating heart. A real heart, not machine one that I created for you."
"I am a monster who ruined your life and changed your body into an android, so I can have full control over you," Sakuma's palm on Yunyu's chest started trembling. "Up to this day, I still can't forgive myself for my egoistic behaviour. I ruined your life, dragged you down to my dirty shell that I called home."
"Amano-San, do you know… after your death, I never find anyone else. I only have you in my life. I revived Mamoru Ito as an android, becoming an immortal chief for Neo Yokto. I also revived your body with my backup memory, but… no matter how much I tried to make you as original as you could be, your android version is just different."
"It doesn't have your soul, and I cannot feel your warmth at all," Sakuma said. His shoulder slowly drooped down, and he buried his face on Yunyu's chest. "With this, I can feel your warmth again, your real heartbeat, and your soul."
"Amano-San, I'm sorry…."
Bai Yunyu stared at Sakuma, who buried his head on Yunyu's chest. He gently patted Sakuma's head, "I never hold a grudge against you, not in that world, and not here as well."
"It's easy for you to say that, Amano-San. But this guilt in my heart will be a permanent shadow in my heart. I live my life trying to perfect you as an android, so I can get my Amano-San back to no avail. I've been thinking about ending my life so many times because I can't bear with the loneliness."
"But I don't want to waste the life that you've given me. I became the immortal justice of Neo Yokto, but at what cost?"
"I'd rather live as a shut-in in my lab with you. I'll discard my dream as long as I can be with you once more."
Honestly, Yunyu didn't really understand what Sakuma really wanted right now. Yunyu already apologized, and there were no hard feelings between them. But he seemed to be wanting more...
Sakuma took his time burying his face on Yunyu's chest. He really craved for this heartbeat that he couldn't replicate, no matter how advanced his technology was.
The heartbeat of his beloved, Amano-San.
"Amano-San, do I have a place in your heart?" Sakuma repeated his previous question.
"… You do," Yunyu replied. "You have a place in my heart, always. But you have to share it with many other men. You should've known that your world isn't the only place where I stay and have a full life."
"I understand, and I don't plan to have you all by myself, Amano-San. Because I know my sin, and I don't deserve to have you…." Sakuma said. "I just want to be a part of your life, occupying a small space in your heart so I can be assured…."
"Then you don't need to ask because there is always a spot for you, Sakuma," Yunyu said as he continued to caress Sakuma's hair.
"Amano-San, do you love any of those five men?"
"I love them all, just like how I love you."
"No, Amano-San, I'm talking about your true love, the one you truly want to spend your time alone."
…
"There is someone, but he is not part of those five men," Yunyu replied. "And he doesn't love me at all. He hurts me terribly to the point that he gave me a panic attack. This… is his doing."
Yunyu didn't want to act all sweet about Han Ye Gege like what he did with Lee Taewoo, not anymore.
Because the pain would be less excruciating when Sakuma had zero expectation to Han Ye Gege.
"He is a coldhearted monster, but I love that monster nonetheless," Yunyu said. "And you don't need to worry, I have no plan on ever dating him. He doesn't treat me like a human, let alone dating me."
"Amano-San… what terrible fate has fallen upon you… upon us…" Sakuma lamented. "I am madly in love with you, and I will never date anyone other than you in my life. But you're in love with someone else who doesn't even treat you like a human. I feel like God is playing tricks on us."
[You're right, I feel like God Han Ye is playing tricks on us…]
[But what can we do?]
"Because we're a slave to our own heart. We cannot determine which person we would be in love with because true love buds at the strangest scenario," Yunyu said.
"And you will continue loving him despite not having any chance? You will die alone, Amano-San…"
"I am a slave to my own heart, Sakuma. No matter how many times everyone tells me to stop loving that cold monster, I just cannot do that," Yunyu smiled bitterly. "It's better to just let me love stupidly rather than forcing the impossible on me."
…
Sakuma felt a pain in his heart as if his heart had been shattered from inside. But he didn't want to be a burden to Amano-San. The fact that his Amano-San accepted him back despite all the horrible treatment Sakuma gave him in that world was already a blessing.
"Amano-San, may I request something else?"
"What is it?"
"Can I spend the night listening to your heartbeat? I just want to have a good rest on your chest, without guilt in my heart."
Bai Yunyu chuckled lightly.. He patted Sakuma's head and whispered, "Rest now my little genius."
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