"You know that we still have things to do, right? You're still my Director in this world. Besides…" Yunyu gulped as he knew that Long Shen wouldn't like hearing this. "I… I can't be with you in this world."
…
…
Bai Yunyu closed his eyes out of fear of wrath. He was afraid that Long Shen would be violent when he dropped the bomb since he knew how violent Long Shen was when his mind was unstable.
One minute… two minutes… three minutes…
There was no answer from Long Shen. Yunyu really thought that Long Shen would beat the hell out of him.
But when he opened his eyes slowly, Long Shen was still nestling in his stomach, burying his face and unresponsive still.
"Long Shen?" Yunyu called him.
"Is it because of what I did in the past, Yunyu?" Long Shen asked. "Your heart… is it completely shut for me because of what I did back then?"
"N—No, not at all!" Yunyu denied. Honestly, he didn't know what made Long Shen believe that Yunyu hadn't forgiven him. No matter how many times Yunyu told him that all was forgiven, Long Shen didn't seem to believe it.
Long Shen's body trembled again, but he didn't have any violent streak. He just tightened his embrace and continued nestling, "Yunyu, if you don't like me anymore… then what's the point of this reunion?"
"What's the point of giving me hope? You're the moonlight in my dream, and I've been longing for you since the moment I have consciousness in this world."
"… do you want me to leave?" Yunyu asked. His heart felt tight as he imagined leaving Long Shen, one of his favourite male leads. He wanted to spend more time with him, sharing the warmth that he owed for Long Shen.
But… if it would only hurt him even more…
Long Shen was thinking for a minute, and his decision was quite fast as he shook his head, "I don't want to get separated with you, Yunyu. Not having your heart is painful to me, but not having you at all, without your presence… that's torture for me."
Long Shen slowly raised his head with his clear eyes. He looked up to Yunyu and begged, "Even if I am not the man of your choice in this world, may I embrace you close like this? I… I will not do anything more if you don't want it. I just want to feel you, Yunyu."
Yunyu understood that Long Shen had been deeply traumatized by the sight of Yunyu disappearing, turning into white butterflies and flying to the sky.
[I mean, my heart is for Han Ye Gege and would forever be his. But if Long Shen wants to be embraced like this, then why not?]
[I mean, I'm basically trash compared to Han Ye Gege, I might as well find another person to share my warmth…]
[Still…]
"I will allow you to embrace me like this, Long Shen. But I cannot give my body or heart to you, not in this world. Because this—" Yunyu pointed at his heart. "—Is already owned by someone else."
"Who is that man?" Long Shen asked.
…
"Han Ye."
Long Shen's eyes widened as he sat straight and looked at Yunyu in disbelief, "The Movie Emperor, Han Ye?"
"Y—Yeah…"
"Yunyu, I—I might not be the man of your choice. But… why Han Ye?"
"Huh? What's wrong with him?"
"Yunyu, I've been in this industry for years. I have known him since the very first he rose to fame, so I know his true nature. He is a coldhearted, vile monster. He doesn't care about anyone as long as he gets what he wants. He has no remorse, let alone to be in love with someone else!" Long Shen raised his voice, and he grabbed Yunyu's arm, clenching it tightly, "Yunyu, please don't hurt yourself like this. That man will give you nothing but pain!"
Yunyu sighed because he had already expected that answer from Long Shen.
Han Ye might be a perfect public figure. He was handsome, extremely wealthy, talented, and charming. He had millions of fans that basically worshipped him like a god. But only a select few, usually the higher-ups or fellow popular actors/actresses, knew that Han Ye was a coldhearted, merciless man.
Yet, Yunyu tried to ignore those bad traits and continued his subservience to Han Ye.
"Long Shen, I don't have any wish to be with him. I know it's simply unobtainable. There is no love between Han Ye and me," Yunyu replied.
[Just like what Han Ye Gege said, I am a total failure of a human being. I deserve nothing, let alone to be looked at him.]
"So… you will love him, but not going out with him?"
"I will never go out with Han Ye. He is far too big for me."
"But you will still give your heart to him?"
…
Yunyu smiled bitterly and shrugged it out. He didn't know how to answer that without sounding like an idiot anyway.
Long Shen was speechless. He thought, if Yunyu had his heart to someone else that loved him back, Long Shen might be able to let go… though it might take his entire lifetime to finally move on to Yunyu.
But when Yunyu said that he'd give his heart to someone like Han Ye, who was obviously a heartless bastard who wouldn't even look at Yunyu, then he had a grievance.
He didn't want to let Yunyu suffer, so he didn't want to let go.
"Yunyu… I don't want you to suffer. Not in the hands of someone coldhearted like that man," Long Shen said. "But if that's your choice, then I… I will try to respect it. But please, keep me close in your heart. Even if I cannot enter your heart, let me stand at the door."
Long Shen slowly leaned and kissed Yunyu's lips gently, "My moonlight, I cannot quench this overflowing feeling in my heart.. Let me love you even if you cannot be mine."
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