Chapter 93
While Jinseok focused his mind on being possessed, director Yeo Jaeyoon waited for Jinseok with his fingers crossed.
"You must have been very nervous." You didn't look good when you first came in.'
No matter how great a career you are, you are a rookie after all. In a way, it's natural to be nervous before an audition.
"Even so…. Isn't it taking too long
Jinseok had his eyes closed for more than 30 minutes already.
If he wasn't the actor he was looking forward to the most, he would have eliminated it earlier.
“…Let's get started."
It was then. Jinseok said in a subdued voice. Then he immediately looked directly at himself and recited the lines.
"Isn't it uncomfortable that you can't talk?" Well, that's a strange question."
It's quite a bright voice, contrary to the dark voice a while ago. Even in the expression, the tension from before disappears, and it seems to show something that was prepared.
Yeo Jaeyoon analyzed Jinseok's acting with his eyes shining.
‘I was nervous, but I don't have any skills.' But… It's a little awkward looking at it closely. It's not that it's awkward… You don't look confident.'
A slight tremor of gaze, and a voice that cannot extend to the end.
Even a smile that seemed to hesitate a little.
Yeo Jaeyoon was able to recognize at a glance the minor mistake that most directors would not notice.
‘But I didn't feel nervous because I didn't practice enough. You didn't look well, did you not feel well
Yeo Jaeyoon focused on Jinseok's acting by rubbing his lower lip well.
"Whether you can't speak or you can't see. And even if you don't hear my voice, it doesn't matter if my heart is conveyed."
"You can talk, you can see, you can hear your voice. It's a world where there are more people who don't get along with each other."
Jinseok acts with a charming smile from start to finish.
It hasn't been long since I distributed the audition script, but I wanted to applaud him for showing this much interpretation and acting.
‘This is not the ‘Kang Jinseok' I expected.'
However, the acting so far was so great that Yeo Jaeyoon had no choice but to give a poor evaluation of Jinseok.
"Right now, there may be effort in this acting, but there is no power to move a person's mind."
It was not an acting skill that could overwhelm other actors. That it's not the ‘Kang Jinseok' that he thought he would show in other dramas.
"Now you know it. That I'm a ‘fraud'."
"Yes, I've been lying all my life. However, I mean it this time."
"I like you….”
“…All right."
Jinseok didn't finish his last line properly in the end.
***
As soon as I finished acting, I felt like I was back to ‘then'.
Even though I tried like crazy, I was eliminated from numerous auditions because I didn't have the talent.
Oh, my God….’
I was helpless. The audition judge's eyes, which he had forgotten in his memory, saying "It's too bad," "It's too bad," and "It's not as good as I thought," became a dagger and stuck in his heart.
"If you don't have a will… "Am I just an actor like this?"
I can't help but clench my fist. Maybe because I squeezed it too hard, my fingernails went through my palms.
"Well….”
Director Yeo Jaeyoon, who had been thinking about something for a while, opened his mouth.
"Thank you for your hard work. Before I give you my evaluation, let me ask you a question first."
“…Yes."
"What do you think of your current acting?"
It was an unexpected question. But it wasn't difficult to answer.
"It was not enough. I felt seriously what it was that I couldn't achieve with my efforts alone."
“….”
"I'm so sorry that I think you took your time with poor acting."
It wasn't unfair. If I don't get help from ghosts, this is my ‘real' skill.
Instead, it was pathetic. If I don't have an ulterior motive, this is all I can do no matter how hard I try.
Director Yeo Jaeyoon said in a serious voice.
"It's not that much of an act to blame yourself. Actor Kang Jinseok's performance just now was definitely commendable."
“….”
"But it wasn't Kang Jinseok's ‘overwhelming' performance until now. The acting you showed today was not the ‘Kang Jinseok' I've seen and expected."
He gave his head a little bit of pressure. Director Yeo Jaeyoon's real skills didn't seem to be as bad as I thought.
But I didn't live like this to act ‘not bad'.
"Good words… Thank you."
I bowed my thanks. When I bowed down, I felt like the tears I had been holding back would fall, but I managed to hold it back.
"You can go out now."
“…Yes."
Leaving my frustrated heart behind, I left the audition room.
***
The audition room where Jinseok went out.
Heavy air was still spread through the audition room. It was because of the feeling of "anger" that Jinseok left at the audition.
Yeo Jaeyoon tapped his finger on the desk and thought.
"Have you been able to show that kind of acting since you're pursuing perfection that much?"
As I told Jinseok, director Yeo Jaeyoon's performance was definitely great.
Jinseok, who flogged himself despite such acting, felt sorry for him and was proud of him.
I felt that grit, which is hard to see in other young actors these days.
Yeo Jaeyoon asked his daughter after much thought.
"Hyemin, how was it?"
Yeo Hyemin wrote something on a piece of paper and showed it to Yeo Jaeyoon.
"He looked under a lot of pressure from acting. He was smiling, but his eyes were stiff."
"Well, he did."
"But I was a little sad because I think he thinks his skills are very pathetic."
Yeo Jaeyoon nodded. The reason why he is worried is that he reflects on his past self in Jinseok's appearance.
"Hmm….”
When I first became a director. It's frustrating that I can't capture the work I imagined on camera and the feeling of helplessness when the work is evaluated hard.
And the sense of self-destruction when it was more beautiful to see with your eyes than with the camera.
Perhaps Jinseok will experience "failure" like he did in the past in this audition.
"Should I give him another chance?"
Yeo Jaeyoon thought about it for a while and then drew "triple" on Jinseok's profile.
Then, I immediately texted Jinseok's manager, Jang Sunho.
——
When Kang Jinseok returns to his condition, he will audition again.
It's a waste for him.
——
***
After the audition, the atmosphere in the car was solid all the way home.
I didn't want to make Jang Sunho uncomfortable because of my mood, but I couldn't help it this time.
Jang Sunho didn't ask anything until we got home.
You must have noticed how the audition went when you saw my expression.
"I'll go in. Manager, thank you for your hard work this morning."
"Yes, do not be so heartbroken. I don't think the result would have been as bad as the actor thought."
“…Yes."
I got into the elevator with a deep sigh. I can see myself in the elevator mirror.
It's the face of the loser. A very familiar, such face welcomes me.
-It's on the 54th floor.
The elevator door opened and went into the house. He threw his clothes on the floor and fell on the bed.
When I feel the familiar body odor in the pillow and blanket, I calm down.
‘…Let's get some sleep.'
I didn't want to do anything now.
I fell asleep quickly, maybe because I worked so hard preparing for the audition, or maybe because I barely slept recently.
***
When I came to my senses, I was already in a white space.
I looked around with my fist broken. The fact that I came here means that Kim Faith called me.
"Wow, that was quite a big deal. Auditions that you didn't use the power you believed in and didn't show what you prepared for."
And as I expected, there was Kim Faith in the distance.
"Are you okay? Are you surprised?"
He said as if nothing had happened. With that ‘smile' that I wanted to imitate so much.
I'm telling you, I've never seen someone so ugly. I clenched my fist.
No, it's not. It might just be a grunt that I'm angry about.'
The reason why I didn't act properly today is not because Kim Faith didn't help.
The reason why I didn't act properly today is because of my lack of skills.
However, being angry because you were not possessed is proof that you are relying too much on the possessed when acting.
It's not that I'm possessed, but I didn't want to rely on it.
"Why did you do that to me?"
But maybe because I'm an ordinary person, this situation is so frustrating and angry.
I looked straight into Kim's eyes, controlling his resentment as much as I could.
"Because you want to cheat even when you die?" Or because you want to see me shudder at the audition? Do you want me to make you realize that there are things that you can't do with your efforts?"
Maybe it's because it's easier to blame someone else than to admit your shortcomings, so I can't suppress my feelings that burst once again.
"Before I tell you why I did this, let me tell you this first."
However, Kim Faith did not change his expression and continued his words in a calm voice.
"I'm a con artist. I have a lot of doubts because it's my job to deceive others. And if I have any doubts, I don't help others first. That's how you don't fall for others."
“….”
"I know you're a good person, but I don't know when and how you'll change. Just like I did. Just like the actor is mad at me right now."
Kim Faith, who spoke calmly for a long time, opened his eyes.
As the eyes, which had been closed like a crescent moon, open, the sharp eyes hidden in them can be seen.
"So if you want my help."
Faith Kim, who erased a smile, stared at me with a perfect expression and said coldly.
"Please do me a favor first."
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