Path of the Berserker

I spent the next day in the infirmary, handcuffed to a dirty hospital bed.

It was a small space, fit for only three beds, but as I was the only person within it, it didn’t feel too confining. A single guard was posted on duty outside the closed door, but it seemed his purpose was to mostly keep nosy people out rather than me in. That job instead fell on Doctor Winters, or the woman I had come to know as Susan.

After a pain-ridden and mostly sleepless night, I was awoken by her to tell me that it was now morning. Of course, there was no way for me to actually tell what time of day it was, given that we were underground. She came with her daughter, Kelsey, who brought me some food in a small bowl. I couldn’t identify what it was. It looked like brown slop and tasted as good as it looked.

But I was so ravenous it didn’t matter.

After forcing it down, they left me alone for a few hours and I used the opportunity to try and cultivate. Unfortunately, as I meditated, I found that looking into my soul was like looking into the ashes of a long-dead kiln.

My Flame, or at least, where my Flame used to be, was a solid lump of black tar.

What little resentment and angst I could summon from my memories was barely enough to warm it, much less cook it off. But it told me something. My Flame was still there. Technically speaking, anyway. I just had to cleanse it.

And for that, I needed to find the source of that Frenzy.

But no, that wouldn’t make sense.

I should have sensed something if that were the case.

Giving up on cultivating, I then decided to get some mental exercise by digging up the long-dormant rules of language when it came to English. If I wanted to get these people to trust me, I had to start speaking like I was one of them again. I made a mental game of it through my mind’s eye, opening up the Basic Cultivation manual on one hand and a blank sheet of paper on the other.

I then began translating, shoving in the extra words and rearranging the sentences for the concepts to make sense in English. I got about a third of the way though when my brain finally fizzled out. By that time however, I had practiced most of the grammar rules enough that it came to me naturally again.

I then thought about what else still lay ahead of me.

I still had to face Hein in only two days now. Two days left to somehow fix myself and get back to Jurin. Although I had no idea how far away that even was. That nightmare episode out in the wild was still just a hazy fog. I had literally no idea how far I had travelled while in that state or how long I had been under it.

The only thing I knew for sure was that I’d come inches away from losing my soul and sanity in the process. The other thing I knew, was that true demons hated the living shit out of me—or whatever the hell I truly was, I supposed.

Maybe I was some sort of mockery to them or a turn coat of some kind.

Whatever the case, the feeling was mutual.

I could still see them in my mind’s eye. Red-skinned humanoids that resembled humans but not quite. Tall, pointed ears, horns, claws, wings. I realized I was perhaps one of the few living people to ever see the terrors of the wild at night and live to tell about it.

It made me wonder if Threja had truly ascended or not, or if she too had transformed into some kind of monster, losing herself to the night. I prayed that wasn’t the case. If I had transformed into a wild demon beast at my cultivation level, I could only imagine what she would have become.

I hoped her struggles were strong enough to keep her grounded as mine did.

That truly made me appreciate the fine balance of my Dao.

The Demon was easily fed, but the depth of my pain and struggle was the true limit of my power. To go beyond it was to lose myself to madness indeed.

* * *

By late afternoon, Kelsey and Susan returned, bringing me something more to eat.

It was the same foul-tasting gruel, but this time it came with a small piece of meat.

“What is this?” I asked, picking it up.

“You probably don’t want to know,” Kelsey said. “But it’s all we got.”

“You should feel grateful too,” Susan said as she fussed about me, checking my vitals with her stethoscope. “Protein is hard to come by. I had to go toe-to-toe with Richards to allow you even that much.”

I nodded and bit into whatever it was. It was gamey and half rotten, but for the sake of what Susan had just told me I kept it down.

“Still can’t believe this,” Susan said, eyes distant as she pressed the stethoscope to my chest. “Never heard anything like this before.”

“My heart you mean?”

She looked down at me with a furrow on her brow. “Has anyone ever performed surgery on you?”

“Only myself,” I said with a grin. “A couple times.”

“What?”

“Never mind.” I didn’t need to be elaborating about that kind of crap. But there were tons of other things I wanted to know. “I have a question for you, though. If you don’t mind.”

She inadvertently glanced towards the open door where the guard was posted, but the man didn’t seem to be paying attention. “Go on…”

“Richards said your leader guy wouldn’t be returning for weeks. How is that possible? Is he able to survive out in the wild somehow?”

“He’s not out in the wild,” Susan said. “You’re the only person who’s ever done that.”

“So where is he then? Where’s he gone for weeks?”

“He’s trying to get back to the other base,” Kelsey answered for her. “Cause food’s running out.”

“Other base? You mean there are more?”

My hopes for a revived Earth suddenly increased, but the enthusiasm on my face must have spooked Susan, because her countenance changed, becoming guarded. “I don’t think we should discuss this anymore. This place is still run by the military and I’m just a civilian. Jim will have these conversations with you. My job is to just make you healthy again.”

“I understand,” I said.

I needed some way to break through to her though. To win her trust.

But how?

Focusing on the problem brought a passage from the orb back to the front of my mind.

On Empathy…

Think not, dear kindled, that your strength lies only in your fury. While fury is what is beheld by others, your true strength lies in your empathy. Your ability to sense the pain, fear, and anger of others can be your greatest asset.

If I still had my Flame, perhaps I could try evoking her [Sorrow and Pain]. But there were other more mundane ways to apply empathy. The first step was to make her realize that I wasn’t a monster. Despite what her damn stethoscope was telling her.

“I was only eight when the invasion happened,” I said. “I can still remember every second of that night clearly in my mind.” I then went on to describe what I had experienced to the both of them. Like magic, Susan’s guard dropped as the story no doubt stirred memories of her own. The initial uncertainty and confusion. The god-like figures on the TV screen wielding unfathomable power. But it was the last bit that got her eyes to shimmer on the brink of tears—seeing my family disappear into the darkness for the very last time.

“I was lucky in the end,” I said once I had finished. “I was taken just old enough to remember who I was. Most of my peers were around Kelsey’s age. They barely remember a thing from the old world.”

A pause lingered and then Kelsey said, “I guess that makes me lucky too then. They never took me. Mom had already brought us down here. I don’t really remember any of it though.”

I smiled at her. “I suppose you’re right.”

“What’s it like out there?” Kelsey asked. “On the surface world. You said there are still cities?”

“Kelsey, no,” Susan said, shaking her head. “We need to leave those kinds of questions for Jim and Richards.”

“But Sergeant Richards is a dumbass,” Kelsey said. “You said so yourself!”

“Shush!” Susan said in a hushed whisper, glancing back towards the door. “You’re not supposed to repeat things like that.”

“It’s ok,” I said. “I’d tell them the same thing I’d tell you. I have nothing to hide.”

“Please, Mom?” Kelsey said, looking up desperately at her mother. “I’m just curious. And don’t tell me you aren’t too.”

Susan sighed and then turning about, she went to the door.

“Need to perform an examination,” she said and promptly closed it before the guard could even respond.

“Alright,” she said, sitting in a chair opposite the hospital bed. “You can tell us.” She then turned to her daughter who was seated on the bed next to me. “But Kelsey, don’t go repeating any of this, you understand? I don’t want it to get around. No one is supposed to ask him questions until Jim comes back.”

“Okay,” Kelsey said. “But what if he doesn’t come back?”

“Don’t think like that. They always come back.”

“Come back from where?” I asked.

“The sister base to this one,” Kelsey answered. “We have—”

“Hey,” Susan said, cutting her off. “The deal was he tells us his story. Not the other way around. So go on then, Max. Tell us what the world is like out there.”

It made me smile to hear her say my name. Right pronunciation and everything. It was something I couldn’t appreciate until now. Even I had been calling myself something akin to Mak instead of Max, as the closest Yee equivalent.

I started telling them about the city and how we humans were now called Terrans. I explained how the Emperor and the Yee imperial family had basically ruled the entire galaxy for some 14000 years—or as much as I knew of what the galaxy was anyway. That led to the obvious question of lifespan which gave me the perfect segue into explaining cultivation.

Using the newly translated pages fresh in my head, I read to them the first few chapters of the fundamentals manual, which gave an overview of how the raw energy of the universe could be drawn into oneself and cultivated as Qi. I listed the benefits that went along with it, even at just the base Foundation level. Perfect health and virtually no disease. A body that could do the work of ten people. And at the higher ends, full-blown magic kung fu and immortality.

When Susan asked how all that was even possible, I explained the precepts of martial training and conditioning. I told them how we at first were all sent to Foundation school, force fed Yee and then taught the basics of cultivation. I actually couldn’t appreciate it at the time, but after my recent studies, I also explained that it wasn’t always this way, and that the empire provided this base level of cultivation to all its wards.

In ancient times, only the sects and royal families held the secrets to cultivation and most people remained mortals. But by granting the gift of cultivation, the Yee empire succeeded where many other dynasties had failed. The Yee empire survived through colonization. Dangling the carrot of citizenship and immortality to even the lowest of mortals.

Hell, even I had done it.

It made rebelling all that much harder.

The yoke was just tight enough to indenture you to service, but not choking enough to force the life-or-death decision to fight back against your oppressor. The bastards were smart that way, but they hadn’t counted on a bastard like me.

“It all sounds like make believe,” Susan said. “I mean, I saw some of those things during the attack. And we still have some recordings that we watch each year to remember. But even watching them, none of it seems real.”

“Oh, it’s real,” I said. “Very real.”

“Can you cultivate?” Kelsey asked, looking completely wide-eyed now. “Can you do that kind of magic?”

I chuckled. “I… used to be able to. Can’t right now.”

Susan let out a laugh and almost looked relieved. “Now that’s how you end a tall tale. Right to the punchline and then a complete cop-out when it comes to proof.”

I felt slightly insulted, but she said it with mirth and not malice. Plus, I couldn’t make a big thing of it anyway. I was still trying to win their trust.

Kelsey however looked disappointed. “I was hoping it was real.”

“It is,” I said. “I just used up all my power surviving in the forest.”

“Will it come back?” she asked. “Your power?”

I smiled at her. “I don’t know…I hope so. I have a lot of people back home who are depending on me and my power, or really bad things might happen to them.”

“Bad like what?” Kelsey asked.

“I won’t go into details,” I said. “But people’s lives are depending on me.”

“So will you get them back?” she said. “Your powers?”

Heavens bless you, Kelsey. She was asking just the right questions.

But I had to play it cool not to spook them off.

“I might,” I said. “But I’m going to need to find something first.”

“Find what?” Susan asked.

Here it was. My opening.

“Something that will give me back my powers,” I said. I read her expression, which was still somewhat confused. “The place where you found me in the forest. There’s something there that I need... something that I think can help me. Do you think you could take me back there again?”

I knew I had pushed too far when her eyes grew cold.

“This conversation is over,” Susan said and stood grabbing Kelsey’s hand. “I will treat you kindly, but I will not be manipulated. For all the stories you’ve told, I have no idea what’s truly going on inside that mind of yours—or that body.”

“Susan, I’ve been completely honest with you, I swear.”

But her expression remained unchanged as she shook her head at me. “There are things about you that just don’t make sense. Like how you were speaking broken English yesterday, but now you sound like a damn native.”

“I am a native,” I said. “Please don’t take anything I’ve said to mean I’m trying to—”

“Let’s go, Kelsey,” she said.

“But, Mom, he’s just trying to save—”

“I said let’s go!” she snapped, and Kelsey hopped off the adjacent hospital bed with a scowl. Susan made for the door, but Kelsey turned around to give me a sad little wave, as if to apologize.

I waved back at her and nodded, trying to communicate that I understood.

With that they left the room, Susan slamming the door behind her.

Shit… I thought.

I went and pushed it too far indeed.

I should have been more patient instead of just flat out asking for their help like that. But I was getting desperate. I had spent a whole day trying to fix my body and soul, with nothing worthwhile to show for it. I was stiff as a log and every move I made caused pain.

Oh well. I still had two days left, I thought. There was always tomorrow.

But then what happened after that?

A deep darkness crept up inside of me, as I faced what could very well be the reality of my situation. I was trapped deep underground as a wounded mortal with no means of escape. And in two days’ time, Hein would show up with Li Fet to exact his vengeance.

And when he didn’t find me, he would take it out on the whole square.

Anguish curdled my stomach with sickness. I could only imagine what he would do to Yu Li and even Gui Zu, who would no doubt rush to defend her. And then there was even Jian Yi and the rest of the neighborhood to consider. The girl had finally put all her faith in me, but if I didn’t show up to that match… I would validate every despicable thing she’d ever said about me.

“I’ve really gone and screwed things up,” I said, a tear running down the corner of my eye. If I had maybe played my cards a bit smarter. Not chosen to save Fia, which had inadvertently sacrificed poor Mu Lin. Those bastards Sumatra and Hong Feng even knew my secret now too. Even though they thought I was dead.

Still, I wanted to kill them both.

Make them pay for what they’d done.

But what could I do?

There was no hope.

There was no time.

Sadly, I looked to my new surrounds and envisioned that perhaps this was where my Flame was ultimately leading me. A last bastion of mankind. I could heal in time. Convince them of my loyalty. Hell, I could even make a new home here.

But all of it felt hollow now.

No matter what I did, unless I made it home in two days…everything I worked so hard for would simply die.

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