My Unconventional Lover: Seeing A Different World

218 You Don’t Have to Blame Yourself

(Jane’s PoV)

“Relax yourself.” I smiled at him. “I won’t do anything stupid to you, don’t worry. After all, you’re my mentor.” I laughed seeing him stiffened up, looking at me as if I was going insane and probably planning to devour him raw.

Siji probably got convinced by me, even though he was still a bit suspicious towards me. However, his stiffened body relaxed after some time.

“Close your eyes and listen to my words. Don’t interrupt me, okay? Just listen and think about it carefully.” I spoke slowly to him.

“Siji, there’s no such thing as bad luck star. People are born with their own destiny and their own path until the end. Sshh, let me finish it up.” I hushed him as soon as he tried to cut my sentence.

“People die every day, but whenever someone around you dies when you’re not the one who kills them, it’s not your fault. You don’t have to blame yourself when someone dies. That’s just the way their life ends. It’s not like you’re the one who stabs them with knife, aren’t you? Your presence alone is not the reason for someone to end up dying.”

“Let’s just say, a mother dies after giving birth to a baby. People blame the baby because she dies because of the baby. Do you know? When a mother is pregnant with a baby, she will know whether she can make it out alive or not. Or, the doctors will warn her about the risk. If she is afraid and doesn’t love the baby, she will give up the baby. But, if she dies, then it means she chooses her baby to stay alive. She wants it, she makes the choice. Therefore, if someone is saying the baby is a bad luck, I think it is an insult to the blood, sweat and soul the baby’s mother sacrificed for him or her.”

“In other words....” I took a deep breath as my eyes met his. At some time ago, he had opened up his eyes and stared at me. “Unless you are the one who caused the death, and you know what I mean by that, you’re not responsible for any of the deaths around you. You don’t have to blame yourself.” I smiled at him.

“The previous master of First Army died because of their incompetence. If one day I die because I am killed by someone, it is my inability to protect myself. Unless it’s you who drives the knife through my heart, then it has nothing to do with you. Don’t always blame yourself. You are a great mentor, the chosen one. You’ve tried your best to protect and teach those previous Masters. They died in a fight but it was written in their destiny. It’s their path. No one can protect ourselves from our destiny.”

.....

“God gives us choices. Each choice would lead us to different ending. It means God doesn’t only provide one ending for us. It’s our decision that decides our ending. That’s why people should choose carefully in any decision making and prays so that God would send us some clues to a beautiful ending.”

“If you want to complain about how you died, which I have no idea about it, then you should think again. Most of the poor humans die and become ghosts. Some even can’t find peace and turn into evil soul. But you, however, were destined to die in a hard way and live a new life as a soul. As The Advisor of First Army. God had planned for you to live this way, not to be successful as human, but revered to as a soul. It has nothing to do with your bad luck star. Trust me.”

I ended up my speech with a smile. My hands squished his hands softly, assuring him that it was all right. It might sound weird since I had lived not more than a fifth of his age, but here I was acting like an old woman with all advices about life.

If only I were not in a serious situation, I would have burst into a fit of laughter.

However, I noticed that there was something changed in his eyes. There was positive vibe emitting from his body.

“Also, you should remember. I’m not those weaklings who acted without knowing the consequence. After all, you have tried your best to teach me. It would take more than a devil to take me down. I’m not the same with how I was back then. He’s not going to throw me around like a rag doll, thanks to my mentor.” I smiled teasingly at him.

He chuckled and squished my hands softly in return. “Thank you.” He said. It was two simple words, but it could feel that it came from deep inside his heart. His smile looked different, with more warmth and sincerity in it. The glow around him also changed into something purer. He looked more like a holy person instead of my Advisor, though.

“Ehem, can anyone explain to me what is happening here that requires you two to hold hands so romantically like that? You even see each other eye to eye.” Sarcastic voice came from my back.

I didn’t need to turn around to see whose the voice belong to. I rolled my eyes as my hands were still holding Siji’s. After all, I’m calming the negativity inside him, which had taken a root inside him while I was talking to him. I wasn’t done yet, so there was no way I would release his hands right now just because of a jealous man.

“Tom, the messenger came by to deliver the place where we will have the meeting tomorrow.” I told him calmly, ignoring his sarcastic remarks.

“Oh.” He replied. “Can you let go of his hands right now? It’s uncomfortable for me to see you holding hands.” He was still sounding sour and I could picture the way he frowned in my head.

I chuckled. “If you see carefully you’ll see that there’s no romantic feeling from the way we are holding hands.”

I got no reply but after seconds later, I heard him approaching us. Siji had been staying calm this whole time, as if the one we were talking about was not related to him at all.

“Huh? Is it just me or Siji looks different today?” Tom squatted down and peered into Siji’s face with a frown on his face.

It was a good sign that meant Tom really took my words seriously and didn’t act like a boyfriend being blinded by jealousy. He really inspected the scene closely and found out something different from Siji.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Siji replied calmly while smiling warmly.

Tom squinted his eyes at Siji then turned his gaze towards me who only smiled at him. “Don’t ask me. I got no clue as well.” I shook my head. Seconds later, I pulled my hands. “Done. Try to think about what I said carefully.”

“Yes, Milady.” Siji bowed down with his hands clenched into fist on his laps. After saying that, he disappeared.

Tom took his place and stared right at me. “What happened?” He asked in hushed voice.

“Something came up. But, he’s okay now.” I replied. “How’s your sleep?”

“It should be me asking you that question. How’s your sleep? You forbade us to sleep with you, I thought you would have a hard time sleeping alone.” His gentle eyes had a tinge of mischievousness, but he looked even more charming like that in my eyes.

“Both you and Sanji have been working hard because of the incident where the Devil kidnaped me. How could I have the heart to disturb you guys? Just take a proper rest. We still have many things to do. I still have not heard anything about the South Sea. I need to have a really good look at the South Sea after the meeting. Hopefully everything will go well tomorrow.” My eyebrows frowned as the initial purpose came hit me again.

“Don’t worry. We’ll soon hear good news from South Sea.” Tom cupped my cheeks in his big hands and squeezed them lightly. His wide grin filled my vision, lifting my mood in a flash.

“I’m hungry.” I told him without telling him to let go of my poor cheeks.

“What do you want to eat?” He kissed me once.

“You’re going to cook?” It was a rare case for Tom to cook by himself. All the cooking was usually handled by Sanji.

“Do you doubt my skill?” His grin was full of confidence. It was hard for me not to trust in him. “Just say it. What do you want to eat?” He stood up, taking my hand in his, and led me to the kitchen.

We had just filled the refrigerator with some foods around three days ago, so it was still pretty full with all the vegetables, fruits, and everything. Any ingredients of my favorite food was stored in the house.

I sat behind the island as I watched Tom opening up the refrigerator’s door with a proud look on his face. “Come. Name it. I can make it for you.” He said smugly.

“Great. Then, try making your version of delicious porridge.” Sanji’s sleepy voice came behind me as he sat beside me after giving me a good morning kiss on my crown.

“I’m not making anything for you.” Tom arched his left eyebrow while crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Oh? Is that how you’re going to play? Then, if I cook later, don’t eat any of it.” Sanji threw him a dirty look, but there was no displeasure in his voice. It was as if they were just playing.

Tom smirked. “Fine. I’m just kidding. Just don’t complain if anything doesn’t suit your taste.”

Why did I smell any trickery behind his words?

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