My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

Growing up, Nan Xukun hadn't got the slightest idea what a 'father' was. He only had his mother to rely on. People often said many bad things about them; mistress, illegitimate child, bastard's son and he got used to listening to them.

It wasn't until one day when her mother hastily packed up and brought him into an unfamiliar place did he realize that he, too, had someone he could call 'father'. Nan Xukun could still remember when he first met Nan Cheng. At that time, the man stepped into the place they were in, wearing an expensive suit and polished shoes. He smiled as his sight landed upon them — or to be exact, him. 

"Nice to meet you. I'm your father." Nan Cheng said with a kind and gentle smile on his face.

Nan Xukun didn't know why he instinctively felt afraid of that man. He looked as dashing and handsome as the prince depicted in fairytales yet Nan Xukun didn't even dare to look into his eyes. Scared, he buried his head into his mother's shoulders.

Only then did Nan Cheng give Si Qingzhao a glance. The smile subsided in his eyes and he clicked his tongue in disappointment. "He's already eight?"

Si Qingzhao instantly flinched as if someone had burned her. Hugging Nan Xukun tightly, she stared up at Nan Cheng full of wariness. If she could, maybe she would have hid Nan Xukun inside her pocket so that Nan Cheng wouldn't be able to see him.

Nan Cheng didn't take offense toward her defensive reaction. He only waved and told his subordinates to escort them away.

"Wait!" Si Qingzhao exclaimed in panic. "W—Where's Ah Ning?"

Nan Cheng raised a brow and shrugged. "I don't understand what you're talking about!"

"Don't lie!" Si Qingzhao gnashed her teeth and snarled. That was the first time Nan Xukun had ever seen his mother getting so agitated. "Did you do something to him?!"

Nan Cheng smiled. "Whether I did or not, why don't you find it out yourself?"

In the end, Si Qingzhao had no choice but to comply for the time being. Nan Xukun didn't really understand but it seemed like Mother and Father's relationship wasn't very good. Mother didn't seem too happy to reunite with Father.

Subsequently, they were given a luxurious house, more spacious and beautiful than any other home Nan Xukun had ever seen. He looked around curiously and tugged on his mother's skirt. "Can I invite Xiao Nian here? Is this abroad?" 

"No. Sorry, Xiao Kun. You can't…" She crouched down and tried to pull off a smile. However, seeing Nan Xukun's oblivious face, she broke down in tears in an instant. Hugging him, she cried for a long, long time. 

Since that day, his mother often cried, way too often, especially after they had moved into the new house. Nan Xukun didn't understand why. They didn't have to move around anymore so why did his mother look unhappier than before?

That man whom he called Father seldom came home. Nan Xukun only saw him once or twice a month and every single time, he would be given a lot of homeworks to work on. As he did his assignments, Father would bring Mother into a room and lock themselves inside all day. Faintly, he could hear the muffled sound of her mother's miserable cries through the tiny gaps beneath the door.

After the man was gone, Mother would be paralyzed in bed for a few days straight, bruises covering her body and she would spend the nights crying herself to sleep. When she finally recovered, she would sit in front of him and watch him do the homework.

The same situation persisted for months. 

One day, she came out and watched over him as usual. Her face had become more haggard and downcast compared to the first time they came here. One couldn't even guess that she was barely in her late twenties, she looked way too old than her real age...and also tired.

Through the peek of her sleeves, Nan Xukun could take a glimpse of the usual bruises—black and purple—that ran along her arms. 

Suddenly, she brought his hands in front of her and blew on it. "Does it hurt…?" Tears brimmed in her eyes as she stroked his hands that were grazed with horrendous red marks. 

Father inflicted it on him everytime he made a mistake. Oftentimes it would be his hands but if the injuries were too much to the point he couldn't write well, Father would hit him on legs or body. It was so that he wouldn't repeat it again next time.

Nan Xukun shook his head. "This is nothing. It's my mistake so I should be punished." Compared to the wounds on his mother's body, what he received was nothing.

Hearing that, her mother's tears fell in an instant. "No, it's not true….I can't let things go on like this…" Holding his shoulders, she directed a straight gaze into his eyes. "Listen, Xiao Chun. That man — your father — isn't someone we can trust. Mother promises she will bring you out of here. After that, you don't need to receive punishment anymore everytime you make a mistake, okay?"

Nan Xukun nodded. It was unknown whether he really understood or not. "Can we live next door to Xiao Nian again? I really like to be with her."

"Yes, yes of course." She hugged him tightly and kissed his forehead. "Mother will try her best."

The next time Father came home, they had a huge fight. It was to the point where Mother's screams echoed throughout the house, thrill and sharp. She demanded Father not to educate him like that otherwise he would grow up crooked like Father did. She also threatened to escape once again. 

Nan Xukun hid behind the sofa and saw how the man yanked Mother's hair and slammed her head against the wall, again and again. Father's face was twisted and full of contempt, disregarding the woman's cries of pain. Until one point of time, Mother finally reached her breaking point and pushed Father away, running out like her life depended on it. She even forgot to take Nan Xukun away with her as she had promised.

Then a car rushed out of nowhere and crashed into her, hard and brutal. Her body flew a few meters away before rolling on the ground, blood oozing out of every part of her body.

The perpetrator, seemingly shocked to have crashed into someone, hurriedly pulled up and drove away, leaving nothing but a trail of blood from the woman who was barely hanging on her breath.

Nan Xukun took in the whole scene, his heart palpitating. He didn't even realize that he was holding his breath.

Nan Cheng stood in front of the window until the woman's breathing ceased. Only then did he turn around, eyes clashing with Nan Xukun who was petrified on his position behind the sofa. 

"Watch and learn, child." He smiled, unruffled. "You have to know how to cut off unnecessary people in your life. This is how you emerge as the victor. Weakness only belongs to losers."

It was as if something deep within the eight years old child shattered at that moment.

What happened next was something that had only happened in cheap soap operas. After Mother's death, Father would bring women home once in a while. And then, just like with Mother, they locked themselves inside the room all day. 

Nan Xukun learned not to probe for something he wasn't supposed to lest he would get the consequences. 

However, one certain day, it was as if the universe worked in his wonder. Walking down the hallway, Nan Xukun heard dubious and unfamiliar sounds coming from one of the doors. It was Nan Cheng's study room, one of the many rooms that he was prohibited from coming close to. But that day, the door was slightly ajar and as if bewitched by the devil's spell, Nan Xukun crept forward and peeked into it, his heart pounding rapidly.

What happened inside was something that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

He saw Nan Cheng, his superior and ruthless father, thrusting his lower part again and again into a young girl like some animal in heat. His face morphed into pure ecstasy. The girl's cries and sobs traveled to Nan Xukun's ears, reminding him painfully of Mother when she was still alive. 

Wet and dirty squelching sound echoed throughout the room, mixed with the disgusting sound of flesh and flesh slapping against each other repeatedly.

When the girl's head lulled to the side weakly, Nan Xukun finally caught a clear sight of her face. It was one of the girls who stayed in the orphanage he had just visited with Nan Cheng last time. 

...and she was only fourteen, four years older than him.

Nan Xukun ran away from that place as if his life depended on it. Entering his bedroom, he proceeded to the bathroom and vomited out all of his lunch. 

So...that was what he had always done to Mother. So, that was what he did to other women and some underage girls whose education he sponsored.

He curled into the corner of the room and cried. For what reason, he didn't know either. He was just sick of everything. He wanted someone to bring him out of this place. He wanted his mother, and he also wanted Xiao Nian badly…

Come to think of it, the only time when he could be truly happy was when he was with Shi Nian. He missed her terribly, so much that his dream was also affected by it.

Inside that dream, there was no Father, no Mother, no Auntie Qiang...only Xiao Nian and him, in a field full of blooming flowers. The sky was clear blue and the sound of her laughter drifted into his ears, calming and relaxing. 

They played together, lived together, and did everything together. He wasn't the bastard's son nor was he the only son of CEO Nan. He was only Nan Xukun whilst she was Shi Nian. It was a world that consisted of only the two of them alone.

This was his pure Heaven; his sanctuary.

And then, when he woke up, 'Xiao Chun' appeared by his side. He was the boy Nan Xukun imagined himself to be if he didn't leave Shi Nian. Cheerful, kind, naive, positive, the complete opposite of how he actually was. 

That boy became his only friend amidst the dark times in the place of Shi Nian.

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A/N: ugh, Nan Cheng is so disgusting.. He's a fcking rapist. My fingers hurt typing about him lol

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