My Dearest General: It Has Always Been You

"Sorry." Father Si held his forehead and sighed. "Don't think too much about what your mother said. She's only muddled because of her illness."

"It's okay." Si Zhening answered quietly. For him, there was no difference between being called 'weird' and 'monster'. It meant that he was not normal compared to other people. He looked at Father Si and asked,"Is mother dying?"

Si Zhening couldn't describe what Father Si's expression looked like. Shocked, apprehension and bewilderment. It was then that he realized he seemed to have worded his question in the wrong way. Again.

"No, it's not what I mean." He hastily corrected his words. "It's just that mother has gotten more emotional lately. Usually, she won't get angry at me just like that. She also eats a lot of medicines everyday... "

"I understand." Father Si stood up and patted his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Everything will be okay."

Si Zhening stared up at his side profile; the way his hair had almost been painted white, the deep wrinkles on his face and the downturn of his lips. 

…It didn't seem like everything would be okay just like he said.

***

"Hello?" Si Zhening picked up the phone in the living room. There was no answer from the other side for a while. Pondering, he guessed. "Brother?"

A sigh sounded. "Zhening." It was indeed Si Yusheng's voice.

"Are you calling because of what has happened?" 

It had been a few months since he last heard from Si Yusheng. At first, he would frequently call to let them in on the news but lately, it was as if he vanished into thin air. Si Zhening wasn't even sure whether he knew what had ensued to the family after they had moved here.

"Yes. Sorry, there's a few things I'm quite busy with at the moment. Father and Mother are too much, they don't even let me know that Qingzhao has run away from home." He sighed. "Is father there with you?"

Si Zhening handed the phone to Father Si and sat down to continue watching the cartoon. The conversation by the side drifted to his ears. 

"...We don't want to worry you. It's okay, Father can still manage."

Hearing Si Yusheng's response, he gasped in shock. "What?! Where did you get so much money?! Si Yusheng, have you forgotten what I taught you? You're not allowed to dip your hands in drugs and other illegal business. Do you hear me?"

"Okay, fine..." Father Si sighed, his voice trembled. "I will trust you this time. Thank you, Yusheng, you're a great help. Are you living well? Hmm, yes… We are good. Don't worry about Qingzhao too much. That rascal must be fine, you know how mischievous she is since she was a child. Yes, I'm still searching around the city for now. There's no way she had gone so far. Yes…okay, you go and do your things. Father will not bother you anymore." Then, he hung up on the phone, buried his face into his palms and cried silently, his hunched back quivered.

Si Zhening glanced at him and lowered his head.

He wanted to ask why Father Si was crying but somehow, he got the feeling that the more he said, the more mistakes he would make just like earlier. Thus, he opted to stay silent instead.

However, it seemed like he had made another wrong decision because ever since that day, Si Zhening could vividly feel that the Si Couple started to become uncomfortable in his presence.

He turned eleven amidst the strenuous atmosphere. 

Life without Si Qingzhao was quite dull. Si Zhening couldn't quite describe it. He was like a floating balloon without anyone to hold his string. Just with the slightest breeze, he would be blown away without knowing where to end up when the wind subsided. It wasn't exactly bad nor was it good either. 

He just felt…empty.

Since Si Qingzhao left the house, the harassment they suffered instantly vanished. Yet it was impossible to return to how things were before everything happened. Si Zhening didn't have to go to school and staying at home was the least favorite thing he wanted to do. That year, he started to roam all over the street, picking bottles and cans to earn money, helping the breakfast seller auntie to prepare her stall, etcetera. As long as those people were willing to pay him, he would do anything.

A sudden thought emerged in his mind. No, not sudden — to be exact, the idea had started to take its form ever since Si Qingzhao left. 

He, too, wanted to follow Si Qingzhao's steps. He wanted to leave the Si Family house. But before that, he needed money to survive.

One year later, Si Yusheng called home to inform them that he had found Si Qingzhao and she was living quite well, telling them not to worry about her again. He also said that she was ashamed to face her parents after making them worry so much. 

The good news lifted the atmosphere in an instant, even Mother Si gave Si Zhening a smile during dinner.

Si Zhening had secretly bought a second-hand phone from his numerous miscellaneous jobs. When he returned to his room that night, he dialed Si Yusheng's number which he had remembered early on. 

"Hello? Who is this?" Si Yusheng's voice was gruff, with a hint of impatience.

"It's me." Si Zhening said. 

"Zhening?" He sounded taken aback and his tone softened considerably, returning to how he always did to his family. "Whose phone did you use to call me?"

"It's my own phone."

"Oh? Did Father buy you this phone for your birthday?"

No, of course not. Actually, Father Si and Mother Si didn't even say happy birthday to him, he guessed that they had forgotten it altogether. However, Si Zhening glossed over the topic and hummed vaguely, then asked the question that had been plaguing his mind. "Have you really found Sister?"

"Of course." Si Yusheng chuckled. "You brat, do you think I am lying?"

"Then can you give her the phone right now? Or you can give me her number and I will call her myself."

"What's wrong? Do you miss her?" He asked in a teasing tone. 

Si Zhening contemplated briefly and chose to confess. "I want to ask her whether I can go and live with her again."

The other side of the phone was silent for a while. When Si Yusheng spoke again, his tone sounded more serious and somber. "Why? Did something happen again to you all?"

"No. It's not the whole family moving, just me." Si Zhening murmured under his breath. "It's me who wants to live with Sister."

"Wow, this is the first time I have heard you state your request." Si Yusheng said. "Did something happen between you and them?"

Even if he was given a chance to explain, Si Zhening didn't know where to start. In fact, he didn't even know how the situation escalated to this point. When he came to his senses, their relationships were already too messed up to be salvaged. Moreover, he had no intention to. He held very meager attention toward anything and anyone other than Si Qingzhao.

"Zhening," Si Yusheng heaved a long sigh. "I know that you and Mother barely got along only because Qingzhao was there so I'm not exactly surprised to hear this. I'm sorry if I neglected you before. How about this, do you want to live with me?"

Si Zhening caught the underlying meaning in his sentence. "You don't live together with Sister?"

"No. I only said that I have found her. We're not even in the same city, actually. I check up on her once in a while and help her if she has any difficulties, that's all."

"Why? Why don't you live together? Why did Sister have to leave home? Is it because of 'that person' again? Are you still trying to get revenge on him?"

"Zhening!" Si Yusheng exclaimed in shock. "What are you saying—"

"You don't need to hide it from me any longer." He said in a matter-in-fact tone. "I know that you are doing something secretly behind our back. It must be related to 'that person'. Don't worry, Mother and Father still haven't got any idea yet."

Si Yusheng sighed in relief. "You scared me…I thought they knew already. It's okay, Zhening. Just leave everything to me and don't bother yourself with that matter again. You're still too young to worry about this. Go out and play with your friends. If you don't have pocket money, let me know and I will send you some."

You're still too young…

He had heard that sentence numerous times, both from Si Couple's mouth or those people who refused to hire him because of his age. So what if he was young? Did being young automatically meant that he wouldn't be able to do anything?

That night, Si Zhening agreed obediently and hung up on the phone after getting Si Qingzhao's number. The woman's voice sounded normal, with a hint of sobs as she heard his voice, saying how much she had missed him. 

Life continued as usual after that.

Two years of doing miscellaneous jobs, he managed to scramble up enough money to survive for a few months. Carrying with him nothing but a few pieces of clothing, he embarked on a journey to another city and arrived at Si Qingzhao's doorsteps.

She had been living in the suburbs all these while, in a shabby apartment building whose lights were dim and walls whose paint had peeled off, covered in graffiti and moss. Pressing the doorbell, Si Zhening wondered if Si Yusheng did send her enough money. Otherwise, how could she bear to live in such a place?

"Coming!" The door swung open, revealing a more mature Si Qingzhao. "Who is—" Her expression froze in an instant when she saw him.

Si Zhening was similarly stunned, not because of Si Qingzhao whose condition had improved much compared to three years ago, but because there was someone else with her. 

A tiny toddler hugged her leg, his round eyes curiously looking up at Si Zhening.

Just in one glance, Si Zhening could spot a few uncanny similarities between the toddler and 'that person', the one he would spend almost half of his life for revenge — Nan Cheng.

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A/N: Hmm, who has been harassing their family? What is their intention? 

Anyway, I thought that MDG will end before January but it seems too late already lol it's a little longer than I expected. 

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