Merchant Crab

Balthazar gave the wizard a good, long look.

He had a scrawny figure, and despite still seeming quite spry, he was clearly old. Very old. The long beard that reached down to his knees and his mismatching eye sizes only added to the deranged look, and his attire was not helping, either. Big wizard hat that crumpled in the middle from how large it was, old brown shoes with silly curling tips, and a purple robe that seemed two or three sizes too large for the old man.

If the monocle hadn’t shown it, Balthazar would have never guessed that the man was the highest level adventurer the crab had ever encountered.

But considering the average adventurer he met every day, perhaps that was actually fitting. That they all become demented loons would only make sense.

“Tutoring?” the disbelieving crab said. “On drakes? What makes you such a specialist in the matter?”

“What?! You don’t believe me?” the wizard said. “I’ll have you know that I’ve done a lot of dragon riding back in the day.” The old man stared longingly at the sky for a moment before continuing. “And by back in the day, I mean last week. You should have seen that beast. She was the size of a house, that beauty!”

Balthazar made a face of discomfort at the wizard’s excitement.

“I’m not interested in riding anything, old man. I just want to be able to count on this one when I need her.”

“Fine, fine. Suit yourself,” the old adventurer said. “A giant crab would probably look ridiculous riding on a drake’s back, anyway.”

“If you know so much about dragons and drakes,” said Balthazar, “then go on, tell me what I’m doing wrong.”

The wizard started stroking his beard thoughtfully.

“Have you tried going with the basics? Maybe formally introduce yourself?”

“What?!” the incredulous crab responded. “She already knows who I am. She’s been living here since she was born! What does she need me to introduce myself for?”

“Hah! Ya silly crab,” the man laughed. “Draconic creatures like their formalities. It shows reverence and respect. Here, I’ll show you. What was her name?”

“Blue,” the crab said, stepping aside to let the wizard stand in front of the drake.

“Hello, Blue,” the old man said, while taking a bow that made his beard drag on the ground. “I am Tweedus, a high wizard of arcane magic. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

The gilded drake observed the old man’s greeting with curiosity before giving a gentle nod.

“Ya see?” Tweedus said, standing back straight and stepping away from the drake. “Just like that. Now you try it!”

With some hesitation, Balthazar stepped forward in front of Blue.

“I don’t know about all this,” the crab said, looking back at the wizard.

“Go on,” the other whispered, leaning forward and shooing him away with his hands. “Try taking a bow and telling her who you are.”

The crab looked down at himself.

“I don’t have a waist!” Balthazar muttered back at him. “How the hell am I supposed to take a bow?”

The wizard stood back straight and scratched the tip of his white mustache.

“Well, fiddlesticks. I hadn’t considered that part. I don’t know! Just try leaning forward, or something! I’m sure the intention is what matters to her.”

“So much for being a specialist,” the annoyed crab said under his breath.

Balthazar put one pincer in front of himself, while stretching the other one outwards and leaning his shell forward.

He felt like he was looking ridiculous.

And for everyone present, he very much was.

“Uh, hello, Blue,” the crab awkwardly started while staring at the ground. “I am Balthazar, giant crab and… uh… merchant of things. Nice to meet you… I guess?”

He stood back up and looked at the drake, who was staring at him with her mouth ajar, a mix of confusion and embarrassment in her expression. She gave him a quick nod that felt more like a plea to just end that interaction as quickly as possible, which the crab was happy to oblige.

Turning back to Tweedus, he saw the wizard grinning and giving him two overly enthusiastic thumbs ups.

“Ya got the spirit of it right, crab!” the old man yelled.

“I’m never doing that again,” Balthazar said, with a cold voice.

“Pfft! Quit your bellyaching! She didn’t bite your pincers off. Back in my days at the arcane academy, that was considered a big win when meeting any kind of dragon.” He shook his head with an expression of longing on his face. “Poor Jeremiah. He loved to play his lute so much.”

“Right, but what now, old man?” the impatient crab asked. “How is this getting me any closer to being able to give her commands?”

“Bah! There you go again with the commands. She’s not a pet, and certainly not your servant either, crab! You must treat her as an equal. A partner. A friend, even.”

“A friend?” Balthazar repeated. “I’m not so sure she’s too keen on being my friend. You know what was one of the first things she did when she was born? She tried to shoot fire at me! And you know what she did when she saw me about to be viciously mauled by a pack of wolves? Turned around to go back to sleep!”

“HAH! She sounds like my sister!”

Tweedus let out a hearty laugh as he threw his head back and slapped his knee.

“It’s not funny! She’s a heartless creature!”

“So is my sister! Haaaah!”

The unamused crab was staring daggers at the wizard, but the other was too busy chortling at his own joke to notice.

“You’re being no help at all,” said the crab.

“Oh, have a little fun, will ya? I’m the old man here, and you’re the one who’s all cantankerous for no reason,” Tweedus said, as he wiped the corner of his eye with his finger. “Try showing her you’re willing to be a friend. That’s all it takes to start. What’s something she loves?”

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“I don’t know,” Balthazar said, with a shrug of his shell. “She seems to really enjoy petting on the back of her head from our baker when she comes by.”

“Good! Go on and try that, then. We’re not getting any younger over here. Especially me!”

“Really? That sounds like an awful idea.”

“PET THE DRAKE, YA MUPPET!”

“Alright! Alright!”

With a gulp, Balthazar stepped closer to the drake again, who remained seated on her rock, observing the other two’s interactions with curiosity.

“H-hey, girl,” the hesitant crab said with a shaky voice as he glanced at her sharp teeth. “Just going to give you some petting… alright?”

“YA CAN’T SHOW FEAR!” Tweedus yelled out, both hands cupped around his mouth, despite being just a couple of paces behind the crab. “Drakes don’t respect cowardice. That’s how ya get snapped at.”

Balthazar exhaled in exasperation.

As much as the old man was annoying him, he also knew him to be right.

At least about the respect part.

Most of everything else he said, not so much.

Balthazar was no coward. Most of the time, at least. So why hesitate there? Blue would not take a meek little crab who shakes in his shell while trying to approach her seriously. He had been through a lot of things. He was a hardened crab by now, time to toughen up and show his worth to the petulant drake. Maybe it wasn’t his authority he should be trying to make her respect, but rather his bravery.

Puffing up his shell, Balthazar reached out for the drake’s head with his pincer, full of confidence.

Blue glared at him and bared her fangs.

“Nope!”

The crab ran back to the wizard’s side.

“DOG GAMMIT, CRAB!” Tweedus yelled. “Get back in there and act like ya got a spine!”

“I’m a crab, I don’t have a spine!” Balthazar yelled back.

“I. Don’t. Care!” the wizard exclaimed, widening his crazy eyes at the crab. “Act like you got one, or else she’s never going to respect you.”

“Why can’t she just… I don’t know, do it by default?!” the exasperated merchant complained.

“Because you clearly don’t respect her yourself, for starters.”

Balthazar wanted to argue, but something kept poking at the back of his mind.

Pesky conscience.

He knew she cared for Madeleine. She had even shown to care for Druma. Chances are she even cared for Bouldy. It was he who was the exception. And he also knew why. He just didn’t want to admit it.

She may not have been born a crab, but she was very crabby in her own way. And prideful. And stubborn. And hard to deal with.

She was just like Balthazar.

And he didn’t want to concede to that.

But if he dug deep down within himself—very deep down—he also found that he was proud that she took so much after himself.

His problem was admitting to that.

Balthazar let out a long sigh.

If recent events had finally started teaching him something, was that he needed to start valuing those around him more, because no crab is an island, even if they live on one.

He stepped near the drake once more.

“Look, Blue,” Balthazar started, “I admit that I might, maybe, possibly, not have been treating you with the respect you deserve. I try to order you around without giving you any reason to respect me in the first place.”

The drake watched the crab with a raised brow.

“I…” He rolled his eyes before continuing. “I’m sorry I’m so hard shelled. So are you, but that’s no excuse not to try and do better, especially if I keep claiming I’m your elder. Having friends and being sociable… I was just a crab living all by himself not so long ago! I’m not used to these things, alright? I promise I’ll try to lead more by example, instead of just trying to boss you around, but you need to help me out too. Think we can do that and try again?”

Blue raised her other brow as her large golden eyes stared down into his own. Balthazar wasn’t sure if she was trying to intimidate him or just judging him, but he was determined to stand tall, and not blink at the challenge.

Thankfully, being a crab with no eyelids made that part a lot easier.

Letting out a soft growl, the drake responded with a slow nod.

She may not have said it with words, but Balthazar understood she was willing to give him a chance.

“Well done, crab!” Tweedus yelled out, clapping his hands together. “You’ve earned the respect of a draconic creature and survived. Well, a little of it, at least. Or maybe just the willingness to earn it in the future. But still! Better than getting turned into a grilled crab! Well spoken!”

Balthazar glared at the wizard with an unamused expression.

“If you tell anyone about this, I’ll make sure fungal growths in awkward places are the least of your problems.”

“Hah!” the old man blared. “I like your spirit, crab! And I bet my sister would too!”

For some reason, the crab very much hoped never to meet the crazy wizard’s sister.

“But can ya make her fight?” Tweedus asked with a sly grin.

“Uh… I don’t know?” Balthazar said. “It’s not like there’s any easy way to find out unless we were getting attacked.”

“HAH! Say no more, crab!” the old man yelled out, pulling up his robe’s sleeves.

“Wait, wait, wait! What are you do—”

With a clap of his hands that produced a thundering sound, a swirl of blue light shot up from his palms and took form as a falcon made of translucent blue light, fluttering above the wizard’s head.

“The hell is that?!” the crab yelled out.

“Don’t worry, it’s just a spirit animal summoned under my control. Call it a bit of practice,” Tweedus explained, looking too amused for Balthazar’s taste.

“It’s a damn bird!” he yelled at the wizard. “I hate birds! Get that thing out of my pond!”

“Oh, is that so?” the other said, as he made the falcon fly in a circle above by swirling his index finger. “Why don’t ya do something about it, then?”

Balthazar knew exactly what the wizard was doing, but that did not make him any less irritated about it.

“Blue,” he said, turning back to the drake, who was following the summon above with her eyes. “You should shoot that thing down with some fire, don’t you think?”

She glanced down at the crab, and then back at the flying bird. She did not seem too interested.

“Come on, girl,” Balthazar muttered under his breath, so Tweedus wouldn’t hear him. “You’re embarrassing me in front of the wizard!”

She yawned.

The crab realized he needed to try a different approach. If he was so smart as he liked to think he was, he should know to try and appeal to her interests and pride instead.

“That old man might not look it, but he’s higher level than you and I combined,” he quietly whispered to the drake, with one pincer covering the side of his mouth while glancing at the wizard. “And he’s mocking us by making that stupid bird fly above our pond because he thinks we won’t be able to do anything about it.”

Blue’s brow went up once again.

“Are we going to let some high wizard laugh at us, in our territory of all places, and with a bird?! Or are we going to do something about it?”

The drake stood up on the rock and shook her wings as she stared at the falcon, no longer looking amused by it.

“That’s right, girl!” Balthazar said. “You get up there and show we’re no pushovers!”

With one strong flap of her wings, Blue took off from the rock and flew in front of the falcon, who stopped and hovered in the air, looking at the drake and letting out a screech.

The drake snapped at the bird, but her teeth found nothing to bite into. The falcon wasn’t solid.

“It’s probably some kind of arcane magic,” the crab yelled from below. “You gotta use your fire against it!”

Blue looked down at the crab and then back up at the translucent bird, tilting her head as if trying to figure something out.

Bringing her head back, the drake opened her mouth and let out a stream of blue fire at the falcon, who burst out of existence with a loud popping sound.

“Yes! That’s how you treat a bird, real or not!” the crab cheered, one pincer up in the air in celebration.

Blue landed back on the rock, looking proud and smug.

Balthazar approached her and patted her neck with his pincer. “Well done. You showed them!”

Surprisingly, she did not seem bothered by his approach that time.

They might still have a long road to go, but Balthazar had at least learned that if nothing else works to bring them closer, at least spite and a shared dislike for birds would still get the job done.

“Very good, very good!” Tweedus said, clapping and giving them a wide grin. “You got her to work with you. Sort of. It’s a start. She even used her fire-breathing on command! You know how hard it is to get a drake to do that? And she has blue flames! That’s a really rare trait! Not even I had ever seen that, only read about it in some old books.”

“Heh, thanks, old man,” the content merchant said. “I guess in your own crazy way, maybe you do know a thing or two about drakes.”

“Of course I do! Did I forget to mention my third wife was a dragon?!” the wizard casually wondered, as he looked up and scratched his chin.

Alerted by the sound of heavy stomps, Balthazar turned to the road where Bouldy and Druma were arriving from.

The golem gently put down the tree trunk he was carrying on his shoulder, while the goblin put down his box of tools.

“Back so soon?” the crab asked the goblin. “Did something happen?”

“Yes, yes, boss,” Druma said, presenting two pieces of broken metal to the crab. “Bouldy sit on saw and break it.”

“Friend,” the golem said, with a sad frown.

“Yes, don’t worry, I’m sure you didn’t do it on purpose, Bouldy,” Balthazar said, waving his pincer dismissively at the giant.

As he turned back to the goblin, he realized Druma was no longer looking at him. Instead, he was staring up at Tweedus, his big goblin eyes shining with wonder, his mouth open into a child-like smile.

“Uh… Druma?” Balthazar called.

“B-boss,” the goblin said, without taking his eyes off the old man, “is that real wizard?”

The crab let out another long sigh.

Perhaps the wizard was also a specialist in goblins.

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