Merchant Crab

The crab stood slack-jawed, his eyes looking up at the imposing golem standing in front of him, easily three times his height, as the newly formed being slowly extended one of its massive stone hands towards him, a smile still carved on its crude face.

“Boss! Boss! Danger! Run!” Druma shouted from the bridge, one hand holding a hammer, the other trying to hold his hat as he ran towards them.

“It’s alright,” Balthazar said, signaling to the goblin approaching from behind with a pincer, while keeping his eyes on the golem. “He’s not a threat. I think he’s… friendly.”

“Friend?” the golem said, his smile widening even more on its rough stone face as it turned its gaze to the goblin standing next to the crab.

Balthazar briefly glanced at Druma, who was looking at the living construct with a mixture of apprehension and suspicion on his face, before turning back to the golem.

“Yes, this is Druma, he’s a friend,” Balthazar said slowly, while pointing at the goblin. “And I’m Balthazar.”

“Friend.” The big rock’s eyes closed as he smiled even more.

“Yes, and you are… Bouldy, I guess. And we are all friends.”

Balthazar extended his right pincer to touch the golem’s outstretched hand, which was even larger than the crab’s iron claw.

[Yes | No]

Balthazar smiled, and with a nod, confirmed the prompt.

***

“Be careful!” Balthazar yelled, exasperated. “You’re going to break something!”

It had only been a couple of hours since the golem had taken form in front of them, but Druma’s initial suspicions about the giant walking boulder had quickly dissipated once it became clear he was friendly.

They had both been happily playing with one another for the past hour. Except a goblin and a golem’s version of “playing” consists of one throwing small rocks at the other, who catches them in his gaping maw and crushes them with a smile every time.

It would seem like, whether big or small, every goblin had a love for throwing rocks at others.

One pebble went a little too high for Bouldy to catch in his mouth and hit him square between the eyes. Thankfully, the creature had so far been completely peaceful, and the tiny amount of damage it took seemed to get nothing more than a laugh and another smile out of him.

Being in his party, Balthazar could now see the golem’s stats, and while a powerful bodyguard was what he wanted, those stats still caught him off guard.

[Name: Bouldy] [Race: Stone Golem] [Class: None] [Level: 30]

[Health: 499/500]

[Attributes]

[Strength: 40] [Agility: 3] [Intelligence: 1]

The construct had everything Balthazar had hoped for. He was high level, at least compared to most adventurers he’d see every day. He had lots of health points, especially when compared to the small goblin assistant. And his Strength stat was impressive.

Unfortunately, his Intelligence was… not as impressive.

He already knew golems weren’t exactly known for being very intelligent, but this one was really keeping it strictly to the minimum.

He understood the basics of what Balthazar said, or at least it seemed like he did. It was hard to tell when the only word that came out of his mouth was “friend.”

But could a merchant really rely on that creature to protect him if push came to shove?

“Druma!” Balthazar shouted, as a pebble flew right above his shell and landed in the water with a loud “plop” sound.

“Sorry boss!” the goblin said, shrinking his shoulders and rubbing the back of his neck as he avoided eye contact.

“I think it’s time you go back to work now. I need our new friend’s attention for a bit.”

Bouldy looked at Balthazar with curiosity as he sat down on the dirt, a tiny quake making the ground shake around him.

“Right, Bouldy, I need to find out if you can perform certain… duties for me.”

“Friend?” the big rock said, tilting his head slightly.

“Yes, exactly. I am your friend. We are friends. And you know what friends do? They watch each other’s backs.”

Bouldy looked as if he was struggling to concentrate a thought for a moment, and then, with a quick movement, promptly stood up and took a big step, moving behind Balthazar.

“What are you doing?!” the confused crab said, following the tall figure as it walked around him.

The golem put both hands on his knees as he bent them and put his head forward, attentively staring at the back of his friend’s shell.

Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.

“Why are you… oh for the love—that’s not what I meant! I don’t need you to watch my back like that!”

The confused boulder stood upright again, eyes fixed on Balthazar.

The golemancy manual contained a brief mention of how constructed golems would inherently be obedient and follow their creator’s orders no matter what, but when Balthazar read that, he didn’t expect things to be so… stiff.

A glaring lapse for a hard-shelled crab to make about a giant made of stone.

“Alright, let’s try to be more specific here,” Balthazar said after a long exhale. “I need you. To protect. Me.”

Bouldy looked at his creator, looked around, then behind himself, and finally up at the sky, before returning his confused stare to the crab and shrugging.

“No. I mean… not right now, obviously. There’s no danger right now,” Balthazar said, frustration in his voice. “I mean, in general, in the future, possibly, if something were to happen.”

“Friend?” The golem bent down to get his face closer to the crab’s, a concerned frown forming above the orbs that served as his eyes.

“Argh! No, it’s not like something bad is going to happen to me necessarily! But just in case it does, I need to know if you’d be able to protect me?”

As was to be expected, the golem had no conclusive answer to give him.

“Let’s maybe try something different. Follow me.”

Balthazar walked across the small bridge connecting to the pond’s entrance, while the lumbering bodyguard followed from the side, unbothered by the shallow waters that barely covered his feet.

“See this whole area, everything around the pond? From that big tree at the center, all the way around to all the boulders and up to this entrance here leading to the road? All of this is my territory. Our place. Anyone inside it is a guest or a client until I say otherwise, and they shouldn’t be harmed. But if they become a threat, they are no longer welcome, and I need you to make sure that if things go south, you’ll be ready to intervene. Can you do that?”

Bouldy took a moment to—probably—process everything Balthazar had just told him and then gave him a nod before starting to walk down the road.

“Hey! Where are you going?!” Balthazar shouted. “Get back here!”

The golem stopped, turned around, and started walking back.

“Oh, give me patience.” Balthazar let out a long sigh. “I don’t need you to literally go south. Just… be around and look big, you can do that, can’t you?”

Just as Balthazar finished his sentence, an arrow whizzed above him and hit the golem’s head, bouncing off and falling to the ground. Bouldy looked down at the object that had just hit him, no apparent reaction on his face other than curiosity.

“Hey, Balthazar, quick, get away, I’ll distract it!”

Turning around, the crab saw the archer, Rye, bow in hand, another arrow already nocked and ready to shoot. A few steps behind him was Madeleine, rolling up a sleeve with her left hand, while the right one held a thick wooden rolling pin.

“Move your butt already!” the baker yelled at the crab. “Before that thing smashes your shell!”

“Guys! Guys!” Balthazar said, both arms open. “Calm down. He’s not a threat. He’s with me.”

“What?” Rye said, lowering his bow slightly. “What do you mean, ‘he’s with you’?”

“He’s my golem. Watch. Bouldy, wave hello to Madeleine and Rye.”

The golem moved his attention away from the fallen arrow and waved at the pair up the road, a dumb smile carved on his face.

“You scared the living lights out of us, you know that?” Madeleine said, as she walked towards the crab, some of her previous battle anger still visible. “We saw this big thing in front of you and thought you were about to be turned to pulp!”

Balthazar couldn’t help but notice the large rolling pin she was still waving around in her hand as she talked. He felt more intimidated by it than he ever was by any blade or club any of the adventurers he saw every day carried, for some reason.

“Yeah, I had to hold her back from rushing in first,” Rye said as he joined them, a large basket in each of his hands. “I thought we were screwed once my arrow did nothing to it.”

“Yep, glad I got to at least test that out,” Balthazar said, keeping a cautious eye on the large rolling pin as the baker put it away. “What do you think? He’s my new bodyguard. He’ll be keeping my trading post safe.”

“How did you even get a golem all the way out here?” Madeleine asked, visibly calmer. “I really doubt you went out there and found one.”

“Yeah, golems are supposed to be pretty rare,” Rye said, staring up at the golem that was still smiling at them. “I’ve never encountered one before myself, and I’ve explored a lot of places.”

“I didn’t find him, I created him,” Balthazar said, with a fancy adjustment to his monocle.

“You what?!” said Rye. “How did you do that?”

“Ah, those are secrets of the trade, my friends.”

“Friend?” the golem said, startling the two humans.

“Uh, yes, that’s right, Bouldy,” Balthazar said, looking back at his guard. “These are Madeleine and Rye. They’re friends. Not threats. Just remember, I only want you to smash threats, not friends.”

The golem nodded and smiled at them. “Friend.”

“Did you just call your golem… Bouldy?” Rye asked, both of his eyebrows raised.

“I… it already came to life with that name. It’s just a name, like any other!”

“What is that mark?” asked Madeleine, pointing at the small “X” mark on the golem’s chest.

“It’s… I don’t know! You expect me to know every random mark on every rock around my pond?!”

The baker and the archer exchanged looks of suspicion with each other.

“Never mind that!” Balthazar exclaimed. “Why are you two together again? Just happen to come through the road at the same time again, was it?”

Rye looked up at the sky in a (poor) attempt at looking casual. “No, no. I… you know… was just…”

“I was heading down here with more pastries for you,” Madeleine interjected, putting her hands on her hips, “and Rye here, seeing me carrying these heavy baskets, offered to carry them for me, like the nice gentleman he is. You know, good manners. You’re familiar with those, aren’t you, mister crab?”

“Of course I am,” said Balthazar. “It’s usually adventurers who aren’t very familiar with them.”

“You know, maybe we should take my pastries back to town and leave you to play with your rocks again.”

Balthazar’s eyes jolted at that mention. “No, no! There’s no need for that. You already came all this way. It would be a waste of poor Rye’s effort to turn back now.”

“That’s more like it.” Madeleine’s usual smile returned as she dropped her hands from her hips and picked up one basket. “Seeing as you seem to go through whatever I bring faster and faster, I brought a larger dose this time.”

The baker opened the basket to reveal a cache of wonders. A large pie, yellow and with some kind of cream covering it, surrounded by many smaller pastries, little nuggets of soft looking dough with different kinds of creamy fillings bursting out of their sides.

“This is a lemon cream pie, and these are cream puffs. I didn’t know what flavor to pick, so I brought you a few of each to see what you like.”

“Madeleine,” Balthazar said, holding back the waters in his mouth, “I can assure you, with no doubt in my mind, that I will love each and every single one of them like I love each gold coin I own.”

“The other basket has some meat treats for Druma.” Madeleine looked up at Bouldy. “I’m not sure if I should bring something for your new friend next time, or…”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Balthazar said, while shoving a cream puff in his mouth, “I’m pretty sure he’s on a strict diet of pebbles only. From what I read, golems don’t require food.”

“Ah, alright then. I think I’ll go say hello to Druma and give him this basket.”

As the baker headed towards the bridge, Balthazar turned to the archer and gave him a piercing gaze.

“So, boy,” the crab began, pink cream all over his mouth, “what’s the deal between you and Madeleine?”

“Uh… what do you mean?” Rye said nervously.

“Don’t play dumb, because I’m not. I can see you two are spending a lot of time together. Is there something I should know?”

“Hey, man, you’re the one who sent me looking for her. If it wasn’t for that, I might never even have crossed paths with her. You know her too. She’s a nice and kind girl. I just try to be nice and friendly back.”

“Sure, sure,” Balthazar said, getting closer to the archer’s face. “Cut the crap and tell me, what are your intentions with her?”

“W-what do you mean?” the boy asked with a gulp. “I just think she’s… nice… and very pretty, and… I… I like her.”

Balthazar pulled away from Rye’s face with a slightly confused look. “Oh. So you just like her? You’re not trying to get free pastries?”

“N-no? Why would I?”

“Oh, phew, that’s a relief,” the crab said, relaxing his shell. “I thought you were going to disturb my supply.”

“What?” the young adventurer said with nervous relief. “You thought I just wanted free food? Ha ha, no, no, don’t worry. While her baking is amazing, I promise you, my interest is her heart.”

With a sudden movement, Balthazar turned around and got very close to Rye’s face again.

“Good. But you should be careful. Because if you ever broke it, I don’t think we could be friends anymore.”

Rye glanced over the crab’s shell at the golem still towering over them, who looked back with a friendly smile.

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