Merchant Crab

Balthazar pulled his arms out of the backpack’s straps and set it down to serve as a cushion to rest against as he sat in front of the small campfire Druma had just lit.

Once the goblin stepped away to collect some more fuel for the fire from the nearby bushes, and while Blue lazily stretched herself like a cat preparing to take a nap on a bed of leaves nearby, the crab pulled up the level up screen, ready to examine it without distractions.

[You have reached level 16]

[Choose a base stat to increase by 10]

[Health: 180/180]

[Stamina: 30/30]

[Mana: 10/10]

“Hmm…” whispered the crab as he stretched his arms.

I am pretty wiped out after the day I had, so more stamina could help with that, but… I don’t really plan on having days like this very often. Exercising is exhausting, and I already have the peak physical form anyway, so…

Bah, can’t go wrong with more health!

[Health: 190/190]

[Stamina: 30/30]

[Mana: 10/10]

“Almost at 200 already. Nice!” the sitting merchant muttered, just loud enough to disturb the nearby drake’s rest, making her lift a disapproving glare at the crab before going back to her beauty sleep.

Alright, what’s next? Give me more big numbers!

Enthralled by the newly found appeal of other numbers that go up besides his coin count, Balthazar swiped to the next screen.

[You have 3 unspent attribute points]

[Attributes:]

[Strength: 5]

[Endurance: 5]

[Agility: 5]

[Perception: 5]

[Intellect: 5]

[Charisma: 57]

The crab crossed his arms and tapped on the side of his face with the tip of a pincer, pondering.

I’ve put all the points I had accumulated before into Charisma, so maybe I could start putting these into something else.

He leaned back against the backpack, staring off into the dark sky as he considered his options.

I could probably also just let them sit there and build up to use later… Nah, that’s dumb, like having two slices of pie and only eating one to leave the other for tomorrow. Who would ever do that?! Pie sitting on a plate does me no good when it could already be in my stomach!

The crab let out a long and relaxed yawn as he watched the tiny embers of the campfire fly up into the night sky, their light mixing up with the other small dots of the stars shining above.

Decisions, decisions… What do I even need the other attributes for anyway? Charisma saved my shell back there, not strength or some well aimed spell. Bah, if it ain’t broken, don’t fix it.And even if it was, but I could take advantage of it, I should leave it be too.

[Charisma: 60]

Satisfied with his wise and well-thought-out choices, Balthazar swiped the screen to the side.

Wait, that’s it?

The crab moved his eyestalks left and right a few times, and then up and down, trying to find some extra screen he might have missed, but there was nothing more.

Damn it, I need some skills. I can’t rely on dialogue to get me through every problem I’ll encounter, as much as I’d like that to be possible. Can’t just talk a boulder back into life, and big flying lizards don’t seem too keen on chatting up with crabs, sadly.

The tired merchant sighed as his shell lazily slipped down against the leather of the pack, the warmth of the fire tickling the tips of his legs and making him feel even more relaxed.

Guess that’s another thing to worry about on my long list of things to do: figure out where to find those Scrolls of Potential, or some kind of skill tutor. Hmm, I wonder who they could be… Doubt they’re common, most people I’ve met just today were dumb as a sack of bricks.

The crab’s eyes began growing heavier by the second, the exhaustion of his very unusual day finally taking its toll, and his thoughts started fading into pastry-filled dreams.

Hmm… blueberry pie for supper… or maybe peach… ooh, key lime for the morning, yes…

***

The next morning, Balthazar woke up lying on his Backpack of Holding, next to the now smoldering remains of last night’s campfire. With a big stretch of his pincers and many legs, the giant crab let out a long and satisfied yawn.

While sleeping in such an awkward bedding would have been problematic for many other species, for Balthazar it was no problem at all, as he had no bones to ache, back to crack, or even a neck to be stiff. Perks of being the ultimate life form.

With groggy eyestalks, he fumbled his way around the pile of ashes that still smoked in the middle of the circle of stones made by Druma the night before, scratching the backside of his shell as he went.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Blue was still lying in the same spot, slumbering with slow, deep breaths, while Druma, ever the early goblin, was already up, off somewhere in the trees, likely chasing some squirrel, judging by the noises the barely awake merchant could hear nearby.

Balthazar had a very specific morning routine, as any proper crab should. A routine which involved a quick trip to the shore of his pond every day, something he, for the first time since he could recall, was unable to do, because his beautiful pond was several hours away from where he stood. A fact that he was still trying to get used to.

Thankfully for the crustacean, his acute hearing picked up on the sound of running water from nearby.

Shuffling through some bushes and skittering around some trees, Balthazar quickly found a small stream running between some rocks and zigzagging through the woods.

It was no pond, but it would do.

After splashing some water on his face and doing his usual chitin exfoliation, Balthazar stood back straight, throwing his shell back as he let out a long “Ahhh” of satisfaction.

“Feeling much better now. Just missing my morning slice of pie.” He slumped down slightly for a moment, before picking himself back up. “Too early for feeling sad, Balthazar! Focus on finding Madeleine and you’ll get your pies!”

Putting his claws on the sides of his shell, the crab took a deep breath, inhaling the fresh morning air.

“Ah, just like back home.”

Suddenly, a new system message popped up.

[Would you like to start your tutorial now?]

[Yes] [Later]

Balthazar frowned slightly.

“What’s this about a tutorial? I’ve had a system for months, I don’t need no tutorial!”

As he looked at the available options, his frown deepened.

“Why can’t I just say no?”

Annoyed, the crab simply pressed the [Later] option and shrugged, turning back to the rolling water of the stream to dip his pincers into it, because even crabs know you should always wash your claws before eating.

[Would you like to start your tutorial now?]

[Yes] [Later]

“Huh?!” said the bewildered merchant. “Didn’t I just tell you to buzz off? Later, not now!”

With another quick flick, he sent the question away and continued to scrub between his dactylus, where all the dirt and gunk tends to get. If there was one thing Balthazar did not abide by, it was dirty claws touching Madeleine’s pastries.

[Tutorial?]

[Yes] [Later]

“I take back everything I said about liking this new system version better!” exclaimed Balthazar, splashing water everywhere as he threw his claws up. “I don’t want to do any tutorials right now!”

The crab firmly pressed the second option on the prompt.

About ten seconds of peace and quiet passed as he tried to calm his temper, when a new notification appeared.

[What about now?]

[Yes] [Ask me again in 5 seconds]

“Argh! Fine!” yelled the angry crustacean. “If it will make this thing shut up, I’ll just get it over with! How hard can it be anyway, if it’s meant for new adventurers?”

Balthazar pressed the first option and a new screen slid into his view.

[Tutorial Quest: Introduction]

[Welcome to Heartha! In this marvelous world of—]

“Nope!” the crab loudly declared, as he saw the long page of text extending down in front of his eyes. “I do not care!”

[Skip]

After pressing the skip option, a new window appeared.

[But not everything in this land is—]

“I ain’t got time to read all that!”

[Skip]

[So it is your destiny now to go forth and—]

“Skiiiiiip!”

After Balthazar mashed the skip option for what felt like a hundred times, the introduction pages finally ended.

[Tutorial Quest: First Steps]

[Welcome, new arrival! After your rough landing, your mind might be a bit scrambled. Make sure you still remember the basics of moving around!]

[Objective: Take at least 10 steps forward]

The crab smacked the front of his face with his claw.

“Are you… flipping… kidding me?” he grumbled. “I know how to walk! I’ve always known how to walk! What kind of idiot is this tutorial made for?!”

Remembering the answer to his own question—the very same adventurers he had been dealing with for months—Balthazar sighed and walked forward.

“There, happy now? So difficult! Can I go back to getting breakfast now?”

[Objective completed!]

[Well done, adventurer! You still know how to walk in a straight line, but do you still remember how to strafe and walk backwards?]

[Objective: Take at least 10 steps left, right, and backwards]

“Oh come on, this is ridiculous!” the outraged crab yelled.

Frustrated, but just wishing to be done with the whole thing, the merchant did the little dance of sidesteps and back stepping until the system was satisfied.

[Objective completed!]

[Great job, adventurer! You still got your moves! Now let’s learn how to jump!]

[Objective: Jump at least 5 times]

“No, I’m not doing that! This thing can’t be serious?! I’m a crab, and crabs aren’t meant to jump!”

Balthazar crossed his arms like a child throwing a tantrum, but the jolly quest prompt remained in front of his eyes, covering most of his view, with no option to skip or close.

“Argh! I hate you, system!” complained the crab, as he threw his pincers up in defeat.

***

Over by the trees, Druma stood watching Balthazar on the edge of the stream as Blue approached, joining next to him.

“What… what is boss doing?” asked the confused goblin, scratching the top of his hairless head under the wizard hat.

The drake observed the crab with an expression of awkwardness, her head tilted to the side like a watchful cat sitting atop a wall in an alley.

Near the running water, Balthazar moved around, counting steps as he did lines and circles with his eight legs, stopping every few paces and grumbling to himself before continuing.

His two companions watched on in weirded out confusion as the crab started hopping up and down.

“Is… is boss dancing?” said Druma.

Blue looked at the goblin and shrugged.

***

[Objective completed!]

“Finally!” said Balthazar. “This has been nothing if not humiliating. I’m just glad I’m all the way out here with nobody to see me doing all this ridiculous stuff.”

The crab took a moment to exhale and catch his breath. Morning exercises were not usually part of his morning routine. Or his afternoon routine. Or evening. Or part of any routine of his at all, in fact.

[Quest Started: First Adventure]

[Now that you have learned the basics of movement, it’s time to embark on your first journey and find somewhere to explore and get some loot!]

“You know what, no, screw this,” Balthazar declared. “I’m done with your crap, system. I’m not one of your stupid adventurers, and I’m not doing any dumb quests either.”

As he looked for a way to dismiss the system prompt in his eyes, he noticed the bottom line of text.

[Objective: travel east to Tudor’s Hall]

Balthazar’s eyestalks frowned.

“Wait, where do I know that name from?” he said, scratching his chin as he tried to remember. “Wait, that’s right! Tudor’s Hall is the dungeon Tom comes from!”

His upset mood seemingly gone all of a sudden, Balthazar chuckled to himself.

“I wonder how that old skeleton is doing.” He glanced at the quest objective once more. “I mean… I wouldn’t mind visiting him and finally seeing that place of his. He talks so much about it. Maybe I could even find something useful there, like one of those scrolls.”

Suddenly making up his mind, the now excited crab skittered back to the campsite, where his two companions were already packing up.

“Druma, Blue, get your things, we’re taking a little detour to visit someone!” he cheerfully announced.

After a couple of minutes, the crab and his two followers were back on the road, heading east with the merchant at the front.

[You seem to have two companions. Would you like to add them to your party?]

Balthazar read the notification as he continued walking.

Oh! I didn’t even think about this. I wonder if their stat sheets will look different in this updated system too.

With a squint, he confirmed the prompt to add Druma and Blue to his party, and gained access to their stat screens.

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