Even though Shui Xian had mentally prepared himself to hear something like that when he asked her to continue, his mind still crashed.
His lips parted but before he could say anything, she interrupted him.
"Before you tell me I'm being compassionless, don't bother. I have heard it way too many times already," she told him in a candid manner. "I can't relate to the grief of losing someone but that doesn't mean I'd make fun of someone's grief. Although I do believe that death is indeed a part of life, I also believe that everyone needs an escape from their grief before it consumes them. There is nothing wrong with crying over the loss of someone you cared about. Just because I can't understand it, I won't mock anyone for understanding it. However, you can't go and play dead with the dead."
Her tongue darted out to lick her dry lips as she went on, "I heard people say that more than the dead, one should be scared of the people who had died inside. At least, the dead move on after the funeral and can rest in peace. It's the people who have to live with dead souls who are left restless for life."
Shui Xian's eyes flashed with an indescribable emotion as he took her hand in his own and told her, "I had a Bichon Frise. We named her Twilight."
It didn't take long for Raelle to catch on to the peculiarity of his words. "We?"
He nodded his head as he went, "We means me and my ex-wife. In fact, when we brought Twilight home, we weren't even dating at that time. We were just childhood friends." Shui Xian tried to find any change in her expression but couldn't find it. He didn't know whether to feel relieved about that or...
With a mental sigh, he went on, "Actually, it happened when we were 14-15, I think. One night, we were coming back home together when we found Twilight under a bench in the cold night. The poor baby was shivering so badly. Some cruel person abandoned her there. So, we took her to the vet. And since we found her on a twilight night, we named her Twilight. Pretty dumb, I think!"
Raelle looked at the way he chuckled at himself at the end but didn't say anything to disturb him. He was clearly having a walk down the memory lane and she didn't feel like disturbing him. Because she could certainly see the emotions surging in his eyes that he had experienced back then. It somehow made her a part of that memory even though she wasn't there back then. But currently, she was the one walking down that memory lane with him.
"Twilight died a month before our divorce was finalized," he finished his words in a heavy tone. Anyone could tell that he was holding back his emotions that he felt intensely. After all, Twilight wasn't just a dog to him. He had spent so many years with her. She was a part of his life.
However, since Raelle couldn't really detect the change in his voice, she still managed to catch on to his feelings because of the way his hand tightened around hers. She mentally went through all that she knew about emotions and came to the conclusion; he was missing either the dog or the time that had passed.
"When the doctor said we couldn't save Twilight, I was really upset and scared as well. I didn't want to let her go but eventually, I had no other choice."
"I think your Twilight managed to live till this day," said Raelle startling Shui Xian as he looked at her. "She left a ripple in your memories. And as long as she is living in your memories, she can't be considered dead." Raelle looked into his brown eyes and went on, "And you weren't scared to let her go. You're scared to let go of the youth you spent with her. You were scared of losing the years that might become meaningless without her."
Holding her hand, Shui Xian silently walked back home. On his way, her words kept ringing in his mind. She made him realize why he was so unwilling to forget his ex-wife. She was also a part of his youth. Forgetting her or the love they shared would mean that he had wasted his youth on something that wasn't even meant to be his. He had wasted his emotions on someone who didn't even care. And the love he cherished for years would just become meaningless. Exactly, that's what he had been scared of all this while.
When they came back home, Raelle took the cup of her milk tea from the maid before ascending the stairs. Shui Xian followed her in a daze. Right, when she reached the top, she abruptly stopped and Shui Xian's forehead ended up hitting her back. She turned around as he tilted his head up to look at her.
"Do you want me to buy you a dog?" she asked out of the blue.
Shui Xian's brows jumped up, "Do you like pets?"
"No," she replied straightforwardly.
"Why not?" he inquired.
"Troublesome," she replied with her most favorite word. If Cloe had been around, she would have banged her head against the wall hearing her reply.
Shui Xian gave her a smile as he asked, "If you don't like pets, why do you want to buy me a dog? Are you trying to impress me?"
"Do I need to impress you?" she retorted plainly.
Shui Xian shook his head as they walked towards their room and he said, "Then do you think by buying me a new dog, you'd be able to replace Twilight?"
Raelle shook her head, "No one can replace anyone in this world. Everyone has their own place. Even if two people end up in the same position, they'd always have a difference of time between them. Because one has to leave that place for the other to take it." Raelle unzipped the jacket of her tracksuit as she went on, "The chapter you wrote with Twilight has already ended. She might be the protagonist of the chapter you wrote in your youth but since now you're writing a new chapter of life, it is necessary to change the protagonist as well."
Saying that she leisurely sat down on the sofa and sipped on her milk tea with her phone in her other hand. And while she continued on her business, she had left Shui Xian in deep thought.
While she talked about his dog, he could only link it with something else. Or rather, someone else...
The chapter he wrote with his ex-wife had really ended. Now, the protagonist of his life was this wife of his who lacked so many emotions and yet, struck right at his emotions every single time.
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