Meanwhile, the same couldn't be said for Mu Jianyu who was devastated after learning the truth about his wife's sudden passing. His chest tightening at the thought that he'd lost her because of his foolishness and betrayal.
"Ying, what have I done?" He choked out.
Not only did he lose his wife from that incident, he had also lost the unborn child Li Xiuying was carrying at the time. How foolish. He was so busy fawning over a child that wasn't his and had cast his own flesh and blood away because of another woman.
Guilt crushed into him, wave after wave, enough to drown him in it and he deeply regretted what he'd done to his own wife. Had he known this would be the outcome of his betrayal, he wouldn't have chosen Lin Meirong over Ying. He would have focused his attention on his wife and nothing else.
Mu Jingyi, his adopted daughter, was already asleep in her own room, oblivious to what was happening at this moment.
Li Chuntao had demanded him to give her twin sister back… to return Li Xiuying back to her. He would if he could, but there was nothing he could do right now other than to blame himself for Li Xiuying's death.
Nothing was worth losing Ying's life for. Not like this. It shouldn't have ended like this.
He could let her go, divorce her to give her freedom, see her with another man as long as she was happy and content, but death? Death was never an option. Mu Jianyi didn't think he would be able to accept the truth behind her death.
Mu Jianyu's health started to deteriorate from then on. His days were becoming so unproductive that he decided to leave his work in favor of staying at home with Mu Jingyi, while his nights were filled with nightmares as he kept dreaming of his dead wife torturing him in his sleep.
Everything around him was tuned out, the silence only heightening the madness he was suffering. The days when Ying had continuously given him chances to redeem himself, her eyes boring into him, knowing the truth about his betrayal kept haunting him.
How? How was she able to endure all those months of his affair, pretending that everything was alright when in fact she was dying inside?
"You want us to divorce?" She had asked him.
Mu Jianyi could clearly see the hurt and shock in her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.
"I'm not happy anymore." He replied with a straight face. "Let's get divorced."
That was the biggest blow he had given Ying, and now, his biggest regret. He had always thought that the problem in their marriage was her, when in fact, he was the one who turned his back on her.
Was this his punishment from the heavens? If he knew Ying and their child would end up being dead, he would definitely not abandon the two of them.
One day passed. Three days passed. A week passed. Guilt was eating and pestering him continuously. A fire burned in his mind and throat. Remorse hit him like a sledgehammer, leaving him breathless and in pain.
If he could only turn back the time, he would definitely not abandon his wife for another woman. He would have worked hard with Ying to make their marriage work out. But what else could he do now? The reason for him to live was gone and every waking moment he had only crushed him with the guilt and remorse over her death.
In his heart, Mu Jianyu retracted all the bad things he ever said about Li Xiuying. They were never a reflection of her, only of his inner demons and his failures as her husband. He should be the one who took care of her, who should have loved her.
Ying worked hard for the sake of their marriage, but he only saw what she could not do. Pressured by her perfectness, he was too focused on wanting to be seen as the perfect husband the public was expecting to see with the Li Princess.
Because of his pride and bruised ego, he had only given her passive-aggressive rage, and withdrew himself to punish her for something she hadn't done and he became more self-absorbed than ever.
Mu Jianyu unlocked the door of his apartment after dropping Mu Jingyi off at the kindergarten because he had no more energy to spend with the kid in mornings, where the girl would always cry to get his attention.
"I'm home." He muttered out of habit, before he realized that he was alone and there was no angel waiting for his return.
The smiles that Li Xiuying always had on whenever he comes home, Mu Jianyu never thought he would miss it so badly.
Remorse. Guilt.
That was what Mu Jianyu felt at that very moment. As he stared at the wedding portrait of him and Li Xiuying that was hanging in his living area with teary eyes, he wished he could turn back time so he could go back and rectify his mistake - the worst of all he had done. He had failed her in the worst possible way.
However, he could not. Impossible. He had to live with it. Remorse etched in his heart. Guilt gnawed through him like a worm at the core of an apple. A tear trickled down his cheek, memories flooded his mind...
No… He cannot continue to live like this anymore.
He dropped the grocery bags he had in one hand and bolted out of his apartment. He pushed for the elevator button with his trembling hands.
When she first denied to see him, Mu Jianyu would describe his heartache as an insatiable fire that burnt all the oxygen in his body, leaving him listless and empty. But now, it was more like a hell fire that would forever burn inside of him.
He drove towards the location of the accident, half insane, half in love. Insane that he'd lost the most precious treasure he ever had.. In love that until now, he realized that it had always only been Li Xiuying.
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