Kill the Sun

"Do you want a coffee? Oh, yeah, right, sorry, forgot," Steve said awkwardly as he sat down on the railing again.

As always, the Sun shone brightly in the sky, even though it was 2AM.

Steve sat on top of a railing on the top of the megastructure in Mark Wild City.

Over the last couple of hours, they had gone through many plans.

What plans?

Well, plans to eradicate Vandalize.

Nick walked closer to Steve, who had just pulled back his cup of coffee.

It wasn't difficult for Nick to see how nervous and insecure Steve was at this moment.

Usually, Steve always showed a strong front, but when it was just him and Nick, that front often cracked.

When Steve had worked under Nick, he had been surprised at how insanely good Nick was at leading the team.

His calls were always correct.

His missions were always clean successes.

They had not lost a single member.

Even more, Nick always seemed to know exactly what to do and what to say.

He had never threatened anyone, and he had never raised his voice.

And yet, everyone had followed him without complaints.

When Steve had seen how Nick was as a leader, he had felt hopeless.

He felt like he had tried to kill the Sun.

How could he even attempt to lead a team if the leaders were supposed to be this good?

He wasn't that good!

Steve had given up trying to become a leader back then.

However, that was what allowed him to talk to Nick without any feeling of competition.

Steve could be honest.

Over the years, Steve had learned from Nick.

The two of them had regular talks, and Steve basically used Nick as a release for all his insecurities and doubts.

And the only thing that Nick did in return was to give curt answers that made Steve fall into deep thoughts until he finally saw his own inadequacies.

When Steve became the leader again, he felt extremely insecure.

Yet, the missions all went pretty smoothly.

Sure, not everything was perfect, but it was good enough.

Until, eventually, he even saw himself as the leader of the squad.

At that point, his conversations with Nick became less and less frequent.

But today, Steve was in a nostalgic mood.

He remembered how it was seven or eight years ago.

Things were so much simpler back then.

In the end, he called Nick to talk again.

Naturally, Nick approached Steve and stopped beside him.

Yet, he didn't say anything.

He just looked at the distant tower of Vandalize.

Silence.

"Could you have saved her?" Steve asked suddenly in a calm voice.

"Does it matter?" Nick asked back in an even voice.

"It does to me," Steve answered quietly.

"Have you made a mistake with your orders?" Nick asked.

Silence.

"No," Steve answered.

"Then, don't ask such questions," Nick answered.

Steve didn't answer.

"These kinds of questions lead to regret," Nick said.

Steve just listened.

"What if? Could I have? Should I have? There's a time for these questions, and that's when you suspect that you made a wrong call," Nick explained.

"But you didn't. Your call was correct. We both know that."

"In that case, asking these questions will bring nothing but misery to you."

"When you are sure you made the right call, but you're still in pain, the only thing you can do is to deal with the pain."

Steve looked at the city in silence.

That sucked.

Steve had acted correctly, but he still felt regret and pain over his decision.

There was nothing he could have done better.

This was already the best-case scenario.

And yet, it still felt so bad.

However, Steve knew that this was what it meant to be a leader.

Normal employees did not have the luxury of deciding the direction of the entire unit, but in exchange, they also weren't responsible for the unit's decision.

The leader was responsible.

If the unit accomplished a mission perfectly, the leader would be praised.

If the unit failed a mission, the leader would be reprimanded.

If the plan was perfect but the mission failed, the leader would be reprimanded.

If the plan was horrible but the mission succeeded, the leader would be praised.

If one employee saved the mission, the leader would be praised.

If one employee ruined the mission, the leader would be reprimanded.

Everything was on the leader's shoulders.

Was it fair?

Not entirely. After all, why should the leader be reprimanded because of the failings of a single employee?

Sadly, the existence of said employee in the leader's squad falls under the leader's responsibilities.

The leader was supposed to only hire good people and deal with bad people.

But that wasn't so easy.

Sometimes, bad people were extremely good at disguising themselves as good people.

If, by all appearances, the person was good, wouldn't it be an incorrect decision to refuse them?

Unfortunately, leaders were evaluated on their successes and failures as a unit, not as individuals.

"Do you think the plan is bad?" Steve asked after several seconds of silence.

"Based on all available information, the plan is about as good as it can get," Nick answered.

"Why the qualifier?" Steve asked.

"Because a plan can only be as good as the available information," Nick answered. "Most of the time, there are even better plans, but they require even better information."

Steve looked at Nick with uncertainty.

"Could you contribute more than you are already contributing?" Steve asked.

"Can you?" Nick asked back.

Steve wasn't entirely sure.

"I genuinely don't know," he said after a bit.

"You shouldn't," Nick said. "Even if you can."

"Why not?" Steve asked in surprise.

"Because we are trainees," Nick explained. "Our first priority is learning and gaining experience, not fulfilling missions."

"Going all-in on a chance of success might give us plenty of rewards, but our worth in Aegis' eyes is higher than what it would gain after 100 risky missions from us."

"We are being seen as future Agents."

"We are supposed to protect entire Cities."

"Maximize the experiences you gain while minimizing the risks you take. Do not include profits earned or missions accomplished," Nick said.

Steve had heard that before.

Shirley had said something very similar to him in the past.

Sadly, Steve still didn't like it very much.

Sure, they were here to learn, but many people suffered so that they could learn.

They were essentially building Heroes on the foundation of innocent corpses.

But then, what else were they supposed to do?

Not give any Agent any real experience before handing them responsibility over entire cities?

That would be so much worse.

Steve didn't like it, but just like before, this was already the best-case scenario.

Everything was muddy.

There were no black and white decisions.

They were all just different iterations of grey, and it was basically impossible to completely banish black's influence from the result.

"Is that how you have acted within the last eight years?" Steve asked.

Nick wordlessly nodded.

Steve thought back to all the times he had told Nick to infiltrate enemy lines.

"Have you risked your life?"

Nick just shook his head.

This surprised Steve.

He had asked Nick to do quite some risky things in the past, but Nick said that he hadn't risked his life yet?

What was that supposed to mean?

Naturally, Steve had suspected many times over the years that Nick was far more powerful than everyone thought he was.

So, Steve had given him several risky missions and even gave Nick the opportunity to decline them.

Yet, Nick just completed them without any fanfare or complaints.

But even then, Nick said that he hadn't risked his life yet?

That was when Steve remembered that Nick had dodged the question earlier about whether or not he could contribute more.

Then, Steve remembered that Nick had said that the plan was as good as it could get for the available information.

By now, Steve was certain that Nick could do much more.

"Nick," Steve slowly said.

Nick didn't answer.

"Could you deal with the Specter on your own?" he asked carefully.

"The conversation is over," Nick said neutrally before turning around and walking back inside.

Steve gritted his teeth and clenched his fists.

"Sorry, it's fine," Steve said as Nick opened the door to leave. "Forget that I asked."

However, Nick just entered the building and closed the door behind him.

This always happened whenever Steve asked Nick about anything specific related to his past or his person.

Mendor often joked that Steve and Nick were the best of friends since they talked so often in secret.

Yet, Steve always felt like that wasn't accurate.

In fact, he didn't know much more than everyone else.

They talked so many times, and Steve had learned so much about himself.

And yet, he had learned nothing about Nick.

Nick was like a distant image.

Steve had seen this image countless times, but he had never managed to get any closer to learn more about it.

There was a wall between them, and no matter what Steve did, it was impossible to get past it.

Steve wished that they could be friends, but that wish would never come true.

And he knew that.

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