Jujutsushi Wa Yuusha Ni Narenai

Courtesy to: wn404

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“… Tsk. Thief huh. Well fuck you too.”

I cussed. I felt ashamed at how I thought I was gonna get some great power, and instead, ended up being a damn Thief.

“Yeah, guess I kinda overdid it in middle school.”

Shoplifting was my calling in those days. I stole whatever I could get away with. I didn’t even want most of the stuff. I just stole for the heck of it. For fun.

While there were a lot of dumbasses of the same nature who eventually just got caught, I never did. At some point, I went and realized that I’d better stop now or there’s no going back. I just felt in my gut that it was time.

So a month after I quit, one of my lifting buddies got himself caught in a collectibles shop trying to get his hands on this real high priced SSR card. Once that happened, it was only a matter of time till he was made to spill the names of all the other guys he was doing this with. I’d been clean for a month and counting, and had already gotten rid of all the loot I brought in, so they didn’t exactly have any solid proof against me. That said, my folks did end up finding out that their son went around shoplifting and they sure gave it to me.

“Can’t say I wan’t expectin’ you to fuck up one’a these days, gahahaha!”

My old man said after getting a crapload of punches in. It’s like that saying, like father like son. I figured out why I was like the way I am all the way back in middle school.

All that having happened in my life, I was quickly convinced, or I guess, gave up on fighting the fact that I’d gotten Thief out of all the Jobs.

Then, when I accepted that new Job as mine, my head strangely got ahold of more info.

Throw Dagger: Throwin’ a knife is the basics of the basics, mate.

Search · Hi Sense: Really gotta hone that intuition, and stuff like findin’ treasure or sensin’ danger’ll be a cakewalk. And you got a talent for it I’ll give ya that.

Unlock: It’s practically in the job description. Yeah, practice makes perfect and all that rat shit, but with some good intuition ya might just get lucky.

Huh. Guess these are those Skill things.

And what’s up with these descriptions being like someone’s screwing with me? God’s saying this right? Yeah, I guess the God of Thieves ain’t much better than one.

And looks like Throw Dagger’s the only one I can use to fight monsters and that crap. And I can’t use it without a knife or something like that.

I do have a knife with me though. It’s a personal one. One of those butterfly knives that were big a couple generations ago. I got used to carrying one in middle school, and just ended up having it in my pocket in high school too. Plus, this little guy saved me a bunch of times when some random yankees from Black High popped up.

The good way to use a knife isn’t stabbing people, but having the skill to slice ‘em on the arms and stuff. Can’t get away with downright murder after all. But you get good with the knife, and suddenly its your best friend when it comes to dealing with idiots. Some asshats out there like to think they’re big shit if they know karate, or judo or boxing and the crap, but they got nothing on a bladed weapon. One cut on the back of the hand and they go crying back to their mommas.

“But here we gotta kill or get killed, ain’t it―― oy fuck!?”

I got this sudden danger sense in my head and a chill up my back.

What the fuck is this shit.

Then I realized that it must’ve been Search · Hi Sense telling me that there’s danger around. I was in an empty stone room. I looked out the door from there and found the issue.

“Oi oi oi, you mean that’s one of em monsters? Ugly little fucker.”

It was this short man-shaped creature that clearly wasn’t human. It had cockroach-like black skin and a face that looked ugly as sin. It had a rusted sword too.

It was prowling around in the passage outside and breathing rough all the way.

Crap. Fucker’s coming this way.

“… It’s now or I’m dead.”

I was ready to kill it. Calm down, I’ll be fine. It’s alone. Might have others somewhere but now, alone. This was my best chance to kill it.

My hands shaked at first. But I pepped myself into stopping it. My butterfly knife felt sharper in my hand, now more than ever.

“Die, bitch.”

And that’s how I, Higuchi Kyouya, got started in this dungeon survival.

“― ― Ugh, it’s you.”

“You sure are friendly after I just saved your ass.”

I killed a bunch of those ugly little fucks, called Gomas apparently, and had gotten a bit more used to fighting like a Thief. And after a while, I heard a girl screaming and ran toward it.

I already got the Hi Walk Skill so I made it there in no time at all. I arrived at a big dome with a forest growing inside. I found the girl too, she was surrounded by a pack of Gomas.

She was a small girl, with short, black hair. I panicked, thinking it might be Yukiko, and went to save her immediately. If it’d turned out be some numbskull like Yokomichi, I would’ve killed him together with the Gomas.

And after I was done rescuing her, it turned out I was wrong.

“What? I know you thought I was Nagae-san, can’t fool me.”

“Ah? Did I now.”

“So it was true, you two are dating after all.”

“Shut it. What’s it to you?”

The one that’s been bitching on for the last few minutes, Shinohara Emi, was a girl who looked a lot like Nagae Yukiko, also a classmate and the one I was secretly dating. But this girl and my girlfriend only shared the same height and hairstyle. In everything else, Yukiko’s leagues above. Most guys thought that Yukiko looked bland, but she had this delicate beauty to her and was really cute like that. Meanwhile, Shinohara here was below average at best. If I had to make it easier, while Yukiko’s a solid 7 or even 8 out of 10, Shinohara’s 4.5 tops. Make that 4 with those lame glasses she got on.

Me and Shinohara didn’t have anything in common. We were in our separate groups, her being one of those girl otakus or whatever they’re called. But she was still the leader of that pack, so she stood out in her own way.

Must be one reason why she wasn’t scared shitless and had the guts to talk back to me. Though it could just be her being a dumb cunt and thinking I won’t punch a girl when I need to.

“Oi Shinohara, you meet anyone else yet?”

“Sure, but he’s not really someone I like. What about you? Seen Souma-kun or Tendou-kun maybe?”

What a damn bitch. Here I come and save her and she’s being all choosy.

Whatever. Shinohara’s the sort that gets off on fantasizing gay shit like Souma and Tendou sucking each other off. She’s rotten in the head.

“So what Job did ya get?”

“Aquamancer, what about it?”

“The fuck’s that, can you even use it?”

“I can, asshole!”

“So what were you doin’ back there with all those Gomas?”

“T-they came out of nowhere alright, what was I supposed to do!?”

What do you mean ‘out of nowhere.’ It’s kill or get killed in this place. The Gomas are smart enough to attack with numbers, so you gotta be better.

“Haah… it just had to be Higuchi, didn’t it. I have the worst luck.”

“I can hear you, oi.”

“Let’s get going, shall we? Never know when those creeps might pop up again.”

“What, so you’re gonna follow me now?”

“Of course I am. Be a man and make sure to protect me alright?”

Shut up, bitch. Don’t girls preach on about equality of the sexes in this day and age? Protect yourself.

It’s what I thought, but somehow going with the flow, me and Shinohara ended up staying together anyway.

“… Wow, we still haven’t found anyone.”

“Hasn’t even been that long.”

“Yes it has! What the fuck, anyone, seriously, like, literally anyone is fine…”

On what happened after Shinohara started following me, in short, a few things. We got attacked by Gomas and other monsters here and there, and eventually, I found one of those things my Job’s supposed to specialize in: a treasure box.

We got a potion from it. Apparently it’s a sort of magic water that can heal practically anything. I wasn’t one to take things on face value, but the info we’ve been getting in our notebooks hadn’t been wrong yet.

Life here was a far cry from mindlessly waking up every morning for school. It was like living in a real life RPG with all the stuff constantly happening. It hadn’t even been that long since I got here in retrospect.

“Can you shut up and just walk?”

I’ve been in this dungeon for around 2 days now. In those couple days, me and the tag-along had only traveled 2, maybe 3 km deep. I guess this was another one of my Thief powers. I had a good grasp on time and distance. And it was thanks to this power that I somehow sensed that this dungeon complex was ridiculously huge.

So if it’s true that everyone landed in different locations, of course we won’t just run into them.

“You shut up! Ahhh, why, what did I do to deserve being alone with this creep…”

My biggest problem right now though? It was this stupid cunt Shinohara constantly bitching about one thing or another. Dumb bitch wasn’t even useful in fights with how she freezed up.

Yeah, I know about how you can go loopy in this kind of scenario, but this bitch was really close to taking it too far. Now’s around a good time I punched some sense into her…

“Fuck, no, calm down… I do that, and there’ll just be more problems down the line.”

Yeah, I knew. I keow that I couldn’t let myself snap in this sort of situation.

I wasn’t the only one with a super powered Job. Everyone should’ve gotten one, and depending on what they got, even a weak little girl could have insanely powerful magic. I should keep in mind that everyone might have a secret weapon they can kill me with.

Let’s say I shut this bitch up for now. Sooner or later, we’re bound to meet other people in the dungeon, and when that happens, she might just have the opportunity to get revenge… In short, my best bet for staying alive is to not cause shit with any of my classmates. Since it’s like that, I can handle some amount of bitching.

“―― Huh? It says here that only 3 people can get out… The fuck is…”

And now we had a clear reason to go against each other.

I learned this jarring fact about the dungeon, once again from the notebook magic circle, when we were resting in another one of the Fairy Squares.

It said that only 3 people could use the final teleportation circle in the deepest part of the dungeon.

It could be false info. It had to be. I wanted really hard to believe it too… But my damn Thief’s intuition was telling me that this really was ‘fact’.

“Wait what!? No, no no no, what the hell, no why, why only 3…”

“Oi, settle down already, Shinohara. It isn’t set in stone or nothing and there could be other ways of getting out, yeah? And look, guys like Souma or Tendou might have pretty strong Jobs and once they round everyone up, I’m sure we’ll manage somehow.”

I said that to calm her down, but I didn’t believe a word of that myself.

Only 3 can get out. This was fact. In my head, it was already a settled matter.

Which meant that I’ll need to change my non-aggression policy.

I knew that at least half the class didn’t like me, they hated my guts so to speak. I knew about that, I had no problem with it either. Though the majority of these were the losers or otaku of the class. The once that went around spouting inane crap like delinquent, yankee, DQN. I used to just not bother with chumps like that, but now they’d all have powers, which was real bad news for me.

If only 3 people are allowed off this place, it means that the ones they’ll try and get rid of first are guys like me. In other words, they’ll have to suffer no guilt even if they end up killing me.

The other big problem is that with this kind of limit, you’d have to pick 2 others to be on your side. And you’d have to be very close to them if you’re gonna trust each other.

For example, the Souma siblings. There’s also Tendou + the Class Rep and Kenzaki + Takanashi. For the rest, there’s the Sakurai + Hinagiku couple who’re constantly all over each other, there’s Kizaki + Kitaooji, the class lesbians, and Ooyama + Sugino, the class gays. If anyone’s gonna trust each other with their lives, it’s one or all of these duos. Which implicitly meant that they’d be willing to sacrifice others if it meant saving their partner.

As for me… I don’t know if I’d give my life for her, but I’d save Yukiko given the chance. I mean, she is technically my girlfriend. Though, I’m still not sure if she likes me that much or not.

Anyway, this was the basic game plan: I’d make sure that me and Yukiko can make it back. I hadn’t decided on the third person… Well, it won’t be Shinohara, that’s for sure. I’m sure I can find someone more deserving of the third ticket.

“So don’t worry about it too much a’ight? We’ll meet up with the others and then we can put all our heads together and think up a solution.”

“Y-yeah, you’re right…”

There you go. Now I’ll appreciate it if you can die in a random ditch somewhere. You can do that, right Shinohara?

And, once I started thinking like this, I felt liberated, like a tight vice being released from my heart.

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