Chapter 334: GRIEF
When Ramon was two years old, he had an injection once and while the other children were bawling their eyes out, he didn't even flinch, as if it hadn't happened at all.
When he was five years old, Ramon had fallen and hit his temple on a rock and bled, but he didn't cry and was just playing with his car when the doctor stitched up his injured forehead.
When Ramon was six years old, he fell off his bicycle and broke his leg, but he didn't cry when people around him were hustling and bustling to call an ambulance for him.
Ramon just frowned at the pain and the fact that he wasn't going to be able to ride a bike anytime soon.
When he was eight years old, Ramon got into a fight with a child who bullied him continuously, until his lips cracked and his face was bruised, but the child had to be admitted to the hospital for intensive care.
At that time, Lucas scolded him, but Ramon didn't cry. Either because of being scolded or because he suffered some injuries after fighting, not a single tear left his eyes.
At the age of twelve, Ramon was again fighting with three people at once because they were bothering Lexus. He came home with wounds all over his body and didn't say anything to Lucas or Lis about this, because they weren't at home and neither of them knew about the incident.
At the age of twenty, Ramon lost his father and also had to start learning to handle the company that Lis managed after the death of her husband to hand over to Ramon when he turned twenty-two.
Even at his father's death ceremony, Ramon received the guests calmly.
And in the years that followed Ramon lived as if he was a human being who had been programmed to endure everything and lived his days in a monotonous style.
Some intrigue in the company, dealing with fraud, or some problems that require 'special' attention from him, eventually invoked his dark side.
Killing people or getting involved in a dark organization is not a problem for Ramon nor when he is needed to act cruel and outside normal limits.
Ramon was used to it all and no longer thought it was a big matter.
Until Ramon thought that he could deal with any kind of emotion or difficult situation calmly.
That's what Ramon had in mind. That's what Ramon believed until he felt what it was like to lose something, which he had loved with all his heart, before he even had the chance to see it…
Ramon had never felt this kind of feeling, so vulnerable and fragile. An unfamiliar emotion.
He himself a few years ago probably would not have believed that the word loss had such a deep and suffocating meaning as he felt now.
How can you love something even when you're not actually touching it? See it?
But, that's what happened. That's how Ramon felt now.
The warm tears that flowed from his tired eyes and fell on the back of Hailee's hand, proved that such a thing was possible with Ramon Tordoff.
Ramon wept silently after his repeated apologies to his wife, while Hailee rubbed his head gently.
"There's nothing to apologize for, Ramon… it's not your fault…" Hailee said softly. "This is not your fault…"
Just like Ramon, those were the only words Hailee could tell him. Because right now, she doesn't even know how to deal with this situation.
Hailee felt there was an empty and dark void in her heart, something she didn't want to touch. At least for now…
She didn't want to touch that part, because Hailee felt that by being near that empty and dark void, her defenses would collapse and she would lose herself to a wave of sadness that she couldn't possibly face at this time…
She would think about it later…
She would grieve for their baby later...
Because for now, Ramon looked much more devastated than Hailee. Even to see Ramon in this condition alone was a pain in itself for her…
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Hailee woke up while the sky was still dark and the sun was still behind the horizon, emitting a soothing reddish glow.
Hailee stared at the light with her vacant eyes. There were so many things in her head that she had to think about and also there were so many feelings that she had to digest right now.
Only, Hailee didn't have the energy to cope with it all. She really felt very tired. An exhaustion that she had never felt before.
A fatigue that she didn't know how long it would take to dissipate. This was the kind of exhaustion that wouldn't go away just by lying down or resting.
This was a fatigue she would always feel whenever she remembered this day.
Even the bruises on Hailee's body couldn't cover the tiredness in her heart right now. Hailee's breath hitched as she tried to approach the empty hole in her heart, trying to untangle the tangled threads in her mind.
No… she couldn't do it now…
Hailee then tilted her body and looked at the face of Ramon who was sleeping beside her. Even in his sleep Ramon was still frowning, as if the restlessness and sadness he felt was chasing him into his dreams.
Hailee forced Ramon to sleep beside her even though the man said he didn't want to accidentally hurt her. Because Ramon could move in his sleep and actually hurt Hailee when his wife's body was already full of wounds.
But, Hailee won the debate easily.
Maybe it was because they were both so tired and being around each other was what they needed the most.
Slowly, Hailee raised her hand and gently touched Ramon's face with her fingertips, feeling Ramon's stubble covered face because he had not shaved for the past two days.
And from what Ian said, Ramon had also not slept for those two hellish days. Hailee could feel the pressure Ramon had felt during those two days.
Granted, they both lost their baby, and Hailee wouldn't say she was so much sadder than Ramon...
They share the same sorrow...
Either because of Hailee's touch, or because Ramon couldn't continue sleeping, the man finally opened his eyes and looked at Hailee with wide eyes.
"Good morning," Hailee said, then kissed Ramon's forehead like she always does and tears welled up in their eyes once again.
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