I'm Spider-Man (MCU)

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Peter sat on a rooftop, his ghost laptop open in front of him while Wade crowded next to him, impatiently waiting for him to find their runaway bad guy.

The wind rustled over their suits, adding an eerie atmosphere to the night.

Peter's fingers danced across the keyboard, tapping into various databases, trying to find a trace of Francis after he went into hiding.

Wade erratically tapped his up and down, his arms crossed impatiently. "Any luck, Spidey?" He asked for the 100th time, his voice tinged with irritation.

Peter sighed as he could feel Wade breathing down his neck for the past hour. "No, Wade. As I've told you countless times already, you're arch-nemesis knows what he's doing. He covered his tracks well. No digital breadcrumbs to follow so far. And if you want me to find any, then you need to be patient. "

Wade groaned dramatically. "Seriously? This guy knows how to vanish better than my ex-wife."

"You were never married." Peter scoffed.

"How do you know that?" Wade asked before coving his masked mouth and letting out a high-pitched gasp. "Are you stalking me?!"

Of course, Peter read Wade's file, so he knows everything that the government knows about his annoying friend.

"Yeah, I'm your biggest fan." Peter says sarcastically, trying to work with a loudmouth idiot constantly hovering over his shoulder. "Can you give me some space? I need to focus to figure this out."

Wade whined. "Hey, I'm just trying to add a little spice to this snooze fest."

Peter rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his laptop. "Maybe we can find some clues from the surveillance cameras in the area. When Francis left his house, he had to have passed some cameras. There might be footage of the direction he left in or the vehicle he took."

With a new plan in mind, Peter got back to work, hacking into the surveillance network that covers the entire city.

Isolating the area where Francis lived, he scrolled through the footage, but his hopes quickly faded. The screens displayed nothing but static as if someone had deliberately wiped them clean.

"Great, just great!" Wade exclaimed, throwing his arms up in exasperation. "Can't catch a break, can we?"

Peter clenched his jaw, his patience wearing thin. He shot a glare at Wade, silencing him momentarily.

Seeing Deadpool on the big screen, p*ssing off everyone around him certainly hits differently when you're the target of his antics.

Determined not to waste any more time, Peter let out a defeated sigh as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, dialing a number.

Wade leaned closer, trying to catch a glimpse of the screen. "Who're you calling, Spidey? Some hotshot hacker to do your job for you?"

Peter ignored Wade's taunts as the call connected. "Hey, sweetie. It's Dad. I need your help with something for me."

Wade raised an eyebrow. "Are you calling your daughter?"

Peter shot him a warning look, his voice carrying a hint of annoyance. "Wade, I swear to Morgan Freeman... If you don't shut the hell up, I'm going to throw you off this building."

Wade shrugged and leaned against the wall, his hands held up in surrender. "Your family, your business."

Meanwhile, Peter spoke into the phone, his tone filled with both urgency and affection. "Yeah, sorry about that. I need you to hack into the smartphones of everyone near a certain address and help me track someone using the built-in cameras. You're looking for anyone who was around or was recorded at a specific time. Hopefully, you'll have better luck than me."

Of course, Peter could have done this himself, but it would take far longer since he only has two hands.

Lily, on the other hand, can interface the World Wide Web using her mind alone, which allows her to do the work of a thousand Peter's at once.

Wade scoffed. "Oh, great! He's calling his kid for help now? Is she even old enough to use a computer? Should we get her a booster seat so she can reach the keyboard?"

As if on cue, Wade's complaint triggered Peter's breaking point. 'That's it.' He thought.

Without warning, he shot a web at Wade's face, which latched onto his mask. And with a simple tug, Peter forcefully threw him off the roof.

"Aaaahhh! F*ck you!" Wade's screams quickly faded into the distance as he landed with a loud thud in a nearby dumpster.

...

..

.

When Wade finally climbed his way back up to the rooftop, covered in dumpster juices that stunk up his surroundings, Peter stood there casually waiting for him, his arms crossed.

"Alright, Wade," Peter said, his voice tinged with satisfaction. "My precious little genius found him. Or at least his last known location."

After using smartphone camera footage from anyone in the area to follow Francis and the car that he stole, Lily was able to use the city's surveillance system and stop light cameras to follow his path throughout the city, leading all the way to an abandoned dock.

And to add a bit more certainty to it, the entire area just so happens to be a dead zone for traffic and cameras.

One of the very few in the entirety of New York City, to be exact.

Wade wiped off the dirt and grime, his expression a mix of annoyance and admiration. "Then that dumpster dive was totally worth it. Now, lead the way, Spidey."

Waving his hand and summoning a golden portal, Peter stepped back and motioned toward it. "Ladies first."

"Suck a d*ck." Wade countered as he paced passed Peter and stepped through.

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Atop a tall crane on an abandoned dock, Wade and Peter stepped out of a shining portal, glancing below at a huge rundown freight ship, which looked to be in the process of being remodeled into a secret base.

And surrounding the makeshift base was a fenced-in perimeter, crawling with heavily armed guards in blacked-out tactical gear.

"Hey, Spidey, think you can handle a superhero landing?" Wade's voice echoed through the night air, filled with mischievousness.

Peter rolled his eyes beneath his mask. "Wade, we're trying to be stealthy here. No unnecessary attention, remember?"

Although it wasn't likely, Peter didn't want to give Francis the opportunity to run again.

"Besides, you don't have what it takes to-" Peter spoke tauntingly, but it was too late.

Wade leaped off of the crane as if he were an Olympic Diver. "Superhero landing!" He shouted as he soared through the air, limbs flailing, and crashed onto the ground at the center of the fenced-in area.

Peter couldn't help but wince as he saw and heard Wade's ankles snap upon impact.

His feet turned to a sickening angle as the red and black-clad idiot fell to the ground in pain. "Motherf*cker!"

The guards, who were on high alert, immediately turned their attention to the loud spectacle as men in towers shined bright spotlights onto his downed form.

"Nice going, Wade," Peter muttered to himself, shaking his head.

Ignoring the pain, Wade managed to prop himself up on his elbows, a grin spreading across his masked face. "Ta-da! See? Perfect superhero landing!" he exclaimed triumphantly.

With a sigh, Peter gracefully descended from the crane, landing silently beside Wade. His landing was nothing short of perfection, a testament to his years of training and experience.

"That's a superhero landing. Feel free to take notes." He shot Wade a knowing look before turning to the guards.

The armed men, their weapons pointed directly at Peter, hesitated. Whispers swept through their ranks, fear evident in their eyes.

They recognized the iconic red and blue costume, a symbol of dread that struck terror into the hearts of all criminals across the world.

"Spider-Man..." One guard muttered, his voice trembling. "What's he doing here?"

Another guard, his voice more confident, stepped forward. "Doesn't matter who he is. Shoot him!"

But before they could react, Peter's agility took over. He darted forward, webs shooting from his wrists, disarming the guards with expert precision.

His movements were fluid, almost dance-like, as he incapacitated them one by one, leaving no chance for a single bullet to be fired.

Not even the alarm was raised.

Meanwhile, Wade was busy snapping his ankles back into place, his healing factor working its magic.

Within seconds, he stood tall once again, brushing off the mishap as if it never happened.

"All right, time to finish this the f*ck up!" Wade declared, cracking his knuckles as he turned to the author. "Cue the music!"

💿Gangnam Style by PSY Plays💿

🎶oppan gangnam style🎶

🎶gangnam style🎶

🎶na je nun dda saroun ingan jogin yoja🎶

🎶coffee hanja ne yoyu rul anun pum kyo kin nun yoja🎶

🎶bami O myun simjang E ddugo O jinun yoja🎶

🎶kuron banjun itnun yoja...🎶

"Seriously?" Wade asked as Peter continued to demolish the guards in the background.

Suddenly the music stops as Wade could hear the sound of a button being pressed before another song filled his ears.

💿Kung Fu Fighting by Carl Douglas plays💿

🎶Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh🎶

🎶Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh🎶

🎶Everybody is kung fu fighting!🎶

"That's more like it..."

A/N: 1546 words :)

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