I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

༺ Ask Her ༻

My suspicion that Doah had been avoiding me was proven right when I arrived at school.

I wasn’t just imagining things. All the remaining doubts were gone by the time the class was over.

“Doah!”

I called out to you! And you saw me!

She looked back and even made eye contact with me, but she still fled down the stairs.

So I ran, to the point that I was out of breath, trying to catch up to her.

My body wasn’t accustomed to running, because all I did was lie around, watching streams all day.

Then again, who woulda guessed this would happen?

If a year ago, someone were to tell me that I would be doing this in the future, I woulda laughed it off, calling it bullshit.

When I saw Doah go left towards the entrance from a distance, I made a sharp turn.

I could catch up to her if I were to leave through the side door.

And I did catch up to her. Finally, I could speak to her!

“Damn it. Why are you running away?”

Fuck, I can’t… breathe…

Ugh, it felt like I was about to die…

I put my hand on her shoulder so that she wouldn’t run away. She looked up at me, like a terrified mouse.

“W-Where did you come from…?”

“The side door.”

I closely examined her face.

Her cheeks were red, and like me, she was also struggling to breathe.

And the look on her face reminded him of a middle schooler who was caught using a computer without permission.

“Doah.”

I put my other hand on her other shoulder.

“…Yes?”

“Why are you avoiding me?”

“…Oppa.”

“Did I do something wrong?”

I voiced my pent-up frustration out loud.

“N-No! I-It’s not like that! I-It’s just…”

She mumbled the end of her words.

Did that mean… I messed up so badly that she didn’t even know how to start?!

A cold sweat trickled down my forehead.

Then, from her tiny, cherry-like lips, her next words came out…

“B-Because there are too many people here!”

…Huh? People?

Immediately after that, the blurry surroundings in my eyes cleared up at once.

I saw people taking glances at us on their way after class.

Some of them were from the same department as us, even. They were whispering to each other while looking at us.

I retracted my hands that were holding her shoulders.

“S-Sorry.”

Han Taemin, what the fuck was wrong with you?!

This was the exact situation that you hated! Why the hell did you make Doah suffer through it?!

Get yourself together!

“Then, can we move somewhere to talk?”

Doah focused her dark brown eyes on me before nodding.

“…Yes.”

“Alright, I’ll wait for you at the front gate. Come quickly.”

I turned around and quickly left the place.

It wasn’t like me. 

It wasn’t like me at all. 

I wasn’t trying to say that I should keep being kind and cool all the time, but at the very least, I shouldn’t cause trouble for others. 

After I arrived at the front gate, I let out a deep sigh.

“…Oppa.”

Then, someone tugged my sleeve from behind.

“Yes?”

“You don’t have another class today, right?”

“I don’t.”

“Then, can we talk at that park?”

She didn’t need to specify which park she was talking about.

Because there was only one park near our house.

“Okay.”

We walked together along the street where I used to think about her.

The maple leaves were dyed beautifully in vivid yellow, but that didn’t prompt us to start talking to each other.

Only the crunching leaves beneath our feet could be heard, filling up the silence.

This was the worst going-home experience I had yet.

We turned left from the main road that went uphill towards our house, and the sight of the park’s entrance entered our sight immediately.

Have they ever cleaned this park? I wouldn’t know.

But, the ground was filled with countless dead leaves.

“Why don’t we go over there and sit?”

Doah nodded, still keeping her mouth shut.

We sat next to each other on the bench.

She looked down at the ground, her lips were sealed shut. But, when I was about to say something…

“Oppa.”

“Yes?”

“You know, I…”

Her tone was subdued, making my whole body tense.

What was she going to say to me?

“I really hate people who pretend they don’t know.”

“Ah…. Is that so…?”

I already knew about this.

That was what she said during her Bracket Fights Stream.

But, why was she bringing it up now—?

“Taemin oppa.”

She lifted her face and turned to look at me.

It was hard to describe her expression with words.

There was both anger and fear on her face.

Her tone though, was eerily calm.

“…Yes.”

I swallowed the saliva down my throat.

“Don’t you have something to tell me?”

I could see the reflection of my face in her dark brown eyes.

What should I say to her in this situation?

I felt my limbs stiffened up. Well, it wasn’t like I was completely clueless about what she was on about, though… It was just…

How?

How did she know?

I didn’t think I left any gap for her to notice that I was a Pink Army…

Well, she might have figured out that I was an otaku, but Pink Army specifically? She shouldn’t know—

“…I knew it.”

Seeing that I had only been biting my lips without answering her, Doah’s expression slowly distorted.

“I’ll be fine… Really, I’ll be fine, so can you please tell me everything…?”

So she said, but tears had slowly welled up in her eyes.

“Hahaha… Also, I always thought it was a little strange…”

“Like, you rejected me and all…”

“And you have no reason to treat me nicely…”

Doah raised her head slightly, maybe because she found it difficult to look me in the eye.

“I’m the only one who likes you for real… Just like a fool… And I didn’t even know that…”

“So, did you have a lot of fun watching me from the side?”

“Did you want a try with a girl streaming using a 2D character?”

“You didn’t ask me what I was doing on my birthday and just left me alone. Was it because you had known all along?”

Facts mixed with her own misunderstandings kept pouring out of her mouth, along with her tearful voice.

“W-Why aren’t you…saying anything…h-hiic…”

Eventually, she couldn’t hold back her tears anymore and buried her face in both hands.

“Please say something… Han Taemin…”

I was so flustered that I didn’t know what to say, but the moment she burst into tears…

That was when I figured that I should beg for her understanding in the most efficient way possible.

So, I put my hand inside my pocket.

Honestly, I didn’t know if this was the right way or not…

Maybe there was a gentler and more reasonable way than this, but I wouldn’t know.

After unlocking my phone, I opened up my idol’s streaming page that I had always looked forward to. 

“Doah.”

I placed my hand on the clenched fist on top of her knee.

The back of her hand was wet from her tears.

“You…don’t have to…comfort me…”

Her back was shaking as much as her trembling voice.

“Can you… just… leave me alone…”

“No, I can’t.”

You said it on the stream, didn’t you?

It was important to have an unbreakable heart.

Inheriting Luka’s will, I didn’t intend to back down here.

I reached out to wipe the tears that ran down her cheeks, and slowly turned her head to me. 

Her eyes were red.

Clear teardrops continued to flow out of her eyes.

“Here.”

Instead of explaining to her with words, I just put my phone in her hands.

“What is this…?”

“Just look at it.”

She wiped her tears with her sleeves and fixed her gaze on my phone screen.

“…Huh?”

Her tone changed.

Now it was my time to be nervous.

Ah, fuck, why did I feel this way?!

Didn’t I decide to give my phone to her because I thought it was the best way to resolve this situation? Why the hell was I starting to have second thoughts the moment my phone left my hand?!

I didn’t mean to reveal it this way, at all.

My heart was beating like crazy. 

“This…”

As if the screen I showed her wasn’t enough, she pressed the back button and opened the setting.

Her big eyes were growing wider and wider.

“Oppa.”

She was still sobbing, but her voice was filled with energy this time.

“Is this your account?”

“…Yes.”

“You’re not borrowing someone else’s, right? Is it really your account?”

I closed my eyes and answered. 

“If you go into the account information… My name is there…”

Fuck, why did I feel so embarrassed?!

I was just showing this to Doah, but it felt like I was stripping myself naked in front of the whole school.

“T-Then… O-Oppa, you’re really…”

She looked at me in disbelief.

“You’ve been subbed to me for a while…?”

Well…

Now that it came to this, I should just fully expose myself!

Woman, I voted so hard for you before you even debuted in Closer!

I literally paid you 12,900 won every month!

My passionate heart, which had been aching for Luka, flared up.

I took my phone from her, zooming in on my subscriber badge before pushing it to her face.

“Do you see my 12-month subscription as a joke?”

Right, I forgot to add this…

“Luka-tan?”

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