I Should Have Just Died

‘Stupid Alyssa.’

Is she naively believing that the person who has never found Alyssa will give her that kind of affection? While condemning herself, Alyssa couldn’t hide her hopes that keep rising.

The carriage carrying Alyssa stopped.

Why did Seidrick return just in time, and why did it have to be Alyssa?

Instead, if her mother weren’t alive… Rather, if she had not been born, no… this would not have happened if she had died, along with her birth mother.

Everything was resentful.

In a situation where she can’t completely believe the queen’s words, it’s also her hope.

Alyssa stared at the mansion blankly.

She would rather trample it on without hope at all. Alyssa got pushed back into despair every time she felt it would be getting better. The cruelest torture of hope in the world.

Like seeing how long Alyssa will last.

“Did you come back?”

Alyssa mumbled her mouth as she watched the butler greet her.

“Where is the Duke?”

“He went out for a while.”

Alyssa thought, feeling relieved by those words.

‘Ah, I want to die.’

***

The worries were long, and the actions were short. Alyssa stopped scanning Seidrick’s office. Her fingertips were shaking.

‘What am I doing now?’

Like being possessed, she was doing something that should not be done without consciousness. Alyssa made a stupid choice. No matter how struggling she was, what did she do? This is what she saw and learned, and Alyssa dropped her arm. Tears filled Alyssa’s eyes as she saw the messed-up office.

“You’re bad…”

How can she be so selfish and nothing better?

Alyssa picked up what she spilled with her trembling hand and sat down. No matter how much Alyssa picks up, what happened will not be reversed.

She curled her body, and intermittent cries erupted from Alyssa.

During this time, it was too easy. She has to leave Cambridge. Once, she was sure to bring back what they lost. Alyssa will still be a threat to Cambridge as long as she has Avery in her veins.

Alyssa rose with her cries.

She couldn’t stay here any longer.

She became the duchess and tried to steal from the family, so it doesn’t matter if she gets kicked out.

Alyssa fluttered and ran out of the office. She had nothing to eat, and her stomach seemed to be twisted. She didn’t even know her shoes were coming off, and she ran towards the garden. Not even feeling her breathing choked on her throat, Alyssa ran out of the familiar path.

The surprised employees gave her space and, without knowing that Sasha was chasing her, fell behind.

“Oh huh, huh…”

Alyssa flopped down in front of the lake, which had melted entirely in the spring energy.

If not an animal, how can a person do this? How?

“Huh, huh huh huh…”

Impatient tears burst from Alyssa.

How…

These are the first people to join Alyssa’s side. Juliana and Ophelia were the ones who stood in front of Alyssa and stopped the blasphemy of others. No matter how shameless she is, how can she try to do that?

She didn’t understand it herself.

She should have died. She should have died, not to survive a useless life. Alyssa aroused her trembling body.

Seidrick said that the lake was much deeper than it seemed. It is said that the moment she stepped on her foot, she would be sucked into it.

Alyssa has dreamed again and again. The moment of death in the vast lake was her comfort.

Alyssa was firmly convinced that it should be now. Her thoughts did not go through her reason but directly led to her actions.

Her shaking legs stepped into the lake. It is better to die at once rather than slowly dying from being swept away by the cruel torture of hope. Alyssa continued to move forward with her saliva swallowed, dragging her tightly sticky dress.

Then, as the water rose to her waist, Alyssa stopped.

‘Bad girl…’

This lake was of great significance not only to Alyssa but also to Sid. Alyssa almost messed up other people’s comfort and memories. She glanced around with her lost eyes.

Nothing here was hers.

Sid, Gilbert, and Mona.

And Seidrick, Ophelia, Juliana, and finally Kendrick.

It was a place containing everyone’s memories.

There was no way to contain Alyssa’s death in such a place. Alyssa cried, rolling her feet like a little child who had lost her mother.

She hated herself for not being able to do anything right.

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