I Don't Want to Be Loved

Chapter 191 – A brief moment of kindness

Translator – Yue

However, there was no stopping Rihannan’s weeping with just those words. While Rihannan kept crying, Basil quickly reached inside his pockets and took something out.

“I heard that when you are in a bad mood, you’ll feel better if you eat something sweet. Your Majesty, at least have some of this…”

He had a piece of candy in his hands. When Rihannan looked at the candy with tears still in her eyes, surprised, Basil clumsily attempted to hide his hands. He felt ashamed.

As a kid she’d have happily taken it. I guess it’s too much of me to think that you’d do that now…

“My apologies. I shouldn’t have…”

“Why are you so kind to me, Basil?”

At her sudden question, Basil’s eyes widened.

“What?”

“You’ve always been like this. In the past and even now. Even though I treated you terribly last time, you are still kind to me”.

Hearing her trembling, crying voice, Basil felt as though he was listening to his own youngest daughter, and had to stop himself from unconsciously laughing.

“Well… who could hate a Queen as pretty and beautiful as you?”

“No, Basil. You may not know about it, but there’s plenty of people who hate me. Even my own family hates me. They’ve always have”.

Basil smiled broadly.

“If somebody hates you or isn’t fond of you, then that person has a problem, not you, my Queen. That’s for sure. Besides, you didn’t really mean what you said last time”.

This time, Basil took out a handkerchief to wipe Rihannan’s cheeks. It was a soft movement of a hand, like a father trying to pacify his daughter.

“You’ll always be loved by the right people, my Queen. Even Mrs. Cessly isn’t someone who can easily make friends with others, but she’s especially weak towards you. Didn’t you know that?”

“Isn’t it because Mrs. Cessly is a good person?”

“Since you are a good person, Mrs. Cessly can only treats you as such. Mrs. Cessly is usually quite cold and harsh towards others. Even the scary Queen Mother is careful around her”.

When he finished wiping off all the tears, Basil put his handkerchief away. Then, he extended again the hand holding the candy towards Rihannan, a smile still upon his lips.

“If you think it’s ok, please try one. This is something my wife gave me, so I wouldn’t give it lightly to anybody else”.

Rihannan hesitated for a moment before taking the candy. Then, she replied softly.

“…Thanks”

Basil understood that that word held a much deeper meaning and smiled happily.

“Please, have a nice rest. While it won’t solve your problems, I’m sure you’ll still feel better after a good sleep”.

Rihannan nodded. After checking that her lips were slightly curved into a smile, Basil finally let out a relieved sigh.

When Rihannan got into her room, Basil’s warm gaze quickly turned cold. Ever since they’ve left the office, he’d felt as though someone was looking at them. And, right when the Queen vanished from view, that sensation also disappeared.

According to his intelligence, one of the Palace’s servants was constantly gathering information about the King and Queen, and selling said data to someone outside the Palace every three days. He was surprised he hadn’t noticed any of this all this time.

“It seems as though he’ll make a move tonight”.

Basil coldly whispered to himself. It was already time to catch the rat that’s been hidden within the Palace all along.

***

Rihannan went back to her room. There was a letter addressed to her, written and signed by the Queen Mother. The letter suggested Rihannan to go visit the Royal Family’s villa before winter arrived. At the end of the letter, there was an additional line stating that if Igor prohibited her from going, it was fine if she didn’t.

The two of them usually exchanged letters, so it turned into a habit. Rihannan grabbed her quill and began writing. She’d found out something new about the Queen Mother. However, even though Igor had described her as some cruel, monstruous woman capable of poisoning an entire kingdom, Rihannan couldn’t shake off the maternal feeling she got from her.

Rihannan knew that the Queen Mother was strict and fearsome, but she was also wise and gentle. She’d abandoned her rightful claim to the throne and even sacrificed her position for the sake of peace. Arundell would have fallen to ruins had she not stopped the war.

But, upon listening to Igor’s revelation, Rihannan suddenly became aware of a striking truth. Igor’s mother was someone capable of killing off her own cousins without mercy nor remorse, all in the attempt to reach an impossible dream.

How many events from the past were hidden from Rihannan? How many of them was she not even aware of?

Looking at the soft surface of the letter, her clear blue eyes fogged. Memories from the past started surfacing.

After moving her residence to the Royal Villa, Igor kept his word of visiting her regularly. Rihannan was euphoric. He took care of her and her baby, which gave her a lot of happiness, something she’d never felt before.

As always, Igor would leave the villa, reminding her that he’d visit her again the next day. The next morning she waited for him wo arrive, but he didn’t. In his stead came a letter, short and concise.

The letter said he was worried about something and busy, so she didn’t need to wait for him.

She read the letter again and again. She was sad she couldn’t see him, but this was also the first letter she’d ever received from him. The elegant handwriting captivated her and, even though the letter’s content was short, she read it again every minute. This was a letter from Igor.

A thought popped in her mind. If he was worried, why didn’t she pay him a visit? It would be a surprise visit. Would Igor hate it if she appeared without prior notice? She pondered for a while, but he’d been so good and sweet to her in the past months…

After much thought, she shook off all doubts and headed to the Palace in a carriage. The kindness and tenderness he’d shown her gave her heart some solace.

She never thought an abhorrent sight was awaiting for her. Upon opening the central office’s door, she saw Leticia lying on his desk, her legs spread open, and Igor hovering over her in the middle.

She realized that was the reason why Igor had sent her to the villa. Tears filled her eyes, which impaired her vision, causing her to fall down the stairs.

Because of her clumsiness, she lost her baby and she was thrown into a cold prison cell. What was her crime? Because she came to see him? Only that, and they considered her a sinner?

She lost her will to live.

She willingly drunk the poison Leticia handed to her and took her life.

That was all she knew. She could still remember it all, vividly.

The circumstances were clear, so Igor could not make up any excuses. Was Igor lying? Making things up for her to foolishly believe? Or did he see her as the same ignorant girl she used to be?

In the end, Rihannan threw away her own letter.

With a deep sigh, she gave up trying to write a reply and let go of the quill.

If Igor had spoken the truth, Dimitri would come out victorious. She didn’t need to worry about his suffering due to a future carnage and bloodshed that would not happen. He’d live a happy and fruitful life.

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