“Chief, thanks for the help. In return, I’ll buy you macarons… It’s tough this month, but I’ll buy some when I get my allowance next month.”

“…You don’t have to worry about it. It’s natural for members of the same team to help each other out.”

“Still…”

This situation felt more like I was unilaterally receiving help from Estelle rather than us mutually assisting each other.

“It’s fine. …Besides, Ian.”

“Yes, Chief.”

“…Call me Estelle instead of Chief.”

“Huh? Why?”

Even if it was just the two of us in the club, I believed it was important to respect the authority of the chief.

So, inside the library, she was ‘Chief’, and outside, she was ‘Estelle’.

“…We’re not in the club right now; we’re working on a project as ‘team members’.”

“Oh, right. Got it, Estelle.”

“…Yeah.”

When I called her by her name, one corner of Estelle’s mouth twisted up slightly.

Seeing that mischievous smile, I began to think that Estelle might actually have a playful side to her personality.

“Shall we do the project then?”

“…Yeah.”

Sssk- Sssk-

As I worked on the presentation, Estelle offered me some advice.

“…Ian. It might be better to increase the size of that.”

“Like this?”

“…No, not that one, the one on the right.”

“This one?”

“Yeah… But don’t make it bigger, just a bit more vertical… Sigh…”

“…Sorry. Is this what you meant?”

“Stop… Don’t touch it anymore.”

Click- Click-

Frustrated by my inability to understand, Estelle, sitting in front of me, maneuvered her wheelchair closer to my side.

Swoosh- Swoosh-

“This is what I meant…”

“Oh! It’s definitely much easier to see now.”

Indeed, it was the skill of someone who was ranked second in the class.

The presentation material I had been struggling with became clean and tidy in an instant once Estelle intervened.

“…So, what do you think?”

“It’s really good. But placing this at the beginning might make it easier to understand, don’t you think?”

“Hmm… Right. Let’s do that then.”

Swoop─

As I took a breath, I could smell Estelle’s scent.

‘Why do all the girls around me always smell so good?’

Evelyn smelled like honey, Ms. Yuris like milk, and Laplace like snowdrops.

…Estelle’s scent was mint, perhaps? I didn’t smell it properly, but I remember it being very refreshing.

And Estelle, how should I put it? She had a unique newborn baby scent? Or maybe a pleasant fragrance reminiscent of powder.

‘I really want to hug her and sleep…’

Not in a sexual way, but I felt like I could sleep deeply if I just hugged Estelle and smelled the top of her head.

“…Ian?”

Then, I was brought back to reality by Estelle’s voice.

It seemed I was too focused on her scent.

“Yes, Estelle.”

But this time, I confidently met Estelle’s eyes as I responded.

As I did not have thoughts of Estelle in an obscene fantasy like last time, I purely wanted to sleep together!!

“…So, just asking without any particular meaning… Do you have any favorite fruits or something?”

“Fruit? Hmm…”

I was the type who didn’t really pick and choose as long as it wasn’t something bizarre like ‘mint chocolate’ or ‘pineapple pizza’.

“I eat pretty much anything. Nothing specific, really. If I had to choose, maybe lemon?”

“I see…”

“But why suddenly? Oh, is it for a gift for ‘Elise’s Day’?”

Although it was a comment made in jest…

Clunk-!

Estelle, with her eyes wide open, dropped her pen.

“…How… did you know?”

“Huh? It was just a guess. Was it true?”

“Ah….!….Uh….Well….As I said before…it’s just me wanting to take care of a fellow club member as the chief. But… since it’s a gift…it would be better to give something you liked.”

I was slightly moved.

I didn’t know Estelle thought so dearly of her club members.

“Thanks. Honestly, I’ve hardly received any ‘Elise’s Day’ gifts, so I’m a bit excited.”

“Hardly received? Didn’t Evelyn give you any?”

“Ah… Yes, Evelyn did give me some, but… how should I put it? It felt natural to receive from Evelyn…”

As I spoke, I felt somewhat deceitful…

But the thought of not receiving ‘Elise’s Day’ gifts from Evelyn was unimaginable.

“Well, anyway, I’ve really only received them very occasionally, aside from Evelyn.”

“That might be because Evel…”

Estelle began to say something then stopped herself.

“What is it? Why stop mid-sentence? You know it’s frustrating when you do that, right?”

“…It’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t seem like it’s nothing. You won’t tell me?”

“…Yeah, I don’t want to.”

“Really? Even if I ask like this…!”

Startled-!

I almost tickled Estelle like I used to do with Evelyn, relaxing without realizing.

“…Ian, what’s with that hand?”

“Ah… Estelle… There’s something in your hair.”

It wasn’t a lie.

Although I noticed it while talking, there really was something in her hair.

“…Where? Here?”

“No, not there… a bit higher…”

Swoosh- Swoosh-

After stroking her hair a few times, Estelle shook her head and said,

“…I can’t tell… Ian… can you remove it?”

“What? Estelle… I thought you didn’t like this kind of stuff?”

I’ll say it again, but I was a man who caught on very quickly.

Even though she never said it directly, I knew Estelle greatly disliked anyone touching her body or belongings.

“…Yeah, I don’t really like it. So… be careful… please.”

Swoosh-

With that, Estelle seemed to indicate the end of the conversation, closing her eyes and tilting her chin up.

“…..”

Maybe because I had been hanging out with Evelyn or Ms. Yuris too much recently, despite knowing otherwise, it almost seemed like Estelle was asking for a kiss.

“…Alright.”

I carefully reached out, making sure not to touch Estelle’s skin…

Rustle- Rustle-

“Ah..!”

The piece of paper was too close to her ear, and my fingertips brushed against it.


Seeing Ian reach out, I swallowed nervously.

I lied to Ian.

“….”

In fact, I knew there was a ‘piece of paper’ stuck in my hair.

Because I was the one who put it there.

Of course, I knew Ian wouldn’t be interested in someone like me.

…But I thought the kind Ian would surely remove it.

So, I deliberately explained it in a hard-to-understand way, naturally moving closer to him so he could see it.

At first, I was a little sad when Ian didn’t notice because he was too focused on the assignment…

But as soon as we started chatting about something other than the assignment, he immediately noticed.

Rustle- Rustle-

‘I’m sorry.’

I was happy to feel Ian’s touch on my hair but couldn’t be happy about it.

‘To not interfere with them,’ ‘to not be greedy,’ ‘to be content with just being by his side’

I decided not to hope for anything more…

Knowing that everyone who gets close to me ends up unhappy, yet I still wished to touch you.

It was a disgustingly selfish and ugly feeling, and self-hatred surged, but this brief moment with Ian would allow me to endure the lonely life ahead.

“Ah…!”

Then, I was startled as Ian’s touch grazed my ear.

To make such a perverted noise just because his hand touched my ear…!

I was afraid Ian would be disappointed in my ugly self.

“Ah, Estelle, are you okay?”

“…Yeah, I’m fine. Ian, did you get it off?”

“Yeah, here. It was a piece of paper. Where did it come from?”

“I wonder…”

Fortunately, Ian seemed not to mind.

“….”

Surely, Ian must have grown up in a loving family.

In a family like the one I once had.

If that family was still around, could I have approached Ian more confidently than I do now?

“…Ian.”

“Yeah. Estelle.”

“…What are your parents like?”

“Ah… Um….”

After asking, I could see Ian was flustered.

Perhaps he didn’t want to share his family matters with someone like me?

Crunch-

Thinking we had gotten a bit closer, I was too presumptuous.

“Sorry… I was out of line… Forget I asked.”

“No, it’s not that… I just don’t have any memories of my parents.”

“…What?”

Ian continued, scratching his cheek awkwardly.

“Actually, I’m an orphan. I was found collapsed in the snow at 5 years old and was rescued by the Marigold family. I must have hit my head because I don’t remember anything before being found… So, I don’t really know what my parents were like.”

“….”

It was something I had never even considered.

Ian was an orphan like me.

I naturally assumed someone as confident and vibrant as him would come from a loving family.

And then, a sense of revulsion came belatedly.

‘I…’

Could it be that my desire to know more, using ignorance as an excuse, ended up probing Ian’s wounds?

And…

Was I just making excuses?

Compared to Ian, who doesn’t even have memories of his parents, I was filled with happy memories left by mine.

…Yet, Ian and I were living completely opposite lives.

“Ian, I’m sorry. …I am ….sorry.”

“No, it’s really okay. It’s all in the past anyway. And though I don’t have parents, the head of the family and Lady Audrey have been so kind to me… Embarrassingly enough, I practically consider them my parents.”

“…Yeah.”

That paused our conversation for a while.

The usual Ian might have naturally asked about my family, but he probably knew about ‘the Blackdahlia family tragedy’.

I’ve never spoken of my family history to anyone, but it was a major incident that stirred the empire.

‘…Ah.’

As I was looking at Ian’s profile for a moment…

A sticky emotion welled up.

It was an emotion so vile and repugnant compared to what I felt earlier, one I could never convey.

But…

I finally found something that could make me more helpful to Ian than Evelyn.

‘…Ian.’

Being someone who has experienced the same pain…

I could share the pain that Evelyn, with her happy family, could never understand.

Thus, Estelle softly smiled to herself, calling Ian’s name in her heart.

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