I am the Queen

Aldrick lay on his bed, eyes closed. His chest rose up and down in silent cry as his lashes were heavy with tears. Another sob racked him, followed by a quiet wail. He curled on his side and cried.  It had been a week since the event with Angel.

Why was this happening to him? He was only giving out love, but the return was always heartbreak.

His cries were both ferocious and noisy. His hands opened and closed, clenching and unclenching. He wanted to kill Angel. A violent solution to his pain and suffering. But at the same time, he couldn't, for he loves her. He truly loves her. And the betrayal and truth only hurt more.

. . .

. . .

Then it was silent. Like his tears already dried, but his pain was unceasing. He had to see her. He had to know the truth from her mouth or else . . . his emotions would tear him apart.

Didn't care about his swollen red eyes and the snot on his nose, he got dressed and ran out from his apartment.

He ran and ran on the road he used to walk often. The familiar sidewalk that, even with closed eyes, he could navigate. And then he was there. In front of her house. Looking up at the window like he usually did in the past.

When his eyes landed on her, he wouldn't have to try, a smile naturally blossomed on his lips. But it was five years ago. This time it was different.

Only grief was on his eyes and sobs in his lips as he choked her name.

"Satele."

  ----

"Yes. Yes. I'm already dressed as we speak," Satele said, sighing through the phone in her hand.

"You better be. I'll be right there in one minute, so I expect you to welcome me in your room."

"No need. We'll go straight to the hospital, right?"

"What? Not even a cup of coffee?"

Satele's eyes rolled on the ceiling. "You are the one who is so impatience to go to Evangeline, remember?"

". . . Whatever! Just hurry, I'm almost at your house."

Satele shook her head and turned off her phone before Asher could speak another annoying word. She stuck her phone inside her bag and put on her shoes before she got out.

She zoomed outside but halted when it was not Asher who was waiting for her but her past.

"Aldrick . . ."

One look, and she knew that Aldrick was crying, and she knew that something was not right.

"Satele . . . why?" There was so much Aldrick wanted to ask, but he couldn't find the words. He couldn't as much as look at her without tears streaming down his face, and he sobbed into her chest. His hands were clutching her like she was her last air.

Satele's shock turned into understanding. She didn't have to guess. She knew what Aldrick was talking about. She held his shoulders as his tears soaked her dress. His pain was understandable. She felt it too and even more so as he was right in her embrace.

His cries came in waves only broken by short paused to take in breathes before he hurled back in her arms. He then pulled away a little, lashes heavy with tears as he looked into her eyes.

A tear slid down from Satele's cheeks as she cupped Aldrick tear-stained face.

"Let's talk somewhere."

  ----

"Have you calmed down?" Satele asked when Aldrick was silent for some time after they settled inside a private room of a café.

"Yes," Aldrick replied, voice dry and throat sore. He managed a smile though weak. "I'm sorry. I just . . . needed to see you."

"It's fine."

". . ."

". . ."

In the past, they have a limited amount of topics to talk about. And even if they were silent, the atmosphere was just right. But now, it was like meeting a friend after so many years.

Something that Angel took away from him.

"She told me all about it," Aldrick started, and he felt like crying again. "How could you not tell me?"

". . . You would have done the same if it were me." Satele reached out and squeezed Aldrick's hand. "You were full of dreams, and I wanted nothing more than to see you achieve it."

"Even if you know that I almost died when you left?"

". . ." Satele eyes shook at the thought. "I almost died at that time too."

. . .

. . .

Aldrick took in a large intake of air, and he slumped on the back of his chair. He brushed his hair with his fingers and said, "Can we . . . do-over? Can we just . . . start again?"

". . . Only if you still love me."

Aldrick's eyes wavered briefly. "And you? What about you? Do you still . . . love me?"

". . ."

". . ."

Silence descended. It was hard and thick that it was impossible to ignore until the waiters broke their steady gaze and served their food.

"I remembered that you like vanilla ice-cream with lots of cheese even though you're conscious of your weight. This is the café that we frequented in the past," Aldrick said, changing the topic with a forced smile.

The spoon on Satele's hand slipped. She looked at Aldrick, who was munching his food in a daze. She then didn't say anything more.

Eventually, they got out of the café and went straight into the park. Aldrick wanted to reminiscent the time he had with Satele and maybe . . . maybe it would awaken their feelings with one another that was once lost.

"I remembered you always took that catwalk street because you like to gaze at the clothes and bags," Aldrick said as he strolled side by side with Satele in the park.

"And remember our first date in the amusement park? You were enjoying those unicorns' merry-go-round like a little kid."

Aldrick laughed, but Satele wasn't laughing in the least.

It was nearing six in the evening, and the park was serene as the first spring came. Satele always wondered what it would be like when Aldrick finally learned the truth. She always dreamed that they would get back together once he knew.

And now, here they were, trying to get back what was lost and repair what was broken.

Came evening, and the emotions she killed for long years were emptied, and she was at peace.

"Aldrick," she called.

Facing each other, Satele smiled. "My favorite café is not that café we just ate. My favorite dessert is chocolate with marshmallows, not vanilla with cheese. Our first date did happen in the amusement park, but I never rode the merry-go-round. And I don't like branded clothes and bags, so I never went down the catwalk street."

". . ."

Aldrick was confused. "But we . . . I thought that . . ."

Satele shook her head, but the smile on her face didn't lessen. "No, Aldrick. We can't go back together anymore. It is clear that your heart and mind already belongs to someone . . . mine as well."

". . ."

A single tear slid from Aldrick's eyes, followed by another and another until a steady stream fell to his cheek and into the ground. He released all the emotions that had been inside him for all this time, but he still didn't make a sound.

At the same time, Satele was smiling, but salty water wouldn't stop falling from her eyes. "Go. This isn't the place that you should be."

Aldrick's chin quivered, and he embraced Satele so tight in his arms. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

Aldrick looked at Satele for a moment before he kissed her forehead. One last time. "Know that even if we moved on. There is always a part of you in my heart. And if ever I am asked who I love first, it would always be your name in my mind."

"Mm . . .. me too."

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