SD parked the car in front of a luxury hotel. He glanced at Sunye who looked a little nervous. She was clutching a box of birth control pills which she bought for herself on the way to the hotel but she looked very scared.
"If you're scared, we can go home," he suggested. "You don't have to do this, you know."
"I said, I want to," Sunye insisted. Yes, she was very scared. She had never been intimate with anyone in her life because she was too conscious about her heart. Many of her friends made fun of her for not having any experiences with men but she had never let it bother her because she wanted to give her body and soul to a person she would fall in love with. It was simply a matter of choice for her.
Her heart thumped against her ribcage. So far, she was unsure if her feelings for SD were simply a liking or were they something more. But after eight years of knowing him, somewhere in her heart, she knew that there would be no one else for her. They were like yin and yang, two different souls but somehow connected to only each other.
And one day, he would leave. Her heart knew that once he became blind, he would leave and never return. No matter where she would look, he was going to make sure she never found him. She did not voice her fears out loud but these moments were going to be with them then. She wanted to experience everything with him.
Love, hate, annoyance, fun, intimacy. There was no one else she could see herself with except for this man.
Was she scared? Yes. Did she want this? Yes.
SD took a sharp breath. He was afraid that she was jumping into something she would regret. What if her feelings were just a spur of the moment thing?
He had imagined being with her for years. Ever since they were children, he could only be with this one woman. They were separated for many years but that did not stop him from loving her. His feelings grew stronger with time and when he met her again on that night eight years ago, he could not separate himself from her anymore.
He took up all the jobs which led him to her. Even when she cursed at him or felt annoyed by him, he did not leave her side until one day, she got used to his presence. Everyday, he wanted to grab and kiss her, not let her go. He wanted to hug her, hide himself in her embrace so that the world would never find them again.
And now when she wanted to make love with him, he needed to know if she was serious or not.
"Think about it," he softly warned. "If we begin, I might not be able to stop."
He was giving her an intense gaze and flinching from her at all. His aura demanded her attention, his words were final. There was no hint of a joke in his words. Gone was his usual playfulness and he was giving her the choice to back out.
Sunye's mouth went dry. He meant it to be intimidating, testing her decision but for some reason she felt a little attracted to his words.
Am I a masochist? She wondered.
"Let's go in," she whispered. SD slowly blinked at her, not showing a hint of surprise. If she really wanted this, then he would make sure that it was a night she would never forget.
They slowly got out of the car and made their way towards the lobby. A receptionist greeted them warmly.
"Hello," she said. "How may I help you sir and madam?"
"A penthouse suite please," he requested, handing her a credit card. The receptionist nodded and processed the payment while Sunye was a little apprehensive. Penthouse suites were very expensive and he was throwing away money just like that for her!
She did not dare to say anything in public but once they stepped into the elevator, she turned towards him.
"Why did you take such an expensive suite?" she asked. "We'll just be here for…"
She was about to say they were going to be there just for sex but stopped herself because it felt too embarrassing. How did girls react when they do it for the first time with their boyfriends? Did they act cool or as flabbergasted as her?
SD leaned against the elevator wall and smirked. "If it was any other woman, I wouldn't have bothered," he said offhandedly. "But with you, I'd rather make it a memorable night."
He winked but Sunye was now even more nervous. Other women? Of course he had to do with other women!
SD had mentioned his countless flirtations with other women to her once but he clarified that those were part of his job. He had to mix with them and at times, even slept with some to needle out information from them. It was something he avoided at all costs but sometimes, it was inevitable. All of them were just one night stands and as soon as he got the information from them, he disappeared.
But he had more experience than her. What if she was really bad in bed and did not reach up to those women's levels? And what was SD's standard?
SD noted that she was nervous again and sighed.
"You really don't have to do this," he said again. "If you're not sure-"
But Sunye was not listening. She was busy wondering what to do once they were inside the suite. Should they start right away? Or do they talk about random things first?
Why didn't I read romantic novels in my spare time? She winced at herself.
The elevator stopped on the topmost floor. SD held her hand to keep her calm. Sunye felt a little grateful because her knees were getting wobbly. He led her to their room and unlocked it with the key.
Upon entering it, Sunye was awed. It was a two storey penthouse with a whole view of the city which twinkled underneath. There was a large infinity pool outside for the guests to enjoy the view. Inside were three rooms: the living room, the kitchen and a bedroom upstairs. The living room was floored with grey tiles with matching couch sets. On one side of the wall was a large wine cabinet full of expensive alcohol. The open kitchen was equipped with groceries and all necessities.
Sunye bit her lip. What am I supposed to do now? She wondered in dismay. What's the first move?
SD was still watching her. She was furrowing her forehead, worried about what was going to happen but he misread her worries as reluctance.
"Sunye," he began. "Don't force yourself, alright? We can just spend some time here and leave. Share a couple of drinks, laugh and go back home."
Eh? She blinked in confusion.
"I don't want you to do something you're gonna regret," he expressed. "If you're unsure of your decision, we'll leave right away and nothing is gonna change between us."
"No," she said firmly. "I'm not unsure. I really want us to do this."
SD was taken aback by her firmness but his heart skipped several beats. Was he dreaming? Did Sunye really want to be with him?
"If I was unsure, I wouldn't have said it," she went on. "Am I scared? Yes. But I'm not gonna back out."
She looked at him with clear, determined eyes. There was no hesitation in her voice at all. Their fates were already sealed.
"L-let's wash up first," he stammered, his face completely red.
"Y-you go in first," Sunye said. "I...want to enjoy the view for a while."
Suddenly, they were too embarrassed to face each other. Even with their constant flirtations, SD was tongue tied in front of Sunye. His earlier flirtations meant nothing to him. Those were part of his job and he never felt anything for those women at all.
But Sunye was the love of his life. This was a turning point in their relationship and once they took the plunge, there would be no going back for them. Was this why she wanted to take the next step? She felt the same way he felt for her?
He went upstairs, straight into the bathroom while Sunye sat on a couch, trying to calm her beating heart.
This won't do, she told herself. We can't act embarrassed like this.
Maybe SD was still thinking that she was unsure. What if he came out of the bathroom and backed out?
An idea came to her head but it would need a lot of courage. A lot of it.
Was it the heater in the room or something else, but suddenly, she felt very hot. Staring at the bedroom, she pulled her thoughts together. It was now or never.
SD was in the bathroom, washing his face. He sprinkled some water on his head, trying to cool himself down and think rationally. However, no matter how rational he wanted to be, his heart was excited that the day he had been dreaming for years had finally arrived.
But what if Sunye backed out? Would he be able to stop himself?
"SD…"
He turned around to find Sunye standing at the door. She was barefoot and fidgeting a little.
"I'm done," he said but she entered the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She slowly walked towards him, reaching out for her back to unzip her dress.
"Last time, Sunye," he said in a hoarse voice. "We both know we can't back out of this."
But Sunye reached for his shirt and one by one, began to unbutton his buttons.
"Let's not back out then," she whispered.
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