Heart of Darkness

Roxana wasn’t sure how long she cried in Alexander’s arms but she knew it was long enough that it had become night. They lay in the dark of her room. Her cries had now turned into choked breaths. Alexander rocked her lightly until she fell asleep.

In her dreams, she was reunited with her family. They were happy again, playing outside their small home. The delicious smell of her mother’s baked bread invited her and her sister inside. Her father also left whatever he was building outside to come and join them to eat and soon the kitchen was filled with laughter and joy until it was shattered.

Screams came from outside and soon she found herself torn from her family. The large man carrying her over his shoulder walked away with her as she watched her village burn down. She had desperately looked around for her family but it was difficult to find them in the frantic crowd of people running for their lives. Then she was thrown into a cage attached to a horse that rode away with her, taking her further and further away from her home.

Roxana opened her eyes. That wasn’t just a dream. It was a memory. There were many times after that time when she wished she was dead but the thought of her family possibly being alive was what kept her fighting. The whole reason she was living was to see them one day. She had even doomed herself to hell, by becoming a thief just to see them. What would she do if she found her sister and mother in the same state?

She shut her eyes again, wanting to go back to sleep. Being awake, being alive suddenly felt like suffocating. She pulled the blankets closer and the minty scent of Alexander reached her nostrils. She turned around, but no one was there.

He probably had to go back to his duties. With a sigh, she put her throbbing head down. She was about to force herself to sleep when she heard male shatter outside. Alexander’s voice was one of them.

What was happening? She pushed herself up from the mattress and left her room. Once she was outside she could hear the voice more clearly.

Fanny, Uncle Ben, and Alexander.  She also smelled fish head soup. Slowly she made her way to the kitchen and the men around the broken table that now lay without legs on the ground looked her way.

“Roxana, we have been waiting for you.”

She met Alexander’s gaze and he smiled at her. What was he doing here still? She then turned to Fanny. She could tell he had cried a lot as well.

Uncle Ben came to grab her arms and sat her down. “I made some warm delicious fish head soup for you.”

She kept her gaze on Fanny as she sat down. He forced a smile. Fanny had lost his parents at a young age. He told her he was too little to remember how he felt. He grew up with his grandmother who eventually passed away leaving him to take care of his sister and just like her, he had lost his sister when the power of their kingdom fell and plunderers took advantage of that time when there was no order in the kingdom.

Uncle Ben tried to cheer them up with some soup and some encouraging words but Roxana was lost in her own grief. She picked up the spoon and took a sip of the soup. She took another and another and soon the tears began to fall again. She looked up and they all looked saddened at her.

“It is alright. Cry all you want.” Uncle Ben told her.

Fanny was teary-eyed too. He went back to eat his soup, probably wanting to be strong for her and then Alexander. If not for the pain in his eyes, she would think he regarded her as usual.

She wiped her tears away and continued to eat. She didn’t protest when Uncle Ben poured her more and more soup. She tried to eat her sadness away but it wasn’t working.

When she was done this time she put away her spoon and looked at each of them. “Don’t you have work to attend?”

Uncle Ben waved dismissively with his hand. “I own the shop. I can open it when I want.”

“You have to be a reliable seller. It takes only for customers to be disappointed once to find another seller sometimes. You should go. I will be alright.” Then she turned to Fanny. “You should hurry too and Your Majesty…” She didn’t know why it pained her to look at him. She knew how he had lost his parents. Both of them in the worst way possible. Murdered. She shivered. Her pain was probably only a fraction of what he felt. Now, she felt uncomfortable crying in front of him.

“Thank you for staying but you should also go back. You have already been absent long enough. I don’t want to keep you from your duties.”

“You are not.” He said. “I am doing my duties.”

She wanted to protest but he turned to talk to Uncle Ben. “Uncle Ben. We don’t want you to lose customers. I will help you set up your shop while Fanny is here, getting ready for work.”

“Your Majesty?” Fanny looked up from his bowl. “I, uh..”

“Don’t worry. I will stay with Roxana.” He assured standing up and Uncle Ben stood up with him.

“Get ready Fanny. He is right. You shouldn’t miss a day at work. You are still new.” Uncle Ben told him.

Roxana nodded in agreement. She didn’t want any of them to miss work because of her and she convinced them with Alexander’s help. But who would convince him?

She just wanted to cry alone.

Uncle Ben patted her head before leaving. Alexander followed him also giving her a pat. “I will be back soon.” He said.

What was this? She smiled for a short moment at these silly men.

Fanny began to clean the table.

“Leave it.” She told him. “Go get dressed quickly.”

He looked between her and the table and then with lips pressed into a thin line, he left it to her.

Roxana quickly cleaned up and then curiously went to the window to watch Uncle Ben and Alexander. She couldn’t hear what they were saying but Uncle Ben seemed to give instructions on how to build the tent and Alexander put the pieces together. Then Uncle Ben went on to tell him about different fishes and how they should be best cooked and how they tasted. His favorite subject. Alexander was nodding and touching the fish sometimes when Uncle Ben told him to. Then they seemed to get into a deeper conversation. Now Alexander listened with a frown for a while and gave more firm nods.

What was he telling him?

“He is a good man.” Suddenly Fanny was beside her. “I approve of him.”

“Of course. I have good taste.” She smirked.

He smiled and then went to the front door. He paused and gave her a concerned look.

“Just go. I will be fine.” She assured him. “I want some time alone with the rare jewel I found anyway.”

“Right.” He said not believing her but he played alone. “Just remember it is a jewel. Not food.” He told her.

“Fanny!”

With a chuckled he hurried to leave. When he was on the dock he looked back at the window and waved at her. She waved back and then watched him leave. Her gaze returned to Alexander and Uncle ben. Now they were laughing about something. Such lovely laughter, she thought wanting to hear the sound as well. Everything seemed bright. It was spring and the warm sun was shining outside. The sky and the ocean were a vivid blue, the most beautiful sight. How could she feel so sad?

Uncle Ben already got his first customer and something happened after. People passing by stopped even if they didn’t intend to buy anything at first. Alexander was catching everyone’s attention and it took only a moment for the shop to be crowded. It soon turned from a crowd of men to a crowd of women wanting to bless their eyes with the king’s beauty. Roxana frowned watching some women giggle in his presence and buying more fish than they needed.

These desperate people. Really?!

Annoyed she left the ship and strode toward the shop. Alexander looked up from behind the crowd surrounding him, from all the people trying to get a chance to talk to him or be noticed by him. Women put on their charms, fanning themselves with their fans and pretending to like fish when they probably couldn’t even stand the smell.

Roxana went to stand beside Alexander, not realizing she was acting all possessive.

“Roxana? Why are you here?” Uncle Ben Wondered.

“I want to help.” She lied.

As if they needed help right now. Alexander only had to smile. “I suggest you buy at least five.” He told the woman and she literally listened to his suggestion. “I will take five then.” She smiled charmingly.

“Here. I will wrap them.” Roxana said snatching the fish out of Alexander’s hand. She quickly packed it just to make the woman leave but another woman had already begun to talk to Alexander trying to impress him with her money.

Roxana wanted to let out an evil laugh. Listen, woman, he has more money than you she almost spit but swallowed her anger. “I’ll take ten.” The lady smiled.

If not for Uncle Ben, Roxana would have exploded and asked all these females to leave. This rare jewel was not for display. He was hers!

She felt him stiffen beside her and they looked at each at the same time. Did she say that out loud? He wore the most satisfying smile as he went on to pack the woman her fish. “Come back soon. You can only trust Uncle Ben’s fish.”

“Of course.” She beamed. “I will only buy from Uncle Ben.” She pretended to like Uncle Ben but they all knew who she was trying to impress. These women were very bad at flirting. Really? At least do better. Ughh. Not that she wanted them to do better. She wanted them to leave!

Alexander became vicious this time. As if he wanted to finish the business at once, “buy all of it.” He told a woman.

That was a bad strategy, Roxana thought and he didn’t even say it with a smile this time.

“I’ll take all.” The woman said, causing Roxana and Uncle Ben to look at each other surprised. Once she bought all that was left, Alexander gave the others an apologetic smile. “Come by tomorrow.” He told them and they left disappointed.

“So, you are free now.” He told Uncle Ben.

Uncle Ben just blinked for a while. “I have seen all but this, you are much faster than Roxana and she is fast.”

“Oh,” Alexander said turning to her with a mischievous smile. “It seems like you are losing to me in everything.”

She shot daggers at him with her eyes and he chuckled.

“I can now spend time fishing instead.” Uncle Ben thought. “Go home. I will come by soon and make us lunch.”

Roxana stepped out of the tent. “I will go sleep then. Maybe Alexander would like to fish with you.” It came out more sarcastic than she intended.

“I have actually never gone fishing before.” He said turning to Uncle Ben.

So what? He was just going to leave her now? He preferred fishing instead?

Annoyed, she turned around and left.

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