Heart of Darkness

“Well, Roxana being jealous is something else.” Lazarus rested his legs on the sofa with his shoes still on and leaned back on the armrest. He had enjoyed himself too much during this trip.

Rayven poured himself and William some wine. “If she was just honest, she wouldn’t have to go through this.”

Lazarus and William gazed at each other and then Lazarus turned to Rayven. “Be honest and say what? I am a woman and I came here to steal from you? That is a suicide mission.”

“It is about trust. If she is honest, taking that risk and trusting in him then that would also prove to him something and stop him from being stubborn.”

“I agree with you but there is no trust. A lot of desire is going on but they haven’t established a deep bond yet where she feels risking it all is worth it. Even then I would say it is a stupid decision. Admitting you deceived someone would break their trust in you and have you killed. Not much of a romance story left to be told then, huh?”

Rayven sat down, putting his cup on the table. “Are you saying she should never reveal her identity then?”

“I am saying she won’t because she isn’t stupid. She has her family to find and a chance to live with them. Why would she choose death? And torture by the way.”

Rayven sighed. “Then what will happen? Because Skender is never going to reveal her identity either.”

“He might not, but he has a demon and that is a different story.”

“It is not much of a different story. I had my demon too. Denial is a strong thing. It can even be stronger than your demon.” Rayven said speaking from experience. “It is all the other emotions coming in the way. Guilt, hate, fear, hopelessness. It blurs everything else. It drowns you.” He took a sip from his wine looking a bit discouraged.

Lazarus had thought that Rayven’s own experience would make him more hopeful for Skender but it seemed to be the opposite. He knew how dark things could get and he was worried about Skender.

“I think Skender’s demon is different and I am not talking about the destroyer. He is an archdemon so his demon is naturally stronger. The urge to mark will also be stronger because of the heightened senses. He just needs a taste once and that will do something to him.”

“A taste?” William asked. “Are you talking about blood now?”

“Well, yes but not just blood,” Lazarus said. “As for the blood, the arch are closer to our ancestors. Their demons are more animalistic. Many of them still crave blood from time to time.” Lazarus paused a bad thought coming to mind. If Skender had an untrained animalistic demon, then once his demon began to have urges it would be bad. Really bad. And his destroyer might make things even worse.

Of course, a demon would never hurt their mate. Not intentionally and by their definition of hurting. It had been his plan to calm the destroyer with a mate, but that would only happen if Skender didn’t scare her away, which Lazarus wasn’t sure about if he went all rogue. Maybe he was wrong in his judgment and this wouldn’t be as easy as he had anticipated.

“Is something wrong?” Rayven asked.

“How difficult was it to control your demon once you had the urge to mate?” Lazarus asked him.

“It was very difficult in the beginning when I was in denial but then it wasn’t difficult at all.”

So the denial would make it even worse as if it wasn’t bad enough already?

Lazarus felt the familiar rush of air when Lucrezia arrived. How he used to hate this but now he was actually happy she came. He had questions for her.

“I see you are all engaged in Skender’s redemption.” She said going to sit down with them. “I am not complaining. I have been waiting for this day when some of you help each other. This is some real progress.” She smiled.

Progress it was indeed. There was a time when they couldn’t breathe in the same room as her. They hated her that much but with Rayven she had proved to them that her ways did work.

But would it work again? Skender’s case seemed to be too complicated. Perhaps she already had a solution to that.

“Skender’s demon. It is rogue.” Lazarus said.

“It should be but it is not as easy as that. He is also a destroyer and the destroyer seems to know things.”

“Is that good or bad?”

She shrugged. “I am not sure, but it isn’t called a destroyer for no reason. When alone, it will be destructive that is why it needs to merge with the good so there is a balance.”

Not good then. Hopefully, this wouldn’t chase Roxana away. Lazarus liked her and thought she was suitable for Skender. She brought out his playfulness that drowned under all the having responsibility pressure. She was also what his sloth needed, the missing of his demon that made him apathetic.

And wouldn’t it be fun if she became their Queen? He wouldn’t be as happy with someone else. He was sure after kicking his ass for all the deception on his part, they would be best of friends.

He had to make this work. “We need them to bond on a deeper level.” He said. The easier thing to work with right now would be the denial. The pain that held him back from loving again even if Rayven made it seem like that part was just as difficult.

“Indeed. But it won’t be easy. Do you have the patience?” Lucrezia asked.

“It can’t be that difficult for me to lose patience.”

She chuckled.

“There is one thing that will be common for all of you. For your change. For your redemption. And that is time. A crucial attribute of a punisher is patience. Many fail because they don’t have it.” She said. “He needs time to fight his own demons and find his own path. To face his fears one by one. To face the truth. It will be a painful process. Things will get worse before they get better, but that only means he went through all the necessary steps to find peace within himself.”

Now she wasn’t only talking about Skender. She was talking to him as well.

She looked him in the eyes. “Facing. Not ignoring. Not avoiding. Not denying.”

Facing?

To face things he would have to relive everything. Who was he to help Skender when he didn’t want to face his own demons? The thought of it alone made him sick. He was fine this way. There was no need to go back to the past.

Standing up from his seat.”I will get some rest,” he said excusing himself.

Facing the truth, facing fears, and going through pain was the process but while Skender would have to face being hurt by others, Lazarus would have to face that he hurt others. He didn’t know which was worse. He wanted to say his fears were worse but he didn’t know what it was like to be on the receiving end and he didn’t want to undermine others’ struggles.

Lazarus knew he wouldn’t have a problem being scarred and peeling his face because he didn’t care about his appearance. It wouldn’t be a punishment for him, while it was the worst thing that happened to Rayven. They all had burdens equal to what they could take. Punishments suitable for their sins.

He took himself to a brothel and spent his night in distraction and then in the morning he went to find his second distraction. Roxana. He was becoming obsessed with her and he didn’t know why he was being like this. He had been so close to strangling her when she analyzed his personality.

What did she call him?

Insecure. Someone with a fragile ego. Someone who used seduction as a tool to control and gain power. He was baffled that she could tell so easily as if she had seen all of the things that he had done. But he knew she didn’t or she would have looked at him with utter disgust.

Roxana was awake before everyone else. She was training or to be accurate, releasing her frustration by punching a sack. She still lacked fighting techniques and the way she was punching would injure her wrists and fingers.

Lazarus watched her from afar, curious to know how much more anger she needed to release and how much pain she wanted to receive. Would she realize what those strange feelings that harbored in her heart were? Perhaps she needed some enlightenment because while she might recognize desire, the jealousy and frustration that followed were new to her. And there might be a little more than just desire since she was so affected.

“Rox.” She turned around startled.

Her eyes darted in fear and he wondered why. She had a nightmare about being executed. She hadn’t expected for things to become so complicated but he couldn’t blame her for not knowing she was dealing with demons.

“My Lord.” She bowed. “You are awake early.”

Or he didn’t sleep at all.

“So are you.”

She smiled nervously and then scratched her neck. “I couldn’t sleep more.” She admitted.

“Is something troubling you?”

Her large eyes looked into his. “No.”

He tilted his head to one side and raised a brow. “You can tell me.” He told her. “I am on your side.”

She smiled not believing him the least but God, it was the truth.

“Thank you, My Lord. I am just worried about not being able to protect His Majesty.”

Hmm. Indirectly telling him that she was loyal to Skender.

“Don’t worry. He seems to be somewhere safe. King Isaac holds no threat. He plans to marry off his daughter to His Majesty after all.”

She nodded but she wasn’t worried about a threat in this kingdom. She was worried that the threat was among them and she suspected him the most, thinking that he was convincing her to let her guard down.

Oh, this woman.

“They look good together. Don’t you think?”

“They do.” She said he could see the slight twitch of dislike at the corner of her mouth.

“His Majesty has always preferred beautiful and smart women. She seems to be intelligent as well.”

She had no doubt. The princess’s father had been her medicine teacher. Now, she felt even more hopeless, and then she got angry at herself for feeling that way.

“Do you know what else he likes?” Lazarus asked getting her attention back. He made the shape of a curvy woman with his hands. She frowned at him and he laughed. “The princess is too slender. Perhaps that will change his mind.”

“His Majesty is not superficial.” She said defending him.

At least she recognized that.

“I am sure he isn’t. You seem more aware than I.”

Her eyes darted thinking that he was implying something. That he could have something to do with the rumors.

“You and I should have a drink once. Maybe go to a brothel and enjoy ourselves. I will pay for everything.” he told her.

She gave him a cold look that she couldn’t help before quickly covering it with a smile. “It would be an honor, My Lord.”

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