Guide on How to Fail at Online Dating

Chapter 114 - Bros who understand will type the word in the group chat.

Edited by Divetus

Jing Huan only remembered that he was still wearing his cat design pajamas when he got into the car. His mom had bought them for him. Although she looked like a workaholic, Mama Jing’s girly spirit had actually never died, and even her cellphone wallpaper was pink.

Although Jing Huan had resisted them, the pajamas’ texture was really comfortable. In addition, it counted as a compromise for him to wear them at home.

He silently wrapped his coat tightly around himself.

Xiang Huaizhi reached his hand over from the driver’s seat and pulled out Jing Huan’s pajama hood from underneath his coat’s collar.

Jing Huan: “…”

Xiang Huaizhi held the corner of the hood, fastened it on his head, and then pinched the cat ears, laughing, “These pajamas of yours…”

“My mom bought these for me,” Jing Huan said, abandoning trying to protect his reputation. “I’ve been wearing them for two years already. When I shaved my head in my senior year in high school, it kept me warm as I slept.”

As soon as they got in the car, both of their cellphones started vibrating nonstop from mostly all New Year’s blessing messages.

Jing Huan muted his cellphone, glanced at the time, and speculated about what time Xiang Huaizhi must’ve left his home. He asked, “Coming out so late, won’t auntie and uncle say anything?”

“No, I already let them know.”

“You don’t have to go make New Year’s calls tomorrow?”

“My dad had to go to a neighboring province for a last-minute thing, so it was cancelled.”

Jing Huan let out an “oh”, and had just wanted to ask more questions when a red envelope was handed over to him.

Jing Huan looked at the “study hard” words on the red envelope, and the corner of his mouth drew up. “En?”

“Didn’t you just give me a New Year blessing?” Xiang Huaizhi paused, “Just decided to come over, so I could only find this red envelope design in the house.”

Jing Huan laughed, “It’s not like you’re working yet, why are you giving out red envelopes?”

According to their societal rules, students who don’t have a job didn’t need to give out red envelopes.

“For my boyfriend.”

Jing Huan’s heart jumped, and he received the red envelope. “Then, don’t I also have to give you one?”

“No need,” Xiang Huaizhi said, rubbing his hair. “The older one gives it.”

Xiang Huaizhi was actually just a few months older than Jing Huan.

Jing Huan was amused by his mature tone. After putting the red envelope in his pocket, he got up to hook his arms around Xiang Huaizhi’s neck and gave him a big kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you, Gege mwah!”

Xiang Huaizhi had heard these words a few months ago, but at that time, it was through a voice changer, and it had made goosebumps rise all over his body.

When he heard it now, his heart was tickled.

He asked, “Where did you learn these words?”

Jing Huan leaned back in his seat and replied, “From a female anchor ah.”

“…” Xiang Huaizhi slowly turned his head.

Jing Huan was totally unaware of this and continued as he sighed, “But I can’t imitate them at all. Those girls’ voices are so nice to listen to; natural advantages, can’t compare at all.”

Xiang Huaizhi asked a bit frostily, “How nice?”

“Well, it’s just completely natural, totally different from my voice from the voice changer.” Jing Huan paused and said, “Maybe I was tricked when I bought my voice changer… But Xiao Yan recommended this seller to me, so it couldn’t be that ba?”

Xiang Huaizhi took a deep breath.

He came all the way here to spend the New Year with his boyfriend, yet his boyfriend started talking about some female anchor and now he was talking about some male anchor…

Jing Huan lamented, “But it’s not that easy to be an anchor these days. There’s a lot of the stuff I see in the barrage that just makes me angry from reading it; I don’t know how they could all endure it.”

“You really like watching livestreams?”

Jing Huan was just ranting a bit and paused at Xiang Huaizhi’s words before turning his head to look at him. “Not really…”

“Watch me.”

Jing Huan was stunned. “?”

Xiang Huaizhi tilted his head. “I’m also an anchor. You might as well just watch me instead of them.”

Jing Huan blinked a few times before he managed to react.

He held back his smile. “But the other anchors always send me kisses…”

“They’re just saying that,” Xiang Huaizhi reminded him.

“…”

“I’m different.”

“…”

Jing Huan couldn’t refute that.

The car was heated very warmly and Jing Huan felt comfortable lying down, slowly getting sleepy from all the food he had eaten.

After they chatted for a while, he laid his head on the side with a tired looking face.

Xiang Huaizhi glanced at the time. “Go back ba.”

Jing Huan let out an “ah,” then asked, “Then, what about you?”

“Will go home.”

Jing Huan was a bit startled. “You drove all the way here, just to see me?”

“En.”

“…”

No wonder he hadn’t started the car even after they had been sitting in it for so long.

Jing Huan didn’t move, and Xiang Huaizhi didn’t rush him.

If it wasn’t for his sleepiness, Xiang Huaizhi wouldn’t want to let him go at all.

A few minutes later, Jing Huan suddenly asked, “Do you have to go back tonight?”

Xiang Huaizhi instantly understood his meaning. “Not going to do New Year’s visits tomorrow, don’t have to go back.”

“Have you got your ID card?”

“En, it’s in my wallet with my driver’s license.”

Jing Huan let out an “oh,” then reached out to fasten his seat belt and licked his lower lip. “Well then… Shall we get a room?”

During the Spring Festival, everyone would go back to their homes, so the streets weren’t as busy as compared to other holidays, and that applied to hotels as well. The most popular hotel in the area even had two luxurious rooms with king-sized beds available.

Jing Huan stood behind and watched Xiang Huaizhi swipe the card to open the door. On the surface he seemed completely composed, but internally he felt like there were ten thousand horses galloping around his heart.

Fuck.

I got a room with my boyfriend.

Although we have lived together before, the words “get a room”, produced a certain feeling.

How do you pretend to be very experienced when it’s the first time you get a room with your boyfriend?

Waiting online, it’s a bit urgent.

While Jing Huan’s thoughts were completely disordered, Xiang Huaizhi took off his coat first.

“I’m going to go wash my face, got some snow on it.” Xiang Huaizhi put his computer on the table. “You can use the computer, the pin is 9999.”

Jing Huan nodded and internally thought, I got a room with you, who cares about getting on the computer?

As soon as Xiang Huaizhi entered the bathroom, Jing Huan immediately took out his cellphone.

He had snuck out of his house during the Spring Festival. He had to find an excuse. Thinking about it, there was only one that would work best.

Jing Huan found Gao Zixiang’s WeChat and sent several messages to him. However, the other party didn’t reply, nor did he answer his call.

He frowned and went on QQ to find him again. Most players who were addicted to online games also typically used QQ.

Looking at his old QQ name from a few years ago, Jing Huan had black lines all over his face..

Jing- : [ sends a nudge]

Jing- : Where are you? Urgent urgent urgent!

Xiang ~ Ge~: [Auto Reply: Desperately trying to kill the God of War! Do not disturb! Leave a message, will reply later!!!]

“…”

Half a minute later, Jing Huan turned on Xiang Huaizhi’s computer and logged into NCH.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Are you there? Urgent!!!

[Friend] Sheep Hair: Killing the God of War ah, what’s going on, talk.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Help me lie, tell my mom that I went over to your place tonight to hang out and won’t be home.

[Friend] Sheep Hair: ?

[Friend] Sheep Hair: First of all, tell me what you’re going to do instead, then I’ll decide whether or not I can help you. After all, Auntie’s wrath is too scary.

Jing Huan hadn’t wanted to say anything, but then suddenly recalled Gao Zixiang’s subtle jab of his loving affection in the WeChat group a few hours ago.

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Oh, it’s nothing serious. It’s just that my Ge came all the way here to give me red envelopes.

[Friend] Sheep Hair: ?

[Friend] Xiao Tianjing: Remember ah, don’t let it slip. I’ll invite you to dinner in a few days. I’m going.

Gao Zixiang was dumbfounded for a moment, and before he could say, “I’m doing a mixed apparel livestream”, Xiao Tianjing had already logged off.

Gao Zixiang’s livestream only had a thousand viewers. At this moment, his livestream’s barrage reached its peak.

[???]

[@Xiao Tianjing’s mom, is Auntie there? I would like to make a report.]

[Not returning home? So stimulating???]

[Fuck, I unexpectedly managed to witness the sequel here…?]

….

Gao Zixiang watched his livestream popularity soar from 1000 viewers to 3000 viewers in two minutes. After a moment of silence, he took out his cellphone and sent a red envelope to Jing Huan.

Jing Huan turned off the computer and saw that his phone lit up, but thinking that it was just another New Year’s blessing message, he locked the screen before directly putting it onto the bedside table..

He put on his hotel slippers and turned to walk into the bathroom.

Xiang Huaizhi had just washed his face and was wiping it with a towel. The strands of hair on his forehead were wet and disheveled from the water. When he tilted his head to look at Jing Huan, his whole bearing was chaotic and sexy.

Like Jing Huan, he wasn’t wearing much beneath his coat.

Last time at Xiang Huaizhi’s apartment, Xiang Huaizhi had also been wearing these clothes when he pushed Jing Huan onto the sofa and messed around with him while nibbling his ears.

Xiang Huaizhi only stopped his action for half a second and then continued to wipe his face. “What are you looking at?”

Jing Huan snapped out of it and said, “Nothing.”

Xiang Huaizhi hung the towel up, went to the door, and asked the person by the door, “Do you want to use the bathroom?”

It was New Year’s Eve, and both of them had already taken a bath. He could smell the scent of Jing Huan’s shower gel.

After just standing there for a moment, Jing Huan finally answered, “I’ve already taken a bath.”

Without waiting for Xiang Huaizhi to reply, he continued, “Also already brushed my teeth.”

Xiang Huaizhi laughed and replied, “En, I can smell it.””

Jing Huan asked, “What can you smell?”

“Shower gel.”

Jing Huan let out an “oh” then said, “Do you want to smell my toothpaste too? My mom bought it, it seems like strawberry flavor.”

…

At first, the two of them just kissed by the bathroom door. Later on, Xiang Huaizhi directly carried him onto the bathroom vanity.

Jing Huan lowered his head, twined his arms around the back of Xiang Huaizhi’s neck, and encircled him by crossing his legs behind him. The sounds he let out reverberated around the bathroom, and listening to it made Xiang Huaizhi’s throat completely dry.

After a moment, Jing Huan’s cat pajamas fell to the ground and got soaked by the streams of water on the ground. Afraid that he would get cold sitting there, Xiang Huaizhi took off his clothes and put them under Jing Huan.

Jing Huan was glad that he was sitting. His legs had gone soft, and he wouldn’t be able to stand at all now.

Xiang Huaizhi helped him the same way he did before. Jing Huan gasped and suddenly reached out to grab his wrist.

Jing Huan’s Adam’s apple rolled, and the outer corner of his eyes were tinged with redness after being kissed. He asked as though they were in the middle of a discussion, “Gege, how about today… we try something else?”

Xiang Huaizhi looked up at him as soon as he said that, and his eyes were full of forbearance. His state didn’t look much better than Jing Huan’s.

Boys in their early twenties were like lamp wicks, which burned with just a touch.

Xiang Huaizhi looked at him for a while, then lowered his eyes, reached out, and rubbed Jing Huan’s back. His voice was hoarse as he asked, “You want to try?”

“You don’t want to?” Jing Huan asked.

How could he not want to?

During those three days they spent at his place, Xiang Huaizhi had been waiting this entire time, always enduring.

Seeing that his head was still bowed and he wasn’t speaking, Jing Huan thought that Xiang Huaizhi was unwilling. He had just wanted to say something when Xiang Huaizhi suddenly bent down and went lower. Immediately after that, Jing Huan’s lower abdomen went numb, and his whole body seemed to have been electrified.

With a sudden jolt, he instinctively reached out to clutch at Xiang Huaizhi’s hair and gently pushed him. “Gege, what are you doing…”

His voice was trembling.

“I’m afraid that you’ll run in a moment.” Xiang Huaizhi said, raising his eyes. The side of his mouth shined with an unknown liquid. “I’ll make you feel comfortable first.”

Jing Huan’s heart was beating out of control. He thought, I won’t run, whoever runs is a fool.

In the hotel, everything they needed was already prepared.

After a long time, Jing Huan fell onto the bed sheets and tightly grasped the pillow with rare tears flowing down.

“I’m a fool, I was wrong…”

Xiang Huaizhi didn’t know what he was talking about. He relentlessly clasped Jing Huan’s shoulder and gently wiped away his tears.

That entire night, Jing Huan was unable to say a full sentence.

He called Xiang Huaizhi a bunch of different names.

First it was “Gege”, then it was “Xiang Huaizhi”, and finally it turned into, “Damn Yearning For”.

Xiang Huaizhi suffered his cursing but wasn’t angry. He raised Jing Huan’s chin and licked his Adam’s apple.

“Call me husband.”

–

After everything had subsided and Jing Huan was cleaned up, he motionlessly laid on the bed covered by the quilts, almost asleep.

He had never felt so tired in his life, and not just tired, but also sore… and greatly pleasured.

All kinds of feelings were intertwined together, it was really deadly.

Xiang Huaizhi came back out after washing their underwear, and the person on the bed had already fallen asleep.

He laid on the bed and checked over Jing Huan one last time. Only after Xiang Huaizhi was sure that Jing Huan was okay, did he move the laptop over to the bed and turn it on.

He couldn’t sleep at all, so he might as well finish his dailies..

The moment he logged into the game, he received a friend message.

[Friend] Don’t Ask when I’ll Return: Great God, Happy New Year!

[Friend] Yearning For: En.

[Friend] Don’t Ask when I’ll Return: You came on just in time, we’re still missing two people for the Phoenix instance, do you want to come? This instance is simple, you can log into Xiao Tianjing’s account and just AFK. .

[Friend] Yearning For: Alright.

The instance started, and the team was full of acquaintances. It was New Year’s Eve, and everyone was excited. Although it was late at night, there were still many people online.

[Team] Sheep Hair: [shocked] Xiang Ge, it’s so late… Why did you still go online?

[Team] Yearning For: ?

[Team] Don’t Ask when I’ll Return: Great God, is Xiao Tianjing not there ah?

[Team] Yearning For: Sleeping.

There was a strange silence in the team.

[Team] Half Life: Then, can you ask him if he wants to do the Lion King event with me tomorrow morning?

[Team] Yearning For: Won’t do it, he just fell asleep and probably won’t be able to get up in time.

The team channel now went completely silent.

Xiang Huaizhi raised an eyebrow and thought that the chat channel was very peaceful tonight.

In a group chat that he couldn’t see, there were 99+ new messages.

The Wind Blows Gently: Fuck, Xiao Tianjing went offline around 12 a.m., and now it’s 4 a.m but he just fell asleep…?

Don’t Ask when I’ll Return: Don’t say it, everyone who is going to understand already does. Bros who understand will type the word in the group chat.

Half Life: Understand.

Is Gege Big: Understand.

Peachy Fate: Understand.

Love is For You to Eat: Understand.

Sheep Hair: Understand but… frankly speaking, I’m going to get killed by them tomorrow ba? I didn’t mean to ah.

Half Life: Just killing you in-game is letting you off easy. You can apply to transfer schools now ba, it’s not too late.

Sheep Hair: ?

Half Life: Restraining my grief.

Don’t Ask when I’ll Return: Restraining my grief.

Love is For You to Eat: Restraining my grief.

Peachy Fate: Restraining my grief.

—

Juurensha: ….XHZ, you had the right idea at the beginning, but later on, you should have stopped when he was crying!!! (This is why I had to write that NSFW fic) I think it was the implied BJ of this chapter that got it locked, but we still have it here, hahahaha

Divi: Wow that went from aw Huanhuan got cat pjs to, they got spicy!!! Don’t like that trope of having to cry for your first time, or anytime… if you’re crying from pain… that’s not the way to go. Laughs at Huanhuan basically telling everyone what they did.

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