Flowers of Worship

Chapter 6

What did surprise me was that the duchess kneeled on the floor before coming in and fell into her thoughts. She had braided her hair at the back of her head so it wouldn’t bother her; however, there were many strands that had come loose as if she wasn’t yet good at doing her own hair, despite that there was a strange charm to it that made her even more beautiful. The moonlight, her crimson red hair, and her troubled face, that had serious expression a while ago, now had lips slightly raised as if smiling, the curve of her lips seemed genuine.

I didn’t think she would come just to kneel there forever, leaving me hanging without any sort of contact. I approached carefully and opened the door, I thought she’d just laugh and disappear like a fairy. Even though it was her who visited other people’s bedrooms in the middle of the night, I still moved with my feet as if it was I who didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want to surprise her as she looked like a butterfly that I felt would fly away at any moment.

When our eyes met, her golden sword gently glimmered under the sudden rays of moonlight.

“You weren’t sleeping.”

“…….”

“Your Grace, how far back do you remember?”

I didn’t answer. I was startled by her direct question and felt it was rude. It was a matter of life and death to me. You want me to give you a truthful answer in exchange for you providing me a bed and meal for only a day, while I’ve been beaten and swung around like a slave for years? My face must have been full of vigilance since she sighed and jumped into my room. I stepped back a little while she closed the window. It was a little saddening that the only way I could defend myself, even when my guard is at its peak, is to retreat, I then stepped back once more.

“Your Highness the Crown Prince.”

She looked back at me searching my eyes for the truth. I tried to play the role of a fool again, which I’ve acted as one in the past, but I became embarrassed, so I suddenly couldn’t think of how to do it. How did I act in such a role before? I think it was good enough just to stutter and laugh like a fool.

“I beg your pardon. Your mother died of a serious illness the year after His Majesty’s death,” She uttered as soon as I blinked giving my best effort to convince her of my innocent child façade.

At that moment, I couldn’t say anything. My heart seemed to have stopped. Of course, I thought my mother would still be in the palace. I thought I’d be able to meet my mother and hug her as long as I returned to the palace.

I was on the verge of rage when I reflected, why isn’t she looking for me or going to any lengths at all to make herself forgiven.

She’s dead?

“Your father also died last year.”

Why didn’t my father find me?

I always wondered about my father’s affection. I was worried that he might have forgotten me. Did he hate me, his very own son? Maybe he didn’t like me at all. Maybe I wasn’t good enough? Not a moment passed where my mind wasn’t clogged with such thoughts, but I never imagined that my father would have died or that I would become an orphan.

Tears welled up in my eyes.

I couldn’t cry. Then I would admit everything, and even though I knew it, I couldn’t piece the shards of my heart back together with my two little hands.

I’m an orphan.

I’m an orphan, no one’s looking for me.

My knees buckled, and I crumpled on the ground. The thought that I should not cry made a warning sound in my head, but I couldn’t help it, the tears continued to spill out.

“Ahhhhhhhh!” When I screamed, the woman quickly embraced me and covered my mouth. Her meaning, that I shouldn’t alert others to the noise. I can’t even cry. The world doesn’t even allow me to cry. Until now I didn’t know of my father’s death nor my mother’s.

Millions of questions crowded my mind: why my father wasn’t worried about me, was my mother sick because of me, why I had to go through this, and who made me look like this. The truth is, I didn’t want to ask anything. It was so painful that I didn’t want to think about anything. I just wanted to keep crying. I felt suffocated.

My body trembled. I just wanted to die.

I thought everything would have worked out properly if I simply endured it. I wish I had died in the first place if this was how it’s going to end. I wish I had died back then.

The woman sat on the floor with me. She held me in her arms. She took her hand off my mouth and put it on my back when I cried. I don’t know how much I cried until I felt palms patting on my back. I gasped and cried until my racing heart finally calmed. My nose was stuffed and my face hurt. The woman’s clothes, an expensive Hararan, were completely ruined by my tears. Nevertheless, the woman just patted me as if nothing had happened, is she being so nice to me because I’m a prince? But am I even still a prince?

“Who sits on the throne now…”

When I asked her in a na

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