Experimental Log of the Crazy Lich

Chapter 236: Going Home

Translator: imperfectluck Editor: Pranav

“Good morning, Amelia. It’s delightful to be able to see you again.”

I had a smile as bright as the sun and felt delighted from the bottom of my heart. I gave her a warm embrace. For Amelia who wasn’t prepared for all this, it was basically like an irresistible toxic poison. Amelia’s face was so red from embarrassment that she didn’t even know what she was thinking or saying anymore.

An embrace? That’s right. Amelia was currently completely “naked,” with only a cape covering the most important parts, lying in my arms.

“Let me go!”

Amelia finally noticed the situation that she was in, and she began struggling as she hadn’t mentally prepared herself for the next step yet or to get married.

“Don’t move!”

A low angry roar suddenly stunned Amelia. This was the first time that Roland had ever gotten angry at her, and Amelia paused in stupefaction as she watched his face getting closer and closer to her.

“Could it be that he wants to... at such a place?”

Roland seemed to be checking something as he lowered his head, and Amelia’s heart was filled with shock and disbelief as his familiar face got closer and closer. However, her entire body felt so soft that she couldn’t work up any energy.

She mysteriously lost the willpower to resist, and could only watch his familiar face continue to get closer to her. She allowed him to randomly touch her body as he pleased.

“...There still hasn’t been a confession yet; I’m definitely not someone who’s so casual! At least—at least there needs to be a confession first, and I need to be mentally prepared! I hate perverted things the most!”

She didn’t know how, but she somehow recovered some strength and viciously slapped Roland. If Amelia had been just a normal girl, it would have been an ordinary reaction of embarrassment, but a certain witch always possessed mysterious strength. This reaction of embarrassment was more than enough to kill a dragon.

“It’s good that you’re still in good condition and awake; now hurry up and control those rampaging... ah!”

Alright, I was unlucky enough to be treated as a pervert and sent flying by her mega slap before Amelia had regained her senses and noticed what was going on. I hadn’t been able to finish speaking.

“...Since you’re awake now, stop watching already! Hurry up and control those wild plants that are chasing after us!”

Amelia’s three Virtues, the huge Roland treant, the rose garden, and everything that was capable of moving had followed me. If Amelia had woken up just one tiny bit later, perhaps I would be nothing more than plant food.

Amelia was the core of this forest. Since her consciousness’s core had been taken away by me, it was basically the same as someone grabbing away her heart. Naturally, every single magical plant in this forest would furiously chase after me and attack me in an attempt to steal back its heart.

After figuring out her own misunderstanding, Amelia really wanted to go hide herself in a hole somewhere, while Harloys casually said a sentence.

“Heroine, you read too much into things.”

Alright then, when Amelia discovered that there truly was someone else who saw through her intentions, Amelia really did attempt to dig a hole to bury herself in.

Since I went flying, it was only natural that the cape covering Amelia ended up falling to the ground. Amelia reflexively attempted to cover herself with her hands, but although she was “naked,” that was only her upper half. Her entire lower half from the waist down resembled roots, and scales that resembled tree bark also covered her body. It was obvious that she was no longer fully human.

When the witch took a glance at Roland who was flying in the air and saw how he couldn’t possibly see the way she looked, she heaved a sigh of relief for a reason unknown to herself.

With Amelia’s awakening, everything around us slowly returned to normal.

The forest started contracting, and all its parts combined back together with her. All these magical plants transformed back into seeds and Concepts, and soon, a brand-new Amelia was reformed. This entire area was now covered with her hair’s green strands, which transformed into a grass carpet that absorbed this magical forest.

“Here, wear this.”

Harloys helped Amelia put on that white cape that had fallen off earlier, while Amelia unhesitatingly put it on without worrying about her nakedness. As for Roland? I was busy figuring out how to dig myself out of the hole I was now buried in from the impact of flying.

“Why am I the one that’s always injured?” When I finally managed to crawl out of the hole, I barely got the chance to complain before both Harloys and Amelia rolled their eyes at me while adding insult to injury.

“You deserve it.”

“It’s all your fault.”

Although I didn’t know exactly what had happened just now, I was obviously doing a good deed for once, making it through all those forest levels with great difficulty and being chased all the way. But then I mysteriously got beaten up and then had both of them glare at me.

I kept feeling like I accidentally pissed someone off. Could it be that the entire universe hated me? Why do I so easily choke while drinking water or randomly trip over on flat ground?

However, I felt relieved at seeing how Amelia was fine in the end. After all these years, I didn’t have many old friends left alive, and out of the living people I knew, there were more enemies than friends... Why do I keep feeling I’m so pitiful the more I go on about it? I do have some friends, after all, even if I didn’t contact them in a few centuries (Kaid: You bastard, you probably just forgot about me), as well as my bro, even though he sliced me twice (Adam: Do you intend to remember that forever?), and even relatives (Karwenz from the Abyss: Brother, are you calling for me?). Oh right, I even have a girlfriend as well (Elisa who’s currently sharpening her sword: Heh heh, I’m waiting for you to come back.)

Alright, in order to avoid spreading salt on my own wounds, I should stop giving examples. In this day and age, chuunibyous were the most popular, lone wolves were the mainstream, harem protagonists would be bestsellers, and something like friends were completely unimportant... I’m definitely not jealous or anything of people that have lots of friends. Yep, I have plenty of friends, including in this Earth Elemental Plane, such as Kaid—such as a certain Kaid— such as... such as Beifeng...? [System: Are you asking me?]

Just thinking about Beifeng and his new friend that was several hundred meters long, I unhesitatingly eliminated him from my list of possible friends. I did my absolute best to bury him within the deepest recesses of my memory. Alright then, it should be about time for us to leave the Earth Elemental Plane anyways, so why don’t we just leave? Beifeng? Who’s that? A local resident here? I have no impression of him at all.

“Isn’t that too heartless of you? Didn’t he just help you out?”

“I did want to reward him, so what do you think of the title “Mist Alliance Eastern Mist Communal Country’s highest-level diplomatic officer slash head military officer slash immigration officer slash translator slash janitor to the Earth Elemental Plane? I think that’s an excellent title; he should be more than happy to stay behind in this world to enjoy life with his new companions.”

This wasn’t even a joke. After any battle would typically be post-combat dealings to discuss the future benefits to be gained from the territory, and after paying so much of a price here and killing Emordilorcan with great difficulty, would we leave just like that? Giving these benefits to be gained to someone else? That would be an obvious waste.

With evidence that various other organizations had set up camp here, this Earth Elemental Plane that seemed like a wasteland was actually a treasure trove of abundant resources. Pretty much any tiny rock that could be picked up was valuable as long as someone was willing to make the effort. Having outposts here was valuable to every faction.

Let’s use the Mage Country’s outpost, Karo City, as an example. In order to defend against the fearsome sandstorms, the spell array for the anti-sandstorm barrier cost a significant amount to maintain, and the highest-ranked city guardians had to have high combat strength, not to mention the cost of dimensional transportation. In order to create at least a medium-sized outpost, which could collect and mine materials and transport them back to the mortal plane as well as have sufficient military strength to deal with potentially dangerous situations, the cost for all this would be astronomical.

It was obvious that neither the Mist Alliance, which was still under construction, nor the dirt-poor East Mist Communal Country would be able to pay the large price required to establish an outpost here. However, by the time the Mist Alliance really did need the resources here, the most valuable territories in the Earth Elemental Plane would likely have long since been claimed by others. Wanting to take over territory then would probably be extremely impractical.

“That’s why, Beifeng, your task is to establish our territory. You don’t have to do anything at all; you just have to let others see you around.”

Yes, this was an outright grabbing of territory. As long as Beifeng took his Sand Worm army with him and went around, making it known that he was claiming this land, I had confidence that the other factions wouldn’t dare to try using force to compete with us for territory.

Well, it was a good idea, and my plan was a solid one. But whenever something involved Beifeng, things would always get distorted in the end...

Afterwards, I endlessly regretted my decision. As I expected, it was completely wrong of me to put any hopes upon Beifeng. That guy didn’t stay in the Earth Elemental Plane for long before he came up with an abnormal idea to deal with the task I gave him; his idea even caused damage to my reputation.

What did he do? He created countless numbers of signs that he hung on his Sand Worms and other followers: “Mist Alliance Eastern Mist Communal Country Earth Elemental Plane Vice Immigration Officer” was an ancient sand dragon that was charmed by him, “Mist Alliance Eastern Mist Communal Country Earth Elemental Plane Head Immigration Officer” was a large earth spider of some sort, and various strange creatures all received signs indicating their positions from him. In the end, the entire Earth Elemental Plane became their campground, the legendary land of Beifeng’s cult.

It wasn’t limited to that. Since I casually gave Beifeng the authority as the head of everything here, he really did have the authority to give out other positions, which was how all these strange creatures became part of the Mist Alliance. Later on, when we had time to spare to develop this area, not only did we have to deal with the fact that all other factions looked at us as if we were aliens, there was also the fact that our new allies were quite strange as well.

“What? This Sand Worm is my boss? Does he even know how to do anything other than eat and dig holes?”

“There’s no helping it. According to the structural organization, he is indeed your boss, but we can just pretend he doesn’t exist... Think of it from a different angle—having this type of boss is pretty nice; at the very least he won’t randomly tell you what to do. Yep, just think of it like that; otherwise, you’ll get angry like your predecessor and spurt blood.”

This wasn’t even all that bad, since at the very least that Sand Worm was quickly fired from his position due to “competition” for his position and not fulfilling his position’s duties. The other original residents of the Earth Elemental Plane were actually assiduous and did their best, performing even better than the government officials that we sent. Not to mention that on top of their excellent work performances, they were more used to the local environment to begin with, which made me speechless.

The final result was that this location became the home of both native elemental creatures as well as species from outside. I even had to prepare tours to the mortal planes as rewards for the most outstanding workers, which caused a huge amount of trouble and became a joke in others’ eyes. Just look at some examples—I had to prepare an onsen [1] 1 as well as a large brush for a mega-sized elemental giant. I had to also help a sand dragon enjoy his own personal snow skiing adventure... If I ever learn which bastard told them about such experiences, I swear that I’ll exile that person to the Earth Elemental Plane to shovel sand for the rest of his life!

And the most troublesome of all was that a certain Dracon spread all sorts of nonsense here and left behind a huge religion of True Love behind him, which became a toxic burden that spread across countless planes. And as the creator of this religion, he became a wanted man by numerous factions, and at the same time this place actually became that strange cult’s holy place of origin and main headquarters. Countless numbers of weird creatures started visiting here in order to pray to and trade stories about “Beifeng.”

Yep, by that generation, Beifeng even became a specialized forbidden word, and as for just what his name meant... cough—cough—good children don’t need to know.

I was always the butt of numerous jokes because of this. When I finally couldn’t tolerate it anymore and intended to choke that damned Dracon to death, he already ran off to who knew where. As for his “head of everything” position that actually somehow became real? He had forgotten it long ago. He never worked for more than a few days to begin with before a new “beauty” took away all his attention, so he ended up playing truant to the work he should have been doing for all these years.

Cough, I should stop talking about future events now. At the very least, I was highly satisfied with my decision at the time. Apart from this person before me whose ability to survive was stronger than even cockroaches from the planet Mars [2] 2 , I couldn’t think of anyone better for this job.

“Go take that duck of mine and stop it in the area that I marked out. I doubt that anyone will dare to move it. Relax, when have I gone back on any of my promises? If you do a good job, I’ll reward you with everything I promised. Yep, you’re now my head officer in charge of everything here, so do a good job for me!”

After I finally got rid of the troublesome Beifeng, I turned my attention to Harloys and Amelia who were waiting for me next to the dimensional teleportation gate. They seemed to be in a rush to return to the mortal plane.

“Let’s go back already; I have several new experimental research projects that I want to undertake.”

The tall and slender witch had already recovered her typical gentle aura, and she was naturally reading a cooking guide (Complete Edition on How to Poison Others) under a parasol. It seemed like she didn’t care about anything at all, but compared to her previous distant aura, I kept feeling like there was something additional in it.

“Is there any use in telling Beifeng so many things? Do you really think that he’ll do as you want? I can guarantee that the moment he gets tired of the creatures in this plane, he’ll run off immediately.”

Alright, Harloys’ opinion happened to match mine exactly. But hey, you fake loli, could you stop eating candy on my neck? Even if you have to eat candy, don’t talk while eating! You’re dripping saliva on my head! It’s so sticky!

“We’ll just have to do the best with who we have. Right, Kaid, it’s enough to take us here, you don’t need to...”

I knew that I had wasted my words. This old lolicon was currently in a stupor as he stared at the loli on my head, seeming to have lost himself. Judging by the fact that he had such a foolish expression with a lollipop in each hand, he had completely ruined his own image as an archmage.

At the very least, his disciples behind him were all covering their faces, not daring to look at him. Some of them were even beginning to wonder if they had signed up under the wrong teacher back when they were choosing.

After some hesitation, I decided against telling this old lolicon that the loli on my head that he was staring at so happily was Teacher Harloys who was famous for being strict back in the day and who even failed him on one of his exams. She punished him by making him hang a sign on his neck indicating his exam failure while hanging upside-down in the plaza. I’ll refrain from telling him, so that he could have at least this beautiful memory.

“Cough, why are you being so polite, actually rushing over to return my money. I’m delighted that you’re going to pay off your 30,000 gold debt to me. How about I give you a discount. Since it’s not that easy to carry around so many gold coins, you can just give me one of the gnome bank’s gold exchange tickets...”

“It’s only three gold coins! No, that’s wrong, it’s not even a single gold coin! I was almost fooled by you! I finally remember now, you were the one who owed me money! Why did it become that I owed you money!”

“Tsk! Stingy. You finally remembered the moment that you heard about money. Let us forget about such small matters.”

“...Why didn’t you forget about it, then, and you even dare to say such things! You were like this way back in the day as well...”

While chatting about the past, we couldn’t help but chuckle out loud. A meeting between old friends would always end in wanting to chat a lot when it was time to separate. In the end, with Amelia urging us to end things with the look in her eyes, we finally said our goodbyes.

“Oh right, my shift here in the Earth Elemental Plane is almost over. If you have the free time, come find me at the Cloud Tower. There’s news from there that some majorly important person is looking for you, and it’s apparently good news for you. Your teaching certificate is real as well, so you can just enter the Cloud Tower normally.”

After we said our goodbyes, the final sentence he left me with surprised me, but the dimensional teleportation gate had already been activated. I waved my hand to indicate that I heard him, as there was no need to say anything else.

“Goodbye, old fellow. Live long, so that we can meet each other again.”

As the purple light of dimensional teleportation magic enveloped us, I looked around at the people accompanying me one more time. Amelia had long since prepared all her luggage, while Harloys had taken all of Kaid’s candies and was enjoying her sweets. They seemed to be more than ready for our next target as they eagerly awaited the end of the dimensional teleportation.

Note:

1. An onsen (温泉) is a Japanese hot spring and the bathing facilities and inns frequently situated around them.

2. A reference to the manga Terra Formars.

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