Dungeon Defense (WN)

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“Hah……haah, hah…….”

Riff was completely out of breath. Has he ever ran as much as he had today? Riff ran so much that he remembered the time during his childhood when he ran for dear life after encountering a pack of wolves while he was out gathering firewood. He ran deep, deep into the forest.

“This far should be enough.”

Compared to Riff, the mage seemed relaxed. She had taken care of the couple of goblins that had been chasing after them.

“Haah!”

Once he heard those words, Riff dropped to the ground. He flopped over almost to the point of rolling. The ground was bumpy with rocks and roots, but he didn’t have the energy to be concerned about those things. His heart felt so bloated that he thought it might explode and his lower stomach hurt greatly. This was because he hadn’t run properly.

“Tsk tsk tsk. What a sloppy man. This is why women are better than men.”

“Hk……hah, hah…….”

“The love between a man and a woman is inferior and the love between a woman and a woman is noble. The love between a man and a man is somewhere in between, but it’s only better because it doesn’t interfere with women. Here you go.”

The woman held her staff above Riff’s face like a fishing line. Water started to flow out of the end of her staff once she muttered something quietly.

“Ah. Open your mouth. Aah.”

“Ugggrgl……pbbh.”

“There you go. You look like a fish.”

Riff waved his hand weakly. The women continued for 5 more seconds even though she knew what that gesture meant. However, once she saw that he didn’t react any further than waving his hand, she clicked her tongue and put away her staff.

—Mii-n, min, minmin.

The final cries of cicadas filled the forest. Riff’s consciousness felt distant. His sense of balance was faint and he felt dizzy as if his head was filled with hot steam. The woman kept talking excitedly next to him, but her words didn’t enter his ears properly.

It might have been because of the cold water that had entered his mouth, but his senses were slowly returning. At that same moment, he began to comprehend what the woman was saying.

“He’s been looking at the battle from a different perspective since the beginning. Hey, Mr. Leader. You only thought about conquering the Demon Lord Castle, right?”

“Hah……of, course…….”

“Yeah. You must’ve.”

She nodded.

“In the first place, Demon Lord castles are like that for adventurers. It’s the same for Demon Lords as well. Demon Lord castles are something you have to protect from being conquered, that’s the gist of it. But that Dantalian is different!”

She whispered excitedly.

“Dantalian was looking beyond his Demon Lord castle while the adventurers were busy focusing on it. He was looking right at the adventurers. He knew that it didn’t matter where he fought the adventurers as long as he could defeat them. Keke, should I call it a different plane of thinking? He’s not a foe that a person who used to be a lumberjack can handle.”

“This fucking bitch…….”

Riff weakly clenched his jaw.

“Different plane of thinking, my ass. Fuck, all that bastard Demon Lord did was run away from a disadvantageous battlefield cause he’s a coward.”

“Oh?”

“Look, we were able to take that Demon Lord fucker’s money because of that. Although we lost all of it other than my share because everyone died……in any case, that guy is a cowardly and stupid bastard.”

“I see.”

The woman looked down at Riff coldly as if she were looking at a fat fly.

“This is why men suck. Instead of thinking that they lost because they were outmatched, they think they lost because of their own blunder. Hey, you grain of rice that can only use its head as a washbasin, he didn’t run away from a disadvantageous battlefield, he deliberately chose a battlefield that’s advantageous for him. Do you not understand that? Tsk tsk. Furthermore, you sure talk a lot for someone who couldn’t have gotten into the Demon Castle’s vault if it weren’t for my magic.”

The woman let out a sigh. She lost interest in Riff.

She stretched like one of the fir trees next to her.

“Yup. Getting some fresh air for the first time in a long time is nice. I get the desire to live my life only saying refreshing and right things today. This might sound a little insane, but even I want to live my life speaking elegantly and civilly. I’m serious. I’m in a good mood since it’s been a long time since I last saw a great strategy.”

“…….”

Until now, Riff thought that the mage was a pushover with flowers in her head. He had no other choice but to change this perception of his. The person in front of him kept chattering on endlessly, and to make things worse, she kept muttering to herself even though she had no conversational partner.

“If I trace back to when the adventurers made a mistake, then it’s the fact that they went out of their way to pillage other villages. If I trace back even further, then it’s the fact that they never expected the villages would become the main battlefield. This is because of their fixed idea of Demon Lord castles. Hm, thinking about it now, I have a rough grasp of why he used the goblins as his main force.”

“Upsie daisy.”

Riff struggled to push himself up. He felt like if he left her alone, then she would review what happened eternally. He had recovered his senses somewhat, so he had to run away even further in case they still had pursuers.

“After this battle is over, there will only be 7 human villages left on this mountain range. Adding to that, all 7 villages are allies that obey Dantalian. If it becomes like that, the goblins would outnumber the humans. Even if you combine all 7 villages, they’ll barely have 300 people while the goblins have 400 fighters alone. They wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Dantalian did his best to intentionally diminish the number of goblins, the mage concluded.

“While the adventurers were looking at the battle with a narrow-sighted point of view, Dantalian was looking one, two moves ahead. He even considered the ecosystem between the monsters and the humans! Keke, seriously. There’s no way mere adventurers could stand a chance against…….”

“Yeah. Yeah. That Demon Lord bastard is great and you’re greater. Well-off people should suck each other’s ass. I’ll be going first.”

“Hm?”

Riff trudged down a forest path. He intended to find a high ridge and confirm his location first. As long as he could get a grasp of the area’s geography from the summit, then he should be able to reach a city within a few days of walking.

‘Fuck. Do I have to start from the beginning again?’

Due to this battle, Riff had lost the rest of his comrades that came from the same village as him. Once this thought crossed his mind, the desire for revenge dyed his insides black.

‘No, not yet. I need to focus on getting to a city right now.’

The mountain range wasn’t a place that was simple enough to survive while having other thoughts. Riff knew this better than anyone else as a lumberjack. Let’s first be grateful for having survived that hellish battlefield and it won’t be too late to think about other things later, Riff convinced himself like this as he walked.

“Hey. Where are you going?”

The woman’s voice came from behind him. Riff spat on the grass.

“What do you mean where am I going? Fuck. I’m getting off this shitty mountain range.”

“Hm? You can’t leave, though.”

The woman gave a long sigh.

“All right. I’m in a good mood today. And I can’t pretend as if the past few days with your group never happened……. Hey, you ignorant lumberjack bastard. Don’t take more than 5 steps from there.”

“Yeah yeah. You’re really great. If you’re going to follow me, then do what…….”

“I warned you to not take more than 5 steps.”

It was at that moment.

— Slice.

Riff’s ankle was severed by ‘something’ as he continued to walk while ignoring the woman’s warning.

“……Huh?”

Riff fell over helplessly. He didn’t fall over in an unsightly manner or anything. He simply tumbled because he could no longer put any strength into his right ankle. He skillfully cushioned his fall with his arms and left foot.

“Huh? Guh? I can’t…….”

Riff made a face as he wondered if the exhaustion of the battlefield had finally caught up to him. He tried to get back up several times, but he couldn’t put any strength into his right foot to push himself back up. No, he couldn’t feel anything. Be it the sensation of his foot firmly supporting his entire body or the tension transferred through his muscles from his heels up to his thigh, he couldn’t feel any of these things.

“Fuck, what happened.”

“I gave you a clear warning.”

He heard the sound of snickering behind him.

Riff turned around. The woman was leaning against her staff and grinning widely.

“Most humans have ears, but, strangely, their ears are rarely ever connected to their brains.”

“Shit, are you playing a trick on me, you bitch?”

Riff growled while on the ground.

“Return me back to normal. If you don’t, then I’ll introduce my ax to your head.”

“Hmm. I do like confident people, but I don’t like brats who don’t know their place. Hearing the sound of a defeated dog barking ruins the mood. Well, it’s just a mood. I’ll kindly give you another warning this time as well. Speak formally.”

“This fucking bitch, know your plac—.”

With a grin still on her face, the woman flicked her index finger.

— Slice.

It was at the moment Riff felt as if something went by his waist. He abruptly rolled on the floor. He could no longer feel his lower body, be it his calves, thighs, or his waist.

“Eh? Eh?”

He felt no pain.

He felt nothing at all.

As if his lower body had disappeared entirely.

“Sheesh, this really does suit me best. I thought my head would explode using the four elements when I’ve never fucking used it before in all my life. Fuck the four elements! People don’t know what romance is, you know? In the past, people didn’t even treat the four elements as magic.”

“……This fucking whore, what did you do to me?”

“I cut your soul.”

The woman hummed.

“If I gave you a detailed explanation, then your pea brain wouldn’t understand, so just make do with that simple explanation. Right now your lower body is dead. You’re half a corpse.”

“You bitch, who…….”

“Yeah yeah. You have a lot of questions, right, little child? I’ll tell you everything since you’re going to die anyway.”

The woman bent down towards Riff who was on the floor. She seemed to be in an even better mood now as she was grinning happily.

“I’ll only tell you this once, so listen carefully. No one has ever received this much kindness from me before dying. Now then, I’m Rank 8th, Demon Lord Barbatos and I noticed that Paimon’s idiotic fans were trying to do something to Dantalian, so I came here in secret to help Dantalian in case he got fucked up. Thus, I transformed into a human and approached you on purpose, and, fortunately, you took the bait thinking that I was a pushover, but you were the pushover all along.”

“What? Demon Lord? The hell are you saying?”

“Dantalian fought unexpectedly well, so I lost the chance to make my appearance. I’m in a good mood now because I’ve finally met a good younger generation Demon Lord after such a long time. Similar to how lions shove their children off ledges to make them grow stronger, I’m thinking about doing the same as well. And, finally, I was thinking about using this opportunity to ask Dantalian to clean up the pieces of trash that don’t act like Demon Lords. Is that enough? I told you everything.”

Wait—Riff uttered as he raised his hand.

The woman, Rank 8th, Demon Lord Barbatos smiled.

She spoke.

“No. I told you to speak formally, didn’t I, you son of a bitch?”

Barbatos’s index finger bobbed teasingly.

Riff felt something similar to a weak breeze go through his forehead. That was it. Riff felt nothing, thought nothing, and collapsed. It was a death without any pain whatsoever.

“Kuuuuuh.”

Barbatos raised her body and did some lower back stretches. After she finished her neck exercises, she looked down at Riff’s corpse.

“Hm. How will I give a hint to that baby Dantalian?”

She put her hand to her chin as she thought.

After a while, she let out an ‘Ah’ and brought her fist to her palm. She sang about how much of a genius she was as she engraved a certain symbol on Riff’s chest. After she confirmed that she made no mistake in drawing the symbol, she cast a spell to prevent animals and bugs from approaching the body.

“Good. Perfect. Only good things have been happening today. It’d be nice if something like this happened at least once a year, fuck.”

She beamed happily before then walking to the forest with a satisfied gait. Her appearance soon disappeared silently into the darkness of the forest.

—Mii-n, min, minmin.

Only the sound of cicadas crying on the fir trees surrounding the corpse filled the air.

***

TL Note: Thanks for reading the chapter. Okay, there’s a good chance I’ll slow down either this week or next week because of my midterm exams. It’s sort of weird because we have to do them online, so I’ll probably have to actually look into the exam procedures more carefully to make sure I don’t make any mistakes.

On another note, I’ve finished this “E-Rank Adventurer Party” section, so I’ll be going back to do another chapter of Handholding. This section was admittedly long and I feel bad for making the Handholding fans wait this long.

I’ll see you guys in the next release!

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