Beware Of Chicken Alternate Universe: Soaring Heaven's Isle

The scroll had so much information on it it made my head spin. For how small it was, there was some spatial fuckery involved, because the words, well, scrolled across it as I read. In addition to the entire book on how to properly grow the ship, it had things on mountain carving, fortress making, how to correctly hold a calligraphy brush, how to make rope—there was even a combat style.

But I suppose that's par for the course with a cultivation manual. The name [Arts of the Wandering Deer] echoed through my head whenever I looked at it.

As I studied the scroll, meditated, and cultivated, I could feel myself get stronger and tougher. My endurance quickly ramped up to “yes”. I didn’t actually feel physically tired no matter how much I exerted myself, and my stride started to change into something best described as fleet. As a cultivator I haven't exactly been slow before, but there was an increasing surety to my steps as I cultivated the first style I had ever received.

It was even showing in my spars.

Before I met Bailu and Seiyu, I would have said I was alright at fighting. The part of me from this world certainly knew how to kick ass, and in the other place he would have been a world champion MMA fighter or something… if he didn’t get disqualified for being too brutal. Gramp’s moves that he had taught me were geared directly for combat and killing, and had been refined by, I was beginning to think, an absolute master rather than a random hobo. The sports of mortals would have been crushed into paste underneath the vicious onslaught.

Now I knew that I wasn’t particularly good, even with my moves.

“Your rhythm is good today, Young Master.” Seiyu praised me as she casually received blows that could shatter boulders. She had limited herself to my speed and strength—maybe even below my speed and strength, but she was still deflecting and blocking everything with a soft, approving smile on her face. “You’re adapting wonderfully to your new style!”

Some people might have their pride rankled that a girl half a foot shorter than them and maybe a third of their weight was casually dominating them while sandbagging so hard they might as well be the practise tool in a fighting game.

I was just glad both of the women knew what restraint was. I knew what their all out looked like, and it was landscape rearranging.

I sucked in a breath and stomped forwards, like a stag challenging a rival, and sent a punch into Seiyu that she obligingly gave ground before. The Wandering Deer was surprisingly aggressive, with explosive, powerful strikes that messed well with what I had already been taught. I fired a quick jab to keep up the pressure, Seiyu dodged another kick, and I tried to capitalize on her movements.

Seiyu stepped into my next strike, sliding past my fist, and she was suddenly chest to chest with me.I knew instantly my last blow had been too wide.

She bumped me. The last time Seiyu had done this I had gone flying. This time I clenched my stomach, stood my ground, and slammed a knee full force into her thigh.

It was like hitting a block of solid steel wrapped in a pillow.

My fist then hammered into her face.. Or at least tried to. Seiyu deflected the blow flipped me over her head so that I hit the ground with just enough force to make my breath erupt with a whuff, and make sure that the lesson would stick.

Seiyu crouched down , her elbow on her knees and her face in her hands. She smiled. “Excellent recovery and improvement… but making some space would have been better, Young Master. Your reach is a powerful tool.”

“Thank you for the pointer, Senior Sist—Seiyu.” I corrected before she could pout at me.

I sat up and rubbed at the slight stinging in my arm, only for Seiyu to take over, her fingers making the soreness disappear.

I carefully didn’t think about the fact that I could really get used to this, and instead I looked at the other sparring match that was going on.

“Is that all you have? My, my, you crow and you crow but this is it?!” Bailu shouted as she clashed with a whirling dervish of feathers and wind blades.

I had no idea how this one started.

Big D spat back a terrific crow.

“What was that, you bastard?!” Bailu demanded.

“Fufufufufufu. Cut that bird’s pride down to size.” I heard Seiyu mutter, and rolled my eyes. Really. They went from proper cultivators giving me pointers to having a rivalry with a chicken.

I sat back to watch, while Seiyu shamelessly cheered for Bailu to win.

“Kick her ass, Big D!” I shouted, lending my own support.

“Young Master?!” Bailu turned to me with a look of absolute betrayal.

And then took a rooster to the face, as Big D capitalized on her moment of distraction.

======================================

Every day we did cultivator things, hung out, or learned about skyships, and every night we sang and danced around a tree.

At first I had been stuck on sea shanties, but the scroll said anything was fine as long as it came from the heart.

“Country Roads, Take me Home~” I sang.

“To the place, I belong!” Bailu and Seiyu shouted, their accents surprisingly not butchering the song.

“Er-er-er-aaaaaa!” Big D yodled as he shook his tail feathers.

“Mountain mama! Take me home, Country Roads!”

I unleashed the majesty of John Denver upon the world.

Bailu and Seiyu had just accepted it when I said it was an obscure tribal language, and to my surprise, had learned the chorus real fast.

And so the days rolled by.

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Bailu took a swig of her wine and watched as Seiyu ran a comb through her Young Master’s hair. It was getting back to a good length finally, after it had been mostly burned off during the… well. The accident.

That said he was looking a bit shaggy. Like a homeless mortal, or some vagabond. He had even wanted to just cut it off, but that was no good! A Young Master needed to have long hair, to show proper respect to his parents!

Their Young Master had grumbled and moaned, but in the end he had given up… and had told them to choose a good style.

Bailu had tried a few braids, but nothing had clicked so far, and now Seiyu was…. Doing his hair up like one of her people. It was kind of a topknot.

“Normally a man would shave the top of his head, so that he could properly wear his helmet!” Seiyu explained.

Their Young Master just looked amused.

“Oh? You have the guts to be putting Tianzhe Minyan’s son’s hair up in that barbarian style?” A voice interrupted them, and Seiyu instantly paled, while Bailu put away her wine and turned to bow.

“We pay our respects to Elder Minyan and Elder Song!” Bailu said, bowing low. Both women had been hiding their presence, and one couldn’t feel a true master’s strength unless they allowed it.

And both had clearly wanted to surprise them. Elder Minyan looked unconcerned, while Elder Song had a frown on her face.

“So? What have you to say for yourself, girl?” The Elder asked, her eyes sharp.

Seiyu’s eyes were on the floor, and she opened her mouth to take responsibility.

“I asked her to, Elder Song.” Their Young Master spoke up instead, a disarming smile on his face. “We were trying to find something that looked good, but we ended up running out of ideas. And this one is probably a no. I don’t like the look of having the top of my head shaved.”

“Hmph. See that you do not do it again. It's improper.” The woman declared, and her eyes switched to their Young Master. She blinked, and then looked slightly confused when Bi De looked up at her, and bowed low.

Bailu sighed internally. That bastard bird disrespected them all day, but at least he had enough sense to be polite to the Elders!

“Leave us. We are here to speak with my son.” Elder Minyan commanded them. And that was that.

Bailu and Seiyu flew to where they had previously lived together, the manor still maintained by the servants.

“Phew! The Young Master really saved your butt, eh?” Bailu asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“He did again.” Seiyu whispered, her accent still missing. “I really should stop being such a barbarian fool.”

Bailu raised an eyebrow.

“Nah.” Bailu said, as she took a swig of her drink.

“Nah? What do you mean, nah?”

“I like Seiyu as she is. And so does the Young Master.” Bailu said simply, offering her wine.

Seiyu stared at her. Her face went through a myriad of emotions, before she sighed and took the offered wine. “Baka-Sama.” She said fondly.

“I’m kicking your ass later for that.” Bailu said, her eyes narrowing.

“You can try.” Seiyu shot back.

Neither of them could wait until they got back home. It was Bi De’s turn to ‘host’ the dance, and they wanted to see how the little dumbass messed things up. He had looked so panicked when the Young Master told him he was up next!

===================================

Minyan kept her face impassive as Song glared at Rou.

“Again.” she commanded.

The young man did as he was bid, pushing himself through the form even as sweat dripped from his body.

Rou had certainly grown strong in just a few months.

“Acceptable, I suppose. Your technique.. It feels familiar, and yet not.” Song said grudgingly. “But I suppose that is to be expected, considering who your father is.”

It appeared their charade was holding.

“Thank you for the praise, Elder Song.” Rou said, bowing.

“Hpmh. Treasure it.” Song said, but the regal appearance was ruined by the fact that she was petting Rou’s cock.

Song had taken to the Spirit Beast instantly, as the creature had bowed politely and tried to offer them tribute. Tiny Spirit Beast cores and other Qi filled seeds and rocks, utterly worthless to them, but things that would empower an Initiate greatly.

It obviously reminded Song of her own childhood. It was one of the few tales of benevolent Spirit Beasts that Minyan knew, and the only reason why Bbi De was still alive. Most of the creatures were utterly violent beasts. Indeed, one of Minyan’s first missions had involved tracking down a monster that had slaughtered an entire family—only for that monster to turn out to be a duck, its flight feathers trimmed and its eye missing.

But Song’s family had once had a dog, Baubau, that had ascended. The old mutt had been the companion of Song’s cultivator mother, and had been nearly eighty. It's only duty was to watch after the children, and Song had loved the beast…but that story also tied into the tale of Song’s issues with the tribes.

Because one day, when she ranged far with her beloved old beast, the mortal town she was visiting came under attack by a tribal people, with cultivators of their own.

The dog had placed itself in between the tribals, Song, and the mortals, fighting like a demon to protect them. But in the end, Baubau had been slain, barely buying enough time for Imperial reinforcements to arrive.

Minyan knew not the name of that tribe, for Song refused to utter it… and had removed every trace of that people’s existence from the world.

As far as Minyan knew, she also still paid for the town to host a massive celebration for their guardian deity Baubau.

Still, it was rather amusing to see the woman be all haughty while lavishing attention onto the rooster, her fingers having rendered the Spirit Beast into a state of near catatonia.

Song was mostly bark anyway. Once one got past Song’s thorns, her heart was as warm as a hearth. Even if she would never admit it.

“I am satisfied for now.” Song declared as she rose. “Be sure to be ready and have your hair properly set for the Rising Fairy Tournament next month. You have a seat of honour. Do not squander it.”

“Yes, Elder Song.” Rou said again.

And so Song left. Minyan waited until she was high in the air, before she activated the wards to their fullest extent.

Then little Rou sighed, and slumped forwards onto his face beside her, utterly shameless behaviour, but one that had Minyan smile with some amusement.

She could have scolded him, but he had improved greatly. And there was something to be said that he was completely open around her.

It was… nice.

“Think that tricked her?” Rou asked, his voice muffled.

“You have indeed proven yourself. I shall praise you.” Minyan replied.

“Thanks, Auntie.” Rou said, and then sat up with a groan. He looked to Bi De, who was still coming back to awareness. “Man, shes got magic fingers, eh?” he asked.

“Song’s massages are indeed the stuff of legend.” Minyan replied, then frowned at the boy, deciding to bring up Mount Tai, that Minyan had been careful to keep Song from noticing. “When were you planning to tell me about that?” she asked, gesturing at the saplings that were growing nearby.

Rou paused.

“When it actually worked.” he said after a moment. “I read that scroll you gave me and decided to give it a try. But I wanted results first.”

….he wasn’t being entirely truthful to her, but she accepted it. For some reason she wasn’t angry that he was keeping some of the truth from her. Because if those trees did grow… the entire Sect would be upended.

“Keep me informed.” she told him, and then frowned. She reached out and dragged her fingers through Rou’s shaggy hair. “That said, you do need to fix this.” she commanded.

“I know.” He sighed. “Stupid tournament. I’m not even competing, so what's the point of me being there?”

“You are my ‘son’ and thus shall be with me for this important event.” Minyan stated, as she pulled a comb out of her storage ring, and set about fixing Rou’s hair.

The boy grumbled slightly, but waited patiently as Minyan considered the style she wanted to impart upon it.

It ended up in a rough and wild ponytail, of the sort that Minyan sometimes wore in her youth.

“I shall have your formal robe delivered later.” she told him. “And Rou?”

“Yes, Auntie?”

“I do believe Shen Yu would be proud of your cultivation progress.” She ventured.

The expression on the boy’s face was complicated.

Minyan frowned behind her veil. Just what had Shen Yu done to the boy?

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It took a while for Bi De to recover from the ministrations of the powerful hen who had visited his Great Master. Unlike the blue and the purple one, the two hens who had descended upon them were worthy only of respect. Their eyes shone with intelligence, and Bi De had to scramble to gift them proper tribute.

But luckily, they had been pleased, and Bi De’s worth as a servant had been recognised: good servants were indicative of a good Master, after all.

Now, however, he had a much more important job.

Bi De had the honour of leading the dance and the song that night. At first he had been at at loss—and the two hens had clucked long and hard about Bi De putting on a sub-par performance.

But with his Great Master’s aid, his own nervousness and fears had been laid to rest. For his lord had taught him a sublime dance, and gifted Bi De a truly wondrous artifact.

Two weeks ago he had commissioned the Harmonic Wind Tines from a mortal smith, and the man had managed to comprehend and craft this most interesting of instruments. His master had similarly made Bi De a brace of wood, so that he could play it.

Thus did Bi De march out proudly, and stand before the doubting hens. He positioned his beak thusly, and blew, repeating the lyrics in his head as he began to dance.

This one is a bird

His wings are majestic;

His tail feathers divine!

He bobbed his head up and down. He flapped his wings, showing off the brilliant red and blues. He did wiggle his rump in a manner that was surely most pleasing to females.

Then he snapped his wings, cracking the air four times with the force, and hopped, turning to the side, to behold his Great Master.

This one is a bird

His wings are majestic;

His tail feathers divine!

His hands opened and closed three times like a great beak. He mimicked Bi De’s majestic wings—then he shook his rear too in a manner that the Blue and the purple hens stared at.

Such was the face his master gave him! Acting like a bird!

His Lord clapped four times, and jumped, continuing the way around the circle.

The hens looked at each other, shrugged, and then they too recognised their place, joining in the nightly dance as was proper!

This one is a bird

His wings are majestic;

His tail feathers divine!

To Bi De’s slight disappointment, his Great Master found himself entranced by the hen’s rumps as they shook them back and forth. Bi De forgave his Lord. The hens were… well. Bi de had to admit they had pleasing rears. The purple one especially.

But like the man of temperance and virtue he was, he tore his eyes away.

They completed the circle, and then Bi De truly left loose, his wings freed to grasp the sides of the Harmonic Wind Tines.

Oh, the good ol’ Ha Qi game, is the best game one can name

And the best name one can name is the good old Ha Qi game!

Bi Di didn’t know what Ha Qi was, but it had to be powerful!

=====================

“Hey. whatcha doing?” Seiyu heard Bailu ask, and she flinched, cutting through the board.

“Learning how to cook.” Seiyu replied.

Bailu stared at her, then took a glance into her bottle. “Is the world going to end or something?”

Seiyu huffed and turned away from the grin on Bailu’s face. Only for her friend to sit down beside her.

“Where ya at? I want to learn too.” Bailu said. “I heard a bunch of ladies say the fastest way to a man’s heart was his stomach!”

Seiyu flushed.

=========================

We spared. We trained. Me and Big D both learned how to play the harmonica.

Soon, the tournament loomed, and I was getting increasingly nervous about having to be in front of the entire sect.

I was too nervous to cultivate properly, so I just ended up watching the girls as they cultivated. Bailu sat in the lotus position in the middle of a localized storm. Wind swirled around her, the air was charged with electricity, and clouds formed off her back only to drift away. Two ethereal, draconic horns had formed on her forehead as she breathed in and out. The bubbly woman I knew wasn’t there—this was Lanlong Bailu, the Typhoon Wing of Soaring Heaven’s Isle.

Beside her was Seiyu, in a similar state. The Tsunami Wing was sat on a pillar of water, while liquid orbs the size of buses floated around her in perfect formation. Over her forehead floated what looked like a full moon, radiant and pure.

Their Qi, additionally, seemed to mingle and feed off one another, in something that was almost dual cultivation. Or maybe it was dual cultivation?

I thought that was supposed to be an intimate thing, but… well, I hadn't actually seen one go anywhere without the other.

Maybe they were like that?

Still, I sat and watched, and it took my mind off things for at least a little, until Seiyu opened her eyes. That seemed to be a cue, as Bailu stopped cultivating as well, yawning and stretching as the winds died down.

“So, Young Master. Did you have any insight from watching us cultivate?” Seiyu asked, smiling.

“Sorry. I was just watching.” I replied.

Seiyu nodded. “Worry not. The West Wind Evil Destroying Gale is hard to comprehend! One must have a good understanding of the concept of flow to successfully cultivate this technique.” She explained. “But perhaps your Seiyu can help you? First, what is flow, Young Master?”

I paused. Giving somebody insight like this was kind of a big deal, wasn’t it? Still, I couldn’t help myself.

I felt my lips quirk into a smile “Q=V/t,” I replied. Man, it had been a while since those fluid dynamic courses…

Seiyu cocked her head to the side, looking utterly baffled. “Ara?”

“Flow rate is Volume divided by time. Or its Q=VA, where flow rate is volume times the cross-sectional vector area. Its why as the size of a pipe goes down, the water speeds up—and why you can cut something in half with a thin and fast enough water blade.” I explained.

Seiyu just stared at me. I was a little worried that I had taken it too far, when she turned to look down at her hands. Water manifested above them, growing to a ball the size of a small car, before it suddenly compressed.

With a sound like a gunshot, Seiyu fired it off—and it punched completely through one of the nearby uninhabited islands.

Bailu gaped at it. “The hells?”

“Young Master—you’re a genius!” Seiyu exclaimed.

I scratched at the back of my head.

=======================

“Dokkoishou, Dokkoishou!”

“Soran, soran!”

“Dokkoishou, Dokkoishou!”

“Soran, soran!”

Bailu smiled as she watched her Young Master and Seiyu just absolutely let loose. Bailu may or may not have spiked the fruit juice their Young Master liked juuust a little. He was too tense!

Their Young Master’s face was flushed as he grinned, while Seiyu’s normally blank face was nowhere to be seen, instead bearing a massive smile as they sung what was apparently a really important song for Seiyu’s tribe.

Their Young Master had all kinds of knowledge about tribal customs and language. It was weird, but Bailu couldn’t say she minded it, especially with how into it Seiyu was.

Maybe a little too into it. Seiyu was pretty sure you didn’t have to get that close to someone while teaching them the “proper dance.” Really, Bailu was feeling a bit left out! She took another swig of her wine and stood.

“Oi, Seiyu, teach me too!” she demanded.

Seiyu whipped around, and her smile brightened. She practically tackled Bailu, and well, maybe she did need to be that close to teach you how to dance?

“Okay, now, my students, show me if you can do it together!” Seiyu declared once Bailu kind of had it down. Seiyu spun Bailu around and slapped her ass, sending her staggering into their Young Master. He caught her with a laugh and ruffled her hair.

Then Seiyu slung her arms around their shoulders, and Bi De landed on their Young Master’s head.

“Now, you gotta be close!” Seiyu demanded. “Soran, Soran!”

Well. What the hell!

“Soran soran!” Bailu yelled, as they bounced around like they were on a storm-tossed ship.

They didn’t really notice the saplings bouncing with them.

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