Became a Medieval Fantasy Wizard

TL/Editor: raei

Schedule: 5/week

Illustrations: None

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The situation had somehow turned into a feint operation.

While Ian drew aggro with the wizards, Belenka and Ian's other companions investigated the Baron's proxy.

'Better to draw as much attention as possible.'

Since they'd divided roles, it was best to produce definitive results. If Ian and the wizards took the brunt of the attention, it would make things easier for Belenka's group to move.

Though the situation had changed, Ian's task remained the same: putting on a show of force with the wizards.

Ian first joined up with Carl, the earth wizard, who had set up on a nearby hill dominated by imposing rock formations. Ian marveled as soon as he set foot there. Even above ground, the power of the earth surged all around. As expected of a seasoned earth wizard, Carl had chosen a location where earth magic could be utilized best.

"You're here," Carl said.

"Yes. I was wondering if there was anything I could help with..."

"Sit there."

Ian had agreed with Herta to help with each wizard's magic manifestation as he visited them. He'd claimed he could handle magic from various schools, and proof of that was needed. But that was just Ian's circumstances. Carl couldn't care less about who Ian was or what he was doing.

Carl was always like that. Indifferent, brusque, and a man of few words. He spent more time in solitary meditation than others, which allowed him to communicate with the mysteries of the earth more easily.

Ian sat on a wide rock as Carl instructed, wondering if there might be a task. But that was Ian's misunderstanding. Carl had simply shoved Ian out of sight because he found him annoying. He had no intention of accepting Ian's help or testing him.

A wizard only opens his mouth to mysteries! Carl, completely uninterested in small talk, sat Ian down somewhere and prepared his magic.

"[Earth, respond to my call]" Carl intoned.

Given the location brimming with earth's power and the wizard's clear, strong invocation, Ian expected the mystery of the earth to respond. As expected, the ground began to quiver slightly, announcing its presence.

[What is it, my friend?]

'As I thought.'

Carl had succeeded in summoning the mystery of the earth in one go. As expected, he was a skilled earth wizard.

"[I wish to borrow a part of you]"

"Why is that?"

"[Because I want to see a part of you move.]"

Carl's tone was stiff and polite. The mystery of the earth used vocabulary just as stiff as Carl's, making them a perfect match in a way.

Carl spent over 30 minutes carefully persuading the mystery of the earth to cast the magic accurately and perfectly, without any room for misunderstanding.

"How troublesome," Carl muttered in the imperial language after 30 minutes.

Ian didn't miss Carl's mumbling. "Carl, sir. You're thinking of rolling that boulder down, aren't you?"

Carl looked at Ian with eyes that said, 'You're still here?' But he wasn't a telepath. He couldn't convey his intentions 100% with just a look.

Ian nodded, feeling Carl's gaze. I see, you're asking what I'm thinking right now! (He wasn't)

"In my opinion, it would be better to roll it southwest," Ian suggested. "The soil there seemed soft and spongy, so the boulder shouldn't break."

Not a bad idea. But Carl shook his head.

'If we roll it that way, we'd have to go through a wheat field. We can't ruin a farmer's crops just to deal with one half-witted noble,' Carl thought.

Emphasis on 'thought'.

Carl was originally a man of few words and taciturn. Chattering to coordinate opinions with a colleague didn't suit his personality.

'It doesn't matter if the boulder breaks a bit. I'm planning to tear off a chunk of solid granite bedrock. The important thing is how to move this to the front of that noble's castle. The obstacles in between are quite annoying.'

Carl's mind was racing. As expected of an excellent wizard. However, contrary to his hardworking mind, his mouth was the epitome of laziness. Carl's mouth compressed the results his mind had diligently organized and analyzed into a single sentence.

"We're not using the southwest."

"But why..."

"Because we're sending it straight to the Baron."

"... Pardon?"

Naturally, Ian had no idea what thoughts were running through Carl's head. So Ian thought like this:

So. To the suggestion of 'rolling' the boulder... He's answering that he'll send it straight to the Baron? Now?!

'Has this old man gone mad?!' Ian was dumbfounded by Carl's eccentricity that defied imagination.

What method is there to send a boulder straight to a noble without rolling it?

There's only one answer. That is... to shoot the boulder straight at the castle like a catapult!

This crazy old man! So that's why he chose the hill behind the castle!

'Even so, that's going too far!' Ian was appalled by Carl's insane idea.

Earth wizards are scary. Too scary!

Even if it's a 'show of force', how could a normal person think of catapulting a boulder at someone else's castle!

"But Carl, sir... will it be alright?" Ian asked out of genuine concern for the Baron's proxy. What if the Baron's proxy dies from having a boulder hurled at him?

But Carl interpreted Ian's words completely differently. 'You're saying you'll deliver the rock all the way to the front of the noble's castle while avoiding all obstacles and without causing any civilian casualties? Heh heh. Can you really pull that off, Sir Carl?'

'What an impudent brat.'

Though it was an obvious provocation, Carl decided to humor Ian.

"Do I look incapable?" Carl asked with a serious face.

Ian broke out in a cold sweat. As expected... I couldn't tell because he kept his mouth shut, but... This guy is a wizard after all!

Sh*t, he's not in his right mind!

So he's really going to shoot that rock at the Baron's castle!

'Well, I suppose a wizard could do that,' Ian thought, swallowing hard as he looked at Carl.

He might look like just a taciturn old man... But this guy is an experienced earth wizard who's been around the block. He knew full well how to deal with nobles.

Logically speaking, whose judgment would be correct? Ian, the fledgling wizard? Or Carl, the seasoned wizard?

Ian had no choice but to go along with Carl's opinion. So this is the level of mischief needed for a show of force! (It wasn't).

"No, it's just..."

"Just?"

"Your magic seemed much calmer than I expected..."

'Oh ho.'

Ian's observation was accurate.

Carl was in the middle of a very careful and calm conversation with the mystery. Because of this, Carl became interested in Ian's words. He had no intention whatsoever of accepting help, but he became a bit curious about Ian's level of earth magic.

"Calm, you say? Then what's your method?"

To slowly roll the boulder, you'd need the earth's delicate assistance. But if the goal was just to launch it, rougher methods would suffice. This place was full of earth's power, wasn't it?

Ian spoke without hesitation. "We borrow the power from deep within the earth."

"Deep within?"

Ian had no desire whatsoever to meddle with Carl's magic. Carl was an excellent earth wizard, and he'd undoubtedly communicate with the earth in a way far superior to Ian's. Nevertheless, Ian honestly shared his opinion.

In Ian's view, the power needed for catapulting wasn't the power of soft soil, but the volcanic-like power erupting from deep within the earth. An experienced earth wizard might think differently, but at least Ian thought this was the right answer.

That very difference of opinion piqued Carl's interest once again.

'The power deep within the earth is strong.'

Carl became even more intrigued when Ian unexpectedly didn't spout nonsense. Ian himself had said he could use earth magic. But Carl hadn't held much expectation for that. How much could such a young wizard have learned about magic from other schools?

Moreover, Krysus had said Ian had demonstrated excellent fire magic.

Dark magic and fire magic. It's challenging enough to master two schools of magic, and on top of that, earth magic?

Carl hadn't expected much, but surprisingly, Ian's knowledge of earth magic was top-notch. It was definitely not at a level that could be called 'beginner'.

Carl felt the urge to actually see Ian's magic. Well... the most entertaining sight in the world is watching a newbie!

'Is he really an earth magic newbie?'

Carl became even more curious when Ian said he'd roll the boulder using power from deep within. A earth magic newbie is trying to do something while mentioning terms only specialists know?

Oh my, I must see this!

"What exactly are you planning to do?"

Carl asked, his voice filled with goodwill. However, as usual, his words were far too brief.

Carl wanted to say, 'Your fresh idea excites... no, intrigues me greatly. Would you care to calmly explain the theory you've come up with?' but he just habitually omitted it.

Instead, using magic, he tore off a huge boulder from the rocky cliff.

If Carl had heard Ian's 'real' thoughts, he would have gaped on the spot. Use the explosive power of the earth to shoot the boulder at the castle? Are you in your right mind?

But Carl skipped the process of asking for Ian's opinion. He just thought, 'Rather than words, it's better to see it directly in action.'

"Go ahead and do it."

"Me?"

"Yes."

Ian flinched. Even so, launching a boulder at the Baron's castle with my own hands is a bit... But he had a promise with Herta, and above all, Carl was a crazy wizard (Ian firmly believed this), so it seemed better to move as instructed.

'Oh, whatever.'

Ian moved the boulder, placing it on the ground where earth's power had pooled. Fortunately, this was a hill behind the lord's castle, so with just a little force, it would collide straight into the castle walls.

'Here goes!'

Ian uttered an incantation in the magical language.

"[Earth!]"

[What is it, human?]

What Ian wanted was the earth's eruption. He intended to use the earth's explosive force to push the boulder. Then, how to make the earth erupt?

The earth's power had already reached its critical point. Even with the slightest shock, the ground would be sufficient to erupt. Ian decided to gift the earth with a very slight emotional change. It's nothing grand. Really, just a tiny emotional change would be enough.

"[I'd like you to launch this rock!]"

[Hmm. I don't particularly feel like doing that...]

"[You need a change of mood, I see.]"

Wizards are warned time and time again to be careful in their word choice when talking with mysteries. Because you never know what an excited mystery might do. But right now, Ian needed to excite the mystery of the earth. Only then could he borrow the power of eruption.

And Ian knew a very effective means of manipulating someone's emotions. That's right... dad jokes.

"[Let me tell you a few funny jokes.]"

[Oh. Jokes? Go ahead.]

"[What do you call a rock you raise as a pet? The answer is... pet rock![1]]"

[...]

"[What sound does a horse's leg make when it breaks? The answer is... horse-ttuk![2]]"

[...]

It was a makeshift and half-hearted method. But it was safe and effective. If the joke isn't understood, nothing happens. If it's funny, the mood improves, which is good. If it's infuriating, the emotional change is still beneficial. (Dad jokes are originally intended to irritate the listener.)

[Pet... rock... horse... ttuk...]

Ian held his breath, waiting for the earth mystery's reaction. Soon, the reaction burst forth.

[Bwahahahaha!]

The result was uproarious laughter. Seems it was a mystery that enjoyed dad jokes.

As the mystery of the earth burst into hearty laughter, the earth soon began to quake...!

Rumble rumble!

'Success.'

A geyser erupted from deep within the earth. It was proof that the earth had burst open. The massive boulder placed on top flew like a cannonball and struck the Baron's castle wall.

Boom!

Judging by the billowing dust, one side of the castle wall must have collapsed. A satisfactory result.

Ian grinned and looked at Carl. How about that, Carl? My magic's pretty good, right?

But Carl's state was a bit strange. Carl was... staring at Ian with eyes full of shock, as if looking at a monster...

"You bastard."

"Pardon?"

"You're completely insane! This guy!!!"

"???"

Ian didn't understand, but Carl was utterly shocked by Ian's outrageous behavior.

Why the hell did you launch the boulder now! You crazy bastard!

---

[1. raei: the pet rock is a play on the phrase '반려동물' which is a combination of the words pet and animal. The animal is switched with rock creating 반려암. Why is this funny? Not sure. Dad jokes work just fine for me in English, but in Korean...]

[2. 말뚝 which I've decided to translate as horse-ttuk, is the combination of 말(horse) and 뚝(a snapping sound) ttuk. The two together actually mean a different word which is 'stake/post' but I'm not really sure if it's relevant to the joke...]

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